Entitled kid or normal 9 year old girl?

[Wildwitchofthewest]

We live in Spain though we are Irish. My dd had a friend around last month and I don't know whether to continue to encourage the friendship. Dds friend is 8 nearly 9 and came across as critical of everything. When it came time to watch a film together she went on and on about wanting to watch a 15 film, despite me saying no. Then when it came to dinner she was really fussy asking for food I didn't have (I offered her 3 choices so it wasnt like I wasn't giving her options.). She then complained about about the type of cutlery I gave her as it was different to what she had at home. Then she complained I hadn't given her enough food and she usually had double the amount at home. So I gave her some extra bread, even though desert was still to come. Once desert arrived she complained and protested she didn't like chocolate cake. I offered to get her fruit instead. She changed her mind. Then ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake. When her mum arrived she encouraged my dd to lock my bedroom door and hide behind it. When it was time to leave I gave her a little wrapped up favour. Partly to get her out of the house. She would only accept it, she said, if she knew what it was. I said she would only get it when she was out of my bedroom and shoes on to meet her mum at the front door. AIBU not to encourage this friendship in the future?

Why should people with jobs (or not) and busy lives have to spend their precious spare time running around trying to please bloody awful kids?

That's exactly it isn't it. I have a super stressful full time job. I spent Friday evening making the house nice and tidy and extra clean for the arrival of DDs friend. Then all afternoon entertaining DD amd her visitor at a local park. Then taking her food order then cooking it.

Who has the energy to deal with extreme fussiness like this? I dont😑! I feel much better after a bit of a moan on here though thanks all

nonsense about not eating nuggets etc.
i would have been grateful for any food offered, and if it happened to be one of the few things i could not face, i would simply have said no thank you, or left it on the side of the plate.
it is the demanding rude tone that is objectionable. not so much what different people do/ not eat.
look after yourself OP, and your family. steer clear of problems.

DD had a friend round once who told me ‘no’ when I asked them to stop doing something and shut the door in my face.
She never came back.
People can parent how they like, doesn’t mean I need to accommodate it in my house.

Also had a very fussy eater once voluntarily and a second time to help the mum out. After that I just avoided having them for meal times.

is it really so surprising to you that different families eat different things?

No of course not but surely you want your kids to eat a range of foods and not the same things all the time. I ate white rice growing up but don't feed it to my DC as I give them brown rice instead but they've still eaten white rice before and would eat it at someone else's house. Most kids will enjoy either chips, pizza, nuggets or fish fingers which is why kids menus have these types of food on there.

It sounds like she was showing off and trying to get an 'effect'; I can't get over the cutlery business, who on earth minds eating with different cutlery to what they have at home? She would have to do that in a cafe.

My dd has had a couple of friends round that haven't come back because l found them quite rude and ungrateful- more hassle than it is worth sometimes.

The cutlery thing is typical of ASD. Other traits are wanting specific foods, not accepting surprise gifts, blunt/opinionated statements often taken for rudeness.
I haven’t voted but I think the girl is neither entitled nor normal. I think it’s ASD.

Flutter12 is it really so surprising to you that different families eat different things? I don’t eat things like fishfingers or nuggets. I never have, even when I was a child in the 90s.

But that isn't the issue. Of course families eat different things or a dc maybe fussy, that isn't the problem. It was the fact this girl had no manners and was constantly rude.

@littlepinkwinky It also reminds me of the bratty boy on Everybody loves Raymond

I did think ASD as she became very fixated on certain things and wouldn't let it drop. She wanted to watch this 15 film which wasn't suitable. But she kept constantly describing the plot of the film over and over.

Well thanks for all helping me chalk it up to experience. I was literally reeling earlier. My partner who was at the house too, was totally biting his lip.

It could also be ADHD.

@BloggersBlog

Some crack pot answers on here. You gave perfectly normal choices OP. She was a rude, entitled unthankful brat.

Thank goodness there are some sensible people on this thread after all.

