To not be sure how we never have any bloody money?!

[ThePinkGuitar]

I know lots of friends that earn the same or bit less that get to have holidays aboard, lots of days out beautiful home.
We are nearly at the end of renovating our house but no money to finish it off. Dh earns 40k plus does lots of side jobs so probably on average another £150 pm. I earn 28k (22.5 hours pro rota).
We have 2 children never have been able to take them on fancy trips. We don’t wear expensive clothes, no cosmetic costs (dye my own hair and use Rimmel make up lol).
We have an average car, pay 1k a month mortgage. We spend a lot of groceries.
But seriously where is all the money going I genuinely do not understand?!

Thanks all for the advice, suggestions and a couple of wake up calls you are absolutely right I need to get a handle on this and ASAP.
One point I would make is I’ve asked for more hours but I’m current climate not likely and I have to work part time to do all the school runs I’m on a waiting list with childminder and after school club so if I can get kids in there I can look for part time work.

@CakeRequired with you. Analyse real income and outgoings pref over a year mixing pre and post Covid. And pay down that debt before doing anything more. Does the OP know how much that's costing her and her family in interest?

OP you need to write it all down. Its very very easy to fritter away money. We earn about the same as you, also 2 kids, mortgage 1.5k a month, and never have anything left. We fritter a lot (both of us) on random trips to the shop and we both know we're guilty of it. However I did go through the bank statement and work out exactly where its going. You need to do that too.

We moved house and had 50k to do renovations

So there's your answer.

You had 50k and chose to spend it on renovations rather than clearing your debt, some nice days out and holidays.

I think you're actually taking the piss with this thread. It's like some weird attempt at a stealth brag.

Read your bank statements. That will tell you where your money is going.

Lockdown has shown us where we waste money - coffees and lunches at work, meals out etc.

Plus ds' clubs really add up. Per month:
Football team subs £25
Swimming £25
Striker training £40

Plus £60 a month breakfast club there's £150!

Sounds like the house move wasn’t the wisest choice, £50k plus more needed. Have the renovations been over budget? maybe you could have went for cheaper items?
£1k mortgage is a fair amount plus debt to clear. If you are clueless I’d think the renovations weren’t well budgeted.
Write a spreadsheet out and stick to it religiously.

How much of your net income goes on servicing all that debt?

I think you should go back to basics for a few months, buy everything you can from Aldi/Lidl, don't buy anything that isn't essential and throw money at reducing the debt. Do it in a structured way, clear the one that has the highest interest rate first, as that will produce the biggest reduction in outgoings.

Op the secret here is to read your bank statements. It will tell you where the money is going. Randoms on mumsnet cannot.

You don't earn silly money and have a hefty 20k of debt and a large mortgage. That's where your money is going I'm afraid.

Given you've got nearly £20k of debt, I would presume that's where it goes.

What does is cost per month?

Use a budget app like YNAB. Since we started using this app (about 6 years ago) we have gone from being overdrawn each month to having a healthy bank balance and plenty of savings. We don't earn any more than we did 6 years ago , in fact DH and I have been subject to a pay freeze for all of that time and have had maybe 1-2% rise in salary
I think often people forget the number of categories of things you can spend money on if you earn a reasonable amount of money. I'll post the list of categories I have on YNAB so you can see

Cash is always king so put away at least £200 a month in savings before putting towards the debt. Then get a 0% credit card, put some of the debt on there and pay back at the minimum rate and maximise paying off the debts with the high interest rate. Stop works on the renovation if you can live in the house or consider DIY. Give a little to charity because you know it will come back to you some how in another way when you need it the most

I’m a solo parent, 2 kids, £40k I do alright. my mortgage is half what yours is.

what's your monthly income? On the one hand I agree with the posters who say 60k etc doesn't go far & a 1k mortgage is normal. However it's a little disingenuous to be spending 40k on renovations & have 20k in debt & not be clear on your income & be surprised you don't know where your moneys goes.

