Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we don’t NEED to move house.

137 replies

Whattheactual20201 · 14/11/2020 18:59

Me and DP are talking through logistics of the children’s bedrooms. We are not arguing but debating about long term.
I live in a nice area, good schools and our family live here.
i have a 3 bedroom terraced house with 2 DC
13 DS and 7 DD
I have just found out that I am 30 weeks pregnant but likely to be induced like previous 2 a few weeks early. Now this is not an immediate issue as we haven’t had much time to sort things as baby will be in with us for the first year.
The age gaps are obviously quite big which is what DP thinks the issue will be.
We could get a bigger house moving further out and 100 percent more for our money but I like my house and location.
Baby is a girl so I’m thinking she could share with DD1 who would be 8 or we use the dining room as a room if she needs her own space. By the time youngest is 10
The elder 2 would be 23 and 17.
He thinks due to age gaps we need to move to a 4 bedroom, I feel like it isn’t worth giving up locations and schools for.

Do you have children with large age gaps sharing a room ?

OP posts:
M0rT · 14/11/2020 22:02

I shared with two sisters, 2 and 6 years younger than me until I was 14. PP are right, I got along much better with the one further away in age from me.
The only thing I will say is that by exam time your older DD will need a desk somewhere she can work later than a primary school age child's bedtime.

Pythonesque · 14/11/2020 22:08

Like other posters I think you have at least a couple of years to think about the best solution. Baby in with you as long as possible, and slowly investigate costs and practicalities of various extensions / loft conversion options. Agree about getting a second toilet or ideally a second bathroom if practical, eventually. If you decide on building, think about the least disruptive time to get it done around your eldest schooling / exam years.

If you decide moving is likely to be best, consider what 6th form options your eldest might be interested in and plan a move that works for him; I'm thinking that in ideal conditions your youngest would then just move for secondary. Would that mean a year of longer travelling for her back to school if you had to move a distance? Could still be practical.

I can understand the help what do we do about .... stuff will be coming thick and fast. Why don't you get a nice big notebook and set it up to record ideas / plans / possibilities / things you need to deal with but not right now. Good luck!

AuditAngel · 14/11/2020 22:14

My kids could all have a bedroom each, but the girls prefer to share (3.5 yea4 gap)

RandomMess · 14/11/2020 22:22

@Whattheactual20201

Rough plan idea could be as attached...

AIBU to think we don’t NEED to move house.
mellicauli · 14/11/2020 22:29

Could you split one of the bedrooms into 2 box rooms (high sleepers with desks underneath) then have a prefab garden building with pingpong/darts/big tv/sleep over etc Teenagers love that kind of thing. 7 year old probably would too.

HidingFromDD · 14/11/2020 22:34

Having just read your previous thread (congratulations!), I wouldn't move at this time. There will be a lot of changes going on for your DC with your DP moving in and a new baby, adding in a school move as well is likely to increase their stress. I'd go with the two youngest sharing for a few years, with an option of moving the eldest into the dining room when sharing starts to get problematic. You could move DS into their but with a sofa bed (a good one) so that when he was at uni you could have use of the room again

Ariela · 14/11/2020 22:37

Could you pop a tiny loo under the stairs?

Hamm87 · 14/11/2020 22:41

My idea would be move ds to smallest room split biggest in half for the girls and you have the middle room that would be your cheapest option

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/11/2020 22:48

Just sayin' .......... a London DC going to University might well still be at home till 21+ . You might not get that room back for a while .

We're in East London with 2 adults University students still at home . (And we love having them here BTW)

RandomMess · 14/11/2020 23:04

There is no rush to extend or move.

I would focus on surviving the first year of parenthood with your DP living with you before the huge financial entanglement of him buying into your home.

