to tell friend she's accidentally used my baby scan photo?

[LittleTruffle]

My baby was born last month and one of my friends is currently pregnant. During my pregnancy, I shared some pictures of my scan photos with her.

A few days ago, she posted a photo of a scan picture on social media. I recognised the scan picture immediately as one of mine. I even dug out the actual scan photo to double check - it is definitely mine that she's used.

She has clearly meant to post a picture of one of her own scan photos, but has accidentally posted one of mine and she hasn't realised what she's done.

I didn't see the social media post when she initially posted it a few days ago. I only saw it for the first time today. Already, tons of people have liked the picture and have made comments, which she has replied to.

I think, if I'd have seen her social media post when she initially posted it, I would have let her know.. but a few days have gone by now and I don't know what to do.

Should I let my friend know she's accidentally used an image of my scan photo? Or, should I keep quiet and just let her enjoy the moment as it's not doing anyone any harm?

YABU - Yes, it would be unreasonable to tell her.
YANBU - No, it would not be unreasonable to tell her.

@OwlOne

I know my DC are teenagers but I cannot believe that anybody who hadn't examined a scan picture themselves in the last few months would be able to tell the difference.

If OP posted ''oh that looks like mine!'' unless ALL of her friends on fb are new mums, they'll think 'well, of course it looks like your scan photo they all look the same''.

DO NOTHING DO NOTHING DO NOTHING SAY NOTHING

Except it’s not a generic scan picture is it? OP has regularly said that. He’s in a pose, looks like he’s holding a microphone and his other hand looks like a distinctive item the way it’s posed. One of my friends dds looked like she was holding up the devil horns rock sign with one hand, knee up and strumming a guitar with the cord - it was hilarious especially given their background and none of us have forgotten it. Some scans look all the same, that’s why when there is a distinctive one it stands out. Even more so now you get 3D scans etc.

Well, what should the OP do?

Make her friend feel silly?

Who knows why her friend did it? I suspect she wanted a cute scan photo not a blurry one. And she thought that nobody would notice.

I guess as your kids get older you just get a bit of distance from all the baby stuff. It might sound very patronising but this doesn't matter.

Even with a 3d scan, it's not like anybody is going to say, oh, I knew you looked like grandma Cindy before you were born.

It's up to the OP, she can go and ''correct'' her friend. But what is the point. It will make her friend feel foolish. Is there anything at all to be gained from making her friend feel foolish? Has her friend harmed her in any real way by using her scan photo?

I would just accept that I wasn't going to know exactly why my friend used my scan photo but either way, it wasn't done with any harmful intent, how could it be, it was either cuter, or clearer than her own. That's what I'd assume.

You'd want to have friendships to BURN to go back to her to make her feel foolish for this.

As a mother you study every part of a scan. Surely she’d realise this one isn’t of her child. I must either not be a mother or be a terrible one! DP looked at them more than I did!

Also I know the OP says the scan photo os very unique etc but many mums think that and their friends comment and go along with it but they are just seeing what they want to see, they still look the same!

Threads like this make me so glad I didn't post my pregnancies online! I had acquaintances see me when I was out whilst I was pregnant or with a new baby saying "I didn't know you were pregnant!" Well no shit that's because I only told people I wanted to know!

@OwlOne

Well, what should the OP do?

Make her friend feel silly?

Who knows why her friend did it? I suspect she wanted a cute scan photo not a blurry one. And she thought that nobody would notice.

I guess as your kids get older you just get a bit of distance from all the baby stuff. It might sound very patronising but this doesn't matter.

Even with a 3d scan, it's not like anybody is going to say, oh, I knew you looked like grandma Cindy before you were born.

It's up to the OP, she can go and ''correct'' her friend. But what is the point. It will make her friend feel foolish. Is there anything at all to be gained from making her friend feel foolish? Has her friend harmed her in any real way by using her scan photo?

I would just accept that I wasn't going to know exactly why my friend used my scan photo but either way, it wasn't done with any harmful intent, how could it be, it was either cuter, or clearer than her own. That's what I'd assume.

