AIBU to think we don’t NEED to move house.

[Whattheactual20201]

Me and DP are talking through logistics of the children’s bedrooms. We are not arguing but debating about long term.
I live in a nice area, good schools and our family live here.
i have a 3 bedroom terraced house with 2 DC
13 DS and 7 DD
I have just found out that I am 30 weeks pregnant but likely to be induced like previous 2 a few weeks early. Now this is not an immediate issue as we haven’t had much time to sort things as baby will be in with us for the first year.
The age gaps are obviously quite big which is what DP thinks the issue will be.
We could get a bigger house moving further out and 100 percent more for our money but I like my house and location.
Baby is a girl so I’m thinking she could share with DD1 who would be 8 or we use the dining room as a room if she needs her own space. By the time youngest is 10
The elder 2 would be 23 and 17.
He thinks due to age gaps we need to move to a 4 bedroom, I feel like it isn’t worth giving up locations and schools for.

Do you have children with large age gaps sharing a room ?

You seem to have thought of some practical ideas/options in your own home that mean no need to move. Even without them I would have said not to move. Large expense, uprooting of schools, hopefully DS in university in five years time, loss/reduction of social network and more difficult for family to visit (post Covid).

Hope all goes well with the new baby.

if you are going to move you need to do it after eldest gcse exams otherwise it is too disruptive for them.

Loft conversion may be a possibility. I would look at that first or splitting the largest room. The baby will only need a box room for about five years if you have a cot bed/toddler bed.

@ABabyPanda
You are right she is thrilled. I reckon more thrilled than my boss will be Monday morning 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely stay out if you can. Could you put up a sketch of your ground floor as it sounds like you could extend out the back for a larger living area and have a downstairs bedroom for the eldest.

Hmm yes your boss, they are going to be thrilled at the news 😂

Space wise it sounds like you can give all the children the individual bedroom space they need but there’s more to living in a house peaceably than individual bedroom space.

If I recall from your other thread, DP doesn’t live with you yet. So you’ve been living in a house with just 3 of you and you’re now going to have 5 people in the same square footage. That’s going to feel like you’re a lot more on top of each other than you’re used to. On top of a surprise pregnancy and perhaps a bit of a fast forward on your relationship with DP, that’s a lot of new things to be adjusting for all at once. I think you may need to talk a bit more with DP about how he sees family life once he’s moved in and what his own space needs are - it may be his concern about the kids having a room each is only a part of what drives his push for a move.

I understand your instinct that moving is more hassle than it’s worth for just a few years, I think I’d feel the same if I were in your place. But I do think you’re also looking at some changes where a lack of space will add to the stresses.

I would look at options that hold the possibility of creating more space and don’t take from shared space if you possibly can - Splitting a bedroom rather than using the dining room, annex in the garden (and if you can’t get that a room of some type that can be a sitting room for you and DP, a rec room for the kids, a hobby area, whatever), attic or basement extension, etc.

@RandomMess I have been on unpaid leave due to daughter shielding already so this might be a blessing 🤣

@BoomBoomsCousin yes he doesn’t live with us.
I think another issue we need to
Speak about us he might be worried because it’s “ my house “

If you extended and redecorated etc I think it would become more of a shared house. I would be loathed to move away from DDs hospital and schools where they are happy. Perhaps when your DD is in year 5 consider it ready for applying to secondary schools?

@RandomMess

Right so say for instance you walk in the front door, the entry hall way with stairs going up to the second floor. The door directly beside the front door leads in to living room. There is another door other side of living room that leads in to dining room which has doors to garden and leads in to kitchen. There is a door in the kitchen that leads back in the entry hall way 🤣
That sounds complicated 🤣

It’s like a circle route haha

You can go through living room in to dining room in to kitchen and back through the hallway where you started 🤣

But the living room is its own room it’s not open plan.

Sounds like you can reconfigure doorways and hall to have lounge as bedroom and then extend out back for new kitchen diner and current dining room becomes the lounge - nice and snug!

Congrats on your pregnancy, how exciting!

We are dividing our biggest bedroom atm with a stud wall to make 2 fair size bedrooms for our boys. The age gap is only 2 years and they’ve shared their whole lives, happily so- but DS10 will be starting secondary next year whilst DS8 will be in Y4- so we feel it’s best that DS10 has his own space. When our eldest DD moves out we will rearrange again.

