Entitled kid or normal 9 year old girl?

[Wildwitchofthewest]

We live in Spain though we are Irish. My dd had a friend around last month and I don't know whether to continue to encourage the friendship. Dds friend is 8 nearly 9 and came across as critical of everything. When it came time to watch a film together she went on and on about wanting to watch a 15 film, despite me saying no. Then when it came to dinner she was really fussy asking for food I didn't have (I offered her 3 choices so it wasnt like I wasn't giving her options.). She then complained about about the type of cutlery I gave her as it was different to what she had at home. Then she complained I hadn't given her enough food and she usually had double the amount at home. So I gave her some extra bread, even though desert was still to come. Once desert arrived she complained and protested she didn't like chocolate cake. I offered to get her fruit instead. She changed her mind. Then ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake. When her mum arrived she encouraged my dd to lock my bedroom door and hide behind it. When it was time to leave I gave her a little wrapped up favour. Partly to get her out of the house. She would only accept it, she said, if she knew what it was. I said she would only get it when she was out of my bedroom and shoes on to meet her mum at the front door. AIBU not to encourage this friendship in the future?

YANBU, very rude, but not entirely unheard of for me. DD has a "friend" a bit like this who complained how small our house is and criticised everything.

Loving the usual Mumsnet jump to ASD diagnosis! Maybe, who knows? I would have felt no compunction in bollocking her-nicely, obviously, but she would have been told how rude she was and so would mum. Mum not hauling her out of the bedroom strikes me as parent who spoils her child and lets her get away with poor behaviour. I’d have been mortified and would have grabbed her out ASAP.

@PlanDeRaccordement “Irish food is nothing like spanish food”.

Just serve champ and cabbage, did you @Wildwitchofthewest ?

The locking in the bedroom reminds me of a friend DD had, who took a couple of years to shake off, as DD was unfortunately very enamoured. If you feel obliged to continue seeing the girl, I recommend only very structured and time-limited activities, and never in the home. Also, never "invite back" if your DD hasn't had an invitation. Any fishing for invitations can be met with cheerful "she didn't seem to like anything we offered" or jokey "we're not up to her standards" so "best not to inflict that on her"!

But why or how is it the OP's job to teach the child some manners? Why don't her parents do it?

Actually I do think it's other parents' job if their parents won't do it - not to fully take over, but to show them what is and isn't acceptable when they're in your house. Not in a nasty way, but a firm way. Because if a child has been raised to be an entitled brat, it's going to bit them on the arse eventually, and the sooner they realise other people don't tolerate it the better.

And in a way it doesn't matter if she has ASD. Having ASD - if you are high-functioning and normally intelligent - doesn't give you the right to demand whatever you want all the time and treat other people like dirt. People with ASD can learn what is and isn't OK behaviour - in fact clear rules and boundaries can be very helpful.

She would not be invited again. Rude child.

OP, you should have offered her Shushi.
Or poussins ( like I once did, for novelty factor). It got turned down, serves me right.

Ha, some of these responses are hilarious, no bloody way would I be offering to have that child back in my house, it most certainly is not my job to teach her manners.

Completely generalizing here but my mum used to take in foreign students from all over Europe when we were young and we had three from Spain at different times who were exactly as you describe. One was a complete horror that we still talk about 20 years later! I've met tons of lovely people from Spain so I'm not insinuating Spanish children are all rude, but perhaps they are taught to be more assertive than Irish/British children and it grates on us because we're not used to it?

@Badwill

Completely generalizing here but my mum used to take in foreign students from all over Europe when we were young and we had three from Spain at different times who were exactly as you describe. One was a complete horror that we still talk about 20 years later! I've met tons of lovely people from Spain so I'm not insinuating Spanish children are all rude, but perhaps they are taught to be more assertive than Irish/British children and it grates on us because we're not used to it?

Kid was British @badwill.

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