You'd want to have friendships to BURN to go back to her to make her feel foolish for this.

Have you actually bothered to read the OPs responses?!

She has said she doesn’t want to “correct” her or lose a friend over it...she is concerned her friend might use her child’s scan pictures in the other child’s record books and print it off for relatives etc. And they’d all be looking at it thinking “awww that’s my grandson” when it’s not...OP knows it’s a lie (albeit an accidental one) and she’s worried that if the truth were discovered her friend would be really really upset. Which, YOU may not understand but I do.

And actually, yes, with the 3D scans you do regularly hear people say “oooh look no denying he’s got Daddy’s nose” or “doesn’t she look like the Beaumont side of the family?!”.

And if you are going with the “someone else’s scan was cuter or clearer” idea (which OP isn’t) then that level of dishonesty is really bloody disturbing. What next? “Oh child A’s newborn pictures are cuter than mine and they all look the same when they are first born anyway, I’ll just use a few old ones of theirs and hope no one notices!”.

I’m baffled why anyone would think it was ok to pass someone else’s scan off as their own when it’s a blatant lie. A genuine accident as the OP suggests this is, fine and there is nothing wrong with gently or jokingly pointing it out in a sensitive way.

Even though scan photos look alike to other people, any mum would recognise her own!

Really I wouldnt have a bloody clue if someone else showed me my own scan photo. My baby is only 8 months so it's not like the scan was years ago, but they really do all look the same to me. It was great to see the scan when it was happening but I never sat and studied the photos in detail.

Like others have said, if the original scan is so unique and distinctive, how can she have not noticed?

I would say something but voice it sensitively...maybe even joke about it.
If she is a true friend she wont mind.

I would say something as it's a bit weird and a breach of confidentiality.

I'd let her know nicely as well. If you are certain she is pregnant - which was my initial thought. I know some people crop out the personal information when sending scan pics to other people so I can see how easily this mistake could be made.

Instead of posting on the actual post though, ring her or message her and joke about baby brain hitting her early as she's accidentally put your scan picture up.

I didn't put any of my scans on social media. However my 12 week scan was the weirdest looking scan I've ever seen. Couldn't make out any sort of the baby as they were cosy in the placenta and also 'upside down' from the traditional view. If I was the type to put a scan on fb I'd have seriously considered a google image for the sake of an announcement

@ProudAuntie76 i have read the thread yes and the op doesnt want to "correct" her friend but she might still raise it with her which is the same thing.

Nobody is going to be staring at that scan photo in the future and if people keep it thinking it's so and so's baby but in fact it's not, that doesnt matter at all! On a scale of zero to one thousand, it matters zero

It 'baffles' me that people cant understand this.

I don’t really understand the issue here? Just text her and said ‘hi xxx, just saw your post on Facebook and I think you might have accidentally used my scan (insert emoji or whatever here to make it lighthearted). Hope you’re ok and pregnancy is going ok blah blah’
It’s not really a big deal, just text your friend

All scans have the time and date and hospital code and scanners details in it, easy to prove if this is your scan photo or your friends.

It doesn't matter. It's a bit weird. But I wouldn't say anything.

Don't post anything publicly as a comment on her post, that might really embarrass her or even make her feel like a bad mother for failing to notice that the scan she uploaded wasn't even her own baby.
But I would message her privately saying 'oops I've just noticed you've put my scan photo up instead of yours', then she can edit the post.

There is no way she has posted the pic by accident especially as it's such a comical pose. My scan had a really comical abs clear foot picture and there's no way someone else would have thought it was there scan (having not seen it on screen, chosen it and then taken a pic of it on their own phone)

A similar thing happened to me (not with scan pictures though), and the technical reason was that I used my WhatsApp gallery and not camera roll to publish photos (I use it as it compresses the photo size automatically, very useful). So I mixed up something sent by me and something sent to me, that looked similar at a first glance.