This sounds like it would be a perfect solution for you! Shuffle the rooms around and then put up a stud wall in the biggest bedroom for DD7 and the baby when old enough (1 or 2 years?). As others have said your DS will probably move out in a few years and then you can change it up again then.

But to move houses, schools etc on top on as huge a change as an unexpected baby and a new live in partner is a lot for the children. Disruptive and could make them unhappy? Only you know your children, but you’ve said you don’t want to move so why should you? 3 of you are happy in that house, why unsettle 3 for 1 person who isn’t? Perhaps he will be happier with a workaround. And equally your DD may like sharing with your baby- when she is 8/9 and the baby is 1/2. Depends what kind of relationship they have and how mature for her age she is? The extra space downstairs is good also, your idea to switch the dining room to living room is good as well. It’s sounds like you have lots of potential in that house- I wouldn’t move if I was you

All the best Xx

Clearly I am not an artist 🤣🤣

But @RandomMess
Black is doors ( lowest black Line is front door ) green living room, pink dining room , blue kitchen, purple hallway, organise line stairs haha top black line is doors to garden.

So you can already enter the kitchen from the hall? That's easy then isn't it?

Just the cost of extending out the back unless going up
Into the loft is cheaper?

We have a 3 bedroom house ( 2 DC ) , the 3rd room is small , you'd fit a single bed and a wardrobe not much more ..

We gave DS the front room and use the small bedroom as storage .
He's an adult , it is a blessing to have him on a different level when he's whittering doing nline Gaming ( or his University work in peace)

If you do make a bedroom downstairs , an ensuite would be a good idea too ! (Or even hallway/kitchen divide so the plumbing is easier ? )
We have a downstairs loo but I wish we'd done a shower at the time

Haven't read your previous thread but Congratulations

I think you should stay.

The benefit to your younger teen of staying where they are, vs all the movement that would have to happen esp when by the time it matters the elder ones will likely have moved out or only need a temporary place to stay? No brainer for me.

MN in general is completely obsessed with children having their own room though. I think it would be a major upheaval that’s not really necessary.

Yes, OP is being actively congratulated on her other thread for discovering she's pregnant! Lovely news! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4076682-Ahh-help-me-in-freak-out-mode

I'd stay put if you can make it work if your only alternative is to move quite some distance. The older child in particular may well struggle moving during his GCSE years, which he may well have started as many do in Year 9 now.

Can you move the wall between the DR and LR?

@RandomMess yes access to kitchen via hallway
So in theory we could turn living room in to bedroom and block of the door that leads in to dining room from it.
Move living room in to dining room the only issue being we would have to access it from kitchen but that isn’t really an issue.

This is the reason I was sticking with 2 kids 🤣🤣

Oh definitely doesn't sound like moving would be best option. Living room into bedroom. Does the open plan dining kitchen have enough space to turn into living room with a small table to eat at or could you do a breakfast bar or anything for a short term solution? If you can afford to extend the kitchen diner that would probably be ideal, qnd cheaper than moving to a 4 bed! Moving schools is a big decision, definitely think stay. Also, you really do have enough to think about right now, take it easy! Please can someone link to the other thread, I gotta know everything! Hope all goes well OP!

I think it’s tough to make an 8 years old share with a baby. And then when 8 is 11 she will be sharing with a 3/4 year old - where will she do her homework and chat to her friends when the little one is asleep? And when she’s 13 and the baby is 5, how will you keep the younger one from messing with her stuff? Will the teenager have to have a room full of kids toys? Will she have to stay out of her room if she wants to stay up in the evening? Or be silent so the younger one can sleep if she stays in it?

It’s just a very difficult age gap imo and the older child will be so resentful. So if you stay in your house I think you’ll definitely need to make the dining room into a bedroom. Does that still give you space to have a family meal etc?

A bigger house sounds much more sensible - I would probably be prioritising that unless schools really are much worse.

Ok so what If we changed living room in to bedroom, dining room in to living room and got a conservatory for dining room / family space ?

[quote Whattheactual20201]@BrokenBrit I suppose I was sort of thinking DS might not need his room by then but that might be a bit optimistic 🤣[/quote]
I thought that, my 29 year old is just upstairs getting ready for work. 😕