I would have thought the cost of extending would add at least the same onto the value of the house versus the cost of stamp duty, legal and estate agent fees Shock

I would be reluctant to relocate your teenager if they are happy and have good friends at a decent school.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/11/2020 23:08

Did anybody else have "13 DS and 7 DD" jump straight out at them at the beginning and instantly think OP was nonchalantly telling us that she already had 20 kids?! Grin

Original poster
Whattheactual20201 · 14/11/2020 23:28

Hahah @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll oops did that backwards my brain is friend this week 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Mhschoolq · 15/11/2020 09:03

Is a loft extension not an option? Could be the best one as you could put an en-suite into the new bedroom and make it belong to you and your partner. I think loft extensions work really well - depends on your roof although experts on here will come along and advise!

Agree with Pp who said that an extension and redecoration will make it feel like both of yours and not just yours!

Moving is so expensive. Definitely stay if you can extend.

(I don’t think downstairs converted lounge bedrooms are ideal, though. It’ll always feel like a former lounge / dining room, etc.)

Isoisoisolation · 15/11/2020 09:21

Does the dining room have a door? If so change that into a room and reassess in a year or so

Isoisoisolation · 15/11/2020 09:27

Actually I would make the living room your eldest bed room or you and your partner's bedroom. I would either then look to extend the dining room or if it's too expensive a well insulated? Glass conservatory. But big enough to have a sofa in etc. If you get one that's warm in winter and cool in summer that can be your living room and dining room can stay as a dining room ? Or vice versa

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 15/11/2020 09:42

I can’t see that you’ve responded to people suggesting attic bedroom. Is than any option? That would be my suggestion as it could add an extra bathroom too and doesn’t take any of your living space.

I don’t really think it’s fair to put a 1 year old in with a 9 year old. What if the 1 year old wakes crying multiple times a night?!

StormBaby · 15/11/2020 09:47

You have a dining room, of course you don’t need to move. Use it as a bedroom until the eldest moves out.(I would kill for a dining room for this exact reason. We are one bedroom short!)

Blossomhill4 · 15/11/2020 09:54

@CertainGecko

8 and 1 might work for a while but I don't think 13 and 6, 16 and 9 etc will work. Your older DD will need privacy in her teens.

Using the dining room may be an option but it depends on your house layout I suppose.

I think you need to be thinking of other options long term.

Yes 13 and 6 sound very different I would get saving OP. A house may come up in your budget near by to where you live in a 4 bed.
umberellaonesie · 15/11/2020 11:47

4/5 years a DS will be off to uni. The girls can share till then. My DS's share at 10 and 16 it's fine they only sleep in there.

HelloDulling · 15/11/2020 11:52

Don’t move your DS away from his school unless you absolutely have to. He could really resent all of you for it.

ohflipit · 15/11/2020 11:54

My baby brother came along when I was 12 and my older brother 15. He had a single bed in my parents room and all his toys etc were in the dining room which was sort of turned into his playroom. Not ideal but it worked. I moved out at 18 and he then had my room.

AntiHop · 15/11/2020 12:20

We've got dd6 and one on the way. We're in a tiny 2 bed terrace.

There is no way we'd expect dd to share a room with a baby.

The better choice is to keep the baby in with you. We plan to do loft extension over the next year. If we find we can't afford the loft, we could imagine the kids sharing once the younger child is around 3, and dd will be 9. Maybe until dd is 11. But a loft extension is our preferred option.

Waveysnail · 15/11/2020 12:35

Loft conversion with en suit?

SuitedandBooted · 15/11/2020 12:35

I would be doing a ground floor extension with a small loo/shower room somewhere.
We have built a room off our large living room. It has a pitched roof with those trendy wire lights and a skylight, window at the end and bifold doors into the garden. Currently has a metal day bed, piano and sundry music/painting stuff and a rowing machine!

We use it for guests as and when, and DS has been sleeping there for the last fortnight as I am decorating his room! If we sell it will be classed as an extra reception. It has added £££ in value

Runnerduck34 · 15/11/2020 13:42

I think the age gaps are likely to be problematic if I'm honest, they will be in completely different stages of their lives, sleep patterns etc. A 7 year old and a 14 year old have nothing in common. We have 4 dc and use the dining room as a bedroom, initially teenage dd was apprehensive about being downstairs as felt separate from rest of us but loves it now. In your shoes i would seriously consider moving before baby is a year old.