How the hell could she not fail to notice it wasn't her scan pic especially as yours is so distinct!
And what would be weirder is you NOT saying anything.
I'd have most likely put a comment on saying ' hey, that looks exactly like my scan' (and point out the distinguishing features). It's not 'accusing' her of anything, just pointing out the similarities. She would most likely reply 'OMG, so sorry, baby brain, lol'. Everyone will have a laugh. As you say, she is genuinely pregnant and there seems to be no gain whatsoever in using your scan pic but it could end up in her baby album.

For a genuine error, leave it be. It's not worth the embarassment.

I would tell her- but face to face or over the phone, where you can do it in a friendly, lighthearted way, so that she won't take offence. Sending a message could result in it being interpreted in a different way to how you intended it.
I've had a lovely gift made by a friend from a photo I posted on Facebook.
What if someone does the same thing with this photo? She can discreetly replace the photo with one of her own. No one will notice.

I'd leave it be.
When I find my baby scan photo I need to squint at the date to check whose scan it was.
Both fill term DD was born 5lb 10oz DS was 9lb 7oz a huge difference but not recognisable to me from their scan photo.

@WaterOffADucksCrack

As a mother you study every part of a scan. Surely she’d realise this one isn’t of her child. I must either not be a mother or be a terrible one! DP looked at them more than I did!

Also I know the OP says the scan photo os very unique etc but many mums think that and their friends comment and go along with it but they are just seeing what they want to see, they still look the same!

Threads like this make me so glad I didn't post my pregnancies online! I had acquaintances see me when I was out whilst I was pregnant or with a new baby saying "I didn't know you were pregnant!" Well no shit that's because I only told people I wanted to know!

Everyone's a school day again on MN, I genuinely had no idea that people spent so many hours looking at scan photos that they could recognise them afterwards, that they sent them to their friends, put them their walls and made them into books.

I live in such a different world

Perhaps you could just say that you had an amusing one like that?

[quote OwlOne]@ProudAuntie76 i have read the thread yes and the op doesnt want to "correct" her friend but she might still raise it with her which is the same thing.

Nobody is going to be staring at that scan photo in the future and if people keep it thinking it's so and so's baby but in fact it's not, that doesnt matter at all! On a scale of zero to one thousand, it matters zero

It 'baffles' me that people cant understand this.[/quote]
No, it’s not the same thing. The OP isn’t going in all guns blazing to “make her feel foolish”. She just doesn’t want her believing this is her child when it isn’t as it could cause future upset when the truth is discovered. For Op and many people it doesn’t “matter zero”. And the truth could easily come out. These children may go to the same school, turn 18 the same year and I’ve seen scan pictures used in Show and Tell and on photo walls at 18th, 21st and even weddings. Best result, everyone has a laugh. Worst result, it comes out at a big moment, OP admits she knew all along and friend feels lied to.

It’s not that we don’t understand...it’s that we disagree. I fundamentally disagree with lies and dishonesty. You are clearly ok with that as long as it’s in the name of cuteness and clarity. And I find that baffling.

I’ve got one of the very earliest photographs of my great great grandparents...it’s grainy but I can make out family features in common with present day relatives and it’s lovely to have. It’s in the family album. I’d be really sad if I found out that my second cousin ripped it off Google, pretended it was my great great grandparents and in actual fact these people are no relation to me and they knew all along. I’d no longer want the picture. If the shoe was on the other foot and my friend realised the picture was not MY relatives but hers sent via WhatsApp etc...I’d want to know! My friend is pregnant with a miracle baby after believing for decades that she couldn’t have children. She’s constantly having private scans and is terrified (given her age) that she may lose the child before he is born and she is always sending me scan pictures via WhatsApp. I had a special print made for her in a frame with a quote underneath that’s brought her comfort and that she keeps by her bed...I don’t think either of us would be impressed if I’d used someone else’s picture or if I then went on to use her child’s scans for myself or for someone else’s gift.

You don’t get it. It’s fine. But don’t put it down to a lack of comprehension on the behalf of other posters. You have no sentimental attachment to scan pictures, others do.

I would have to tell her! For the same reasons you've said! She's obviously fond of that particular scan photo (thinking it's hers) and may use it in memory books etc