Entitled kid or normal 9 year old girl?

[Wildwitchofthewest]

We live in Spain though we are Irish. My dd had a friend around last month and I don't know whether to continue to encourage the friendship. Dds friend is 8 nearly 9 and came across as critical of everything. When it came time to watch a film together she went on and on about wanting to watch a 15 film, despite me saying no. Then when it came to dinner she was really fussy asking for food I didn't have (I offered her 3 choices so it wasnt like I wasn't giving her options.). She then complained about about the type of cutlery I gave her as it was different to what she had at home. Then she complained I hadn't given her enough food and she usually had double the amount at home. So I gave her some extra bread, even though desert was still to come. Once desert arrived she complained and protested she didn't like chocolate cake. I offered to get her fruit instead. She changed her mind. Then ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake. When her mum arrived she encouraged my dd to lock my bedroom door and hide behind it. When it was time to leave I gave her a little wrapped up favour. Partly to get her out of the house. She would only accept it, she said, if she knew what it was. I said she would only get it when she was out of my bedroom and shoes on to meet her mum at the front door. AIBU not to encourage this friendship in the future?

Ugh. Spoilt little toad. Brats like that always remind me of the "Annoying Kid" episode of "Everybody loves Raymond."

I would have told her that my house was not a food court!!!! What a troll!!!

ASD? Wanting things the same as she's used to at home. Not accepting a gift without knowing what's in it. Both sound like traits to me. A second playdate with the 'right' cutlery / glasses / pizza toppings might be a bit easier. She'll also have the familiarity of having visited before too which could help.

@WorldsNumber1MumSuperAwesome - what's wrong with the OP's post?

"22:47user1473878824

“Re: the food, what did she ask for? The choices you gave her all sound quite shit if she isn’t used to eating ‘kid food’ (eg beige junk food) so I can kind of see her point there.”

No wonder you can see her point when you’re as rude as she is, @ilikebooksandplants."

Perfectly said @user1473878824!

Rude.

I had one like that. Didn't like the dinner, the dessert, the popcorn, the WATER! But he was 6yo. Each complaint got a 'well, that's all there is" reply cos I sure as shit wasn't cooking anything else.

I'm also in Spain, but this child was born in USA to French-Romanian parents, so make of that what you will, those of you who are slagging off Spanish kids. I haven't met any kids so rude as that 6yo and I've lived here 20 years.

@user1473878824 ah please catch on. The OP offered her two types of breaded beige food and peas. Not all families feed their children ‘kids food’. My family didn’t.

I didn’t say the rudeness should be tolerated - but I wouldn’t want to eat rubbish either. I can kind of see why she wasn’t impressed !

I wouldn’t want to eat rubbish either. I can kind of see why she wasn’t impressed !

OP offered her three choices of food. A child of that age who is not used to 'beige' food should have still accepted what was on offer even if she didn't eat it. To keep refusing all options was just rude.

@ilikebooksandplants You really are incredibly rude.

@ilikebooksandplants but the kid WANTED ‘rubbish’ - just her specifically demanded ‘rubbish’ ie a different type of pizza...

So sounds like OPs offerings were spot on rather than ‘shit’ and the girl was just rude tbh. But you carry on making excuses.

To be fair we don't eat like that every night. But if I'd have cooked a paella or risotto or big salad or something similar my dd would not have eaten it, even though that would be my meal of choice. I don't think the criticism of beige food is justified.

Also hardly beige! Pizza is red and yellow, peas are green. Fish fingers are orange and jt came with green lettuce 🤔

It was perfectly normal food, not floor scrapings. Pizza is a totally everyday food eaten by most people. The others were more "kids" food but still edible and normal. If a 9yo doesn't eat those things because she's used to roasted quail or whatever, she could still say "I'm sorry i don't like any of those" and you could see if she might like a sandwich or something. Not being used to the food doesn't mean you have to be rude.

The OP offered her two types of breaded beige food and peas. Not all families feed their children ‘kids food’. My family didn’t.

Your kids have never had chips or fish fingers or pizza or chicken nuggets?

Some pretty harsh comments on here about this girl being a brat.

Yes she was rude and should have politely accepted one of the food choices; I would be mortified to know that one of my dc had behaved like that, but we've taught them better.