But why or how is it the OP's job to teach the child some manners? Why don't her parents do it?

You don't have to 'teach the child some manners'.

You just have to stop them treating you like shit in your own house. This is done by telling them off.

Ugh, can people fucking stop diagnosing autism based on a couple of hundred words on a forum?

She was rude. DD has a similar rude friend who came round once. Her mother complained to me that she ‘couldn’t understand why her DD never had a return invitation from anyone’

Child was no different at home except her mother indulged her.

My DD was there one Sunday and the child requested a Sunday roast, when set on the table she refused to eat it and her mother cooked her a pizza!

I was happy for DD to be friends with her at school but never again did she cross my door.

We once had a kid like that round to play, who turned out to be a right little madam.

Spoilt entitled brat - she didn't get asked back again.

Certainly not normal behaviour but I bet most of us have hosted a playdate from hell at some point.

And, kids do grow up. We had a playdate from hell with a child who was polite as anything a few years later. I try to channel my inner teacher - be self assured, low pitched voice, judiciously ignoring when you can, but don't be afraid to tell her off. Teachers can't bear grudges, they have to be professional and accepting of the child irrespective of their behaviour. I'm not saying you have to invite her back, just that I find a bit of "professional" detachment helpful. One child I really struggle with in our house though, so we only invite him when we are going out somewhere. Or you could invite her to play outside mealtimes.

The food was fine. Bribing her to come out probably wasn't your strongest move - she has learned that if she makes a fuss and hides at pick up she will be rewarded.

I have an autistic child and he had autistic friends. It doesn't matter if she is autistic or not, it's not your job to diagnose her or improve her manners. But do call her out when she makes personal remarks, and do talk to your daughter about how she felt about the playdate, and what behaviour she should show when she is a guest elsewhere.

I have a recently turned 9 year old, he wouldn’t dare behave like that at home let alone at someone else’s house. She sounds spoilt and completely rude - and the fact the mother didn’t sharply tell her to come out of the room immediately makes me think that things probably won’t change.

I wouldn’t be inviting her back.

It is rude behaviour. The only thing that may excuse it is if she is not used to spending time in other people's houses, or perhaps was an only child who had just spent a considerable period of time with just her parents. The constant comparisons to things at home suggests she may not be used to behaving in other environments?

I do wonder about the effect of lockdown on children's social skills and behaviour (it was particularly harsh in Spain I believe). At least in the short term, it may be that some kids need to relearn manners and social skills.

the fact that she has been allowed to see a 15 rated film suggests that she is not being brought up properly.
so manners probably won't improve.

OP you sound like a saint to put up with that crap! Well done you for getting through the ordeal! Make it the first and last time eh?! You just don;t need the hassle!

She sounds like my best friend growing up! She was a lot of fun as a friend but my parents couldn’t stand her (only admitted to me years later). She really liked adult company too so wanted to chat / lecture them every time she visited. It was at least partly to do with lack of attention in her own home - in retrospect her parents threw whatever she wanted at her to avoid spending time with her. She was quite a poor soul really but rude and annoying. I inflicted her on my parents quite a lot (sorry ma and pa ).

Thoroughly agree with @StumpedOnceMore.

This was Little Empress behaviour and is insufferable. I can’t believe posters who “host blamed” and said the OP’s menu was at fault and those who immediately started crying about various syndromes.

Some people are very rude and unfortunately they teach their dc that rudeness is acceptable. A while ago I had dh’s friend and his new gf to dinner. She complained about the food, baldly said what she liked or didn’t, and used her phone at the table. in fact the first thing she said to me was “What’s your WiFi code?” This woman was 40 years old . No doubt she was once like the child in the OP.

“If you have a very fussy eater I think you should let the host know in advance , with an apology "I'm awfully sorry but she's a fussy eater .. don't be surprised if she doesn't eat much .. but please don't go to any trouble."

This.

I agree. The food you served was perfectly acceptable and standard kids play date food.