If this girl is over-indulged and manners aren't instilled at home, maybe she could benefit with a few visits to your house to learn that her behaviour won't get her far in life. That's only if your dd still wants to continue to be friends with her though.

wilkwitchofthewest It's not you and why should you have to put up with being spoken to like this? I think mathanxiety has the best solution and I will be adopting that in future.

I had this once with a child I didn't know. I was trying to help the mother, who was working late, by having the child to tea. The child was so spectacularly rude I don't think I will ever forget it. "These mashed potatoes have lumps in them" (they didn't, I ate tasted them myself). "We don't have chocolate chip cookies like this at home .. the lumps of chocolate are too big ... Why do you eat from plates this size?" all said in a very strong, assertive tone of voice. Awful child.

When she'd gone I drummed it into my children to never, ever, behave like that in anyone else's house. I've told them to leave things on their plate rather than complain about not liking certain foods - it's not big or clever to announce your displeasure. I've explained that thinking that other people are really interested in your wants or needs makes for a total bore. I say "there will always be something you can eat" (pudding or whatever).
Manners are important to me. Do the people who are producing these children think that other people will actually like them when they grow up? Or indeed as children?

They are really not doing their child any favours she sounds utterly dreadful and will probably continue to be.

As far as food, I can count on my finger of what my daughter will eat. She would starve herself because she really can't eat new food. Hypersensitive taste buds maybe?

@Thisseatisnotavailable

Some pretty harsh comments on here about this girl being a brat.

Yes she was rude and should have politely accepted one of the food choices; I would be mortified to know that one of my dc had behaved like that, but we've taught them better.

If this girl is over-indulged and manners aren't instilled at home, maybe she could benefit with a few visits to your house to learn that her behaviour won't get her far in life. That's only if your dd still wants to continue to be friends with her though.

But why or how is it the OP's job to teach the child some manners? Why don't her parents do it?

Is it a bit like cooking now .. and people who just don't know what manners are can't teach their children because they don't know themselves, or is it just that they cannot be bothered and it takes much less time and effort to give in?

But my daughter would not make anyone feel bad like "she did not feed me!" She accepted that she will be hungry if she does not try new food

If you have a very fussy eater I think you should let the host know in advance , with an apology "I'm awfully sorry but she's a fussy eater .. don't be surprised if she doesn't eat much .. but please don't go to any trouble."

Why should people with jobs (or not) and busy lives have to spend their precious spare time running around trying to please bloody awful kids?

@Flutter12 is it really so surprising to you that different families eat different things? I don’t eat things like fishfingers or nuggets. I never have, even when I was a child in the 90s. We just did not have them in our house so it is something that it would never occur to me to buy and to eat. I am quite bemused by some of the responses on this thread. I find food and mealtimes quite fascinating - it’s something we do the world over at least once a day but it varies so much from culture to culture, and even family to family. I often find the act of cooking for someone else (particularly someone I don’t know very well!) quite intimate - and meal times at other people’s houses can be fairly eye opening too! It’s fascinating to me.

I do like pizza though. But I’m vegetarian so pepperoni is off the menu.

Some crack pot answers on here. You gave perfectly normal choices OP. She was a rude, entitled unthankful brat.

Haven't rtft but OP reminds me of a similar situation two mum friends were discussing. The girl in question dad behaving much worse than usual because her parents are getting divorced and it's not surprisingly affecting her.

The mums were discussing whether to tell brat's mum how awfully she behaved, they concluded they would tell something but in a concerned way, ie 'she was really playing up, it didn't seem like her, we thought it was only right to tell you so you've got the full picture, no problem at all but you should know how she's being affected'. I thought this was a fair way to handle things.

Obviously you migjt not know this girls circumstances, but it's not too hard to imagine she could be going through something. A well phrased word with the mum might be an idea, pass on you were worried as she seemed really out of sorts, and if the mum explodes then they're worth steering we'll clear of but if she listens then it migjt benefit people all round

Absolutely she sounds difficult, but this all sounds quite elaborate for an ordinary play date — three choices of main course and a pudding, watching a film, a wrapped favour as an inducement to put on her shoes and leave? Might there have been some disconnect whereby the visiting child thought this was a more special occasion than it was?

I have a child of the same age who has friends to play over regularly, and it’s very much they just play and have whatever there is for dinner within reason, no menu choice or parting gifts...?

Next time someone says "I won't have [present] if it's wrapped" just say "oh ok then" and take it away

To be fair, pepperoni is a very distinctive flavour... but fgs, kid, just have some toast when you get home!