Pre-pandemic, it was more possible for someone to struggle to work out where their money was going if they just kept taking cash from the cashpoint and spending £3-£20 repeatedly on take -away coffees, lunches, soft play, ice-cream, fruit shoots, flowers, magazines, a souvenir at the gift shop etc.
But now, if those things are available, they are mostly paid for by contactless card so there is a record.
OP go to your bank statements, credit card statements for the last 3 months and find out where the money went. Is it online shopping? Buying food you don't eat?
Once you have the information, you can take action. Knowledge is power.

We recently did a spreadsheet to see where our money was mostly being spent as we have around £4000 coming in after tax, no mortgage or debts or finance, so only household bills, and we were still dipping into our savings every month. We've also finished a big building/renovation project so some is going on finishing touches and we don't mind so much. One more room to redecorate but we're going go to do it ourselves instead of calling someone in. The groceries were a shocking amount, and I've started weekly meal planning to use what we have in the fridge/freezer/cupboards more efficiently. I was buying my dad lunch when I visit every day so that was around £4-5 a day. I'm making an extra dish for Dad the night before now and popping it round next day. Also realised how much money we were giving to the kids when they asked for it for things like video games. So we now get them to wash the cars etc and earn it (saving money on the car wash). These little things really add up over the course of a month.

How much do you earn after tax? That will help you understand how much you're spending vs net income for a start.

Let me stay with you for a week, or a month,.and I'll show you where you are going wrong.

The first thing you need to do is be honest about your spending. Id bet you aren't being honest with all the little things you think are irrelevant but they add up.

Let me know; I'm being serious and happy to sleep on the sofa. Once we've worked it out I'll just.charge you 50% of the first 2 months savings.

Can I recommend YNAB? (You Need a Budget). It has helped us so much analyse and control our expenditure. Helped us buy a house, have some lovely holidays and now saving up to fix up the house. It's amazing how money vanishes when you don't have a budget that you stick to. Good luck!

I never really 'get' these threads. We earn a hell of a lot less between us and it sounds like we have around the same amount of debt, same mortgage etc. Yet have quite a bit 'left' after essentials. Even though DHs wage is lower (furlough) we seem to be better off, I suppose its the commute.

Try running everything through here

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/tools/budget-planner

And see where it goes. Maybe do this every few months to keep an eye on it. You should really not be skint on the amount you get! Even with paying a lot of debt.

Dunno, seems quite easy to see where your money goes. You have a large mortgage, have renovated your house and are paying off substantial debt. These are three big costs. Its not a mystery.

Feck off! Try living on the minimum wage!

CAR
Travel Expenses
Fuel & Parking fees
Car Tax
Car maintenance (MOT, Service, repairs etc)
Savings for car replacement

FOOD
Groceries
School lunches
Takeaway/Eating Out

DISCRETIONARY/ENTERTAINMENT
Holiday savings
Travel Insurance
Clothing
Personal grooming
Misc Electronics/cables/wifi equipment
Hobbies/Gaming/toys
Paper books & mags
Replacement phones/laptops etc (Savings for )
TV/Home phone/internet provider
Digital downloads (books/games/music etc)

BILLS
Mortgage/Rent
Council Tax
Water
Mobile phone bills
Electric & Gas payment
Life insurance

CHILDREN AND FAMILY
Out of school activities/clubs
Childcare
Savings for children
Allowance/Pocket money
School trips and activities
Family visits
Family fun/Days out

HOUSEHOLD
Home Improvements (Projects)
Maintenance/upkeep/garden/fixing & replacing things
Building and content insurance

CHRISTMAS
Christmassavings

HEALTH AND FITNESS
Dentist and optician charges
Medical/Prescription charge (exc glasses and dentist charges)
Fitness/gym

GIFTS/CHARITY DONATIONS
Giving - Charity payments
Gifts Family & Friends (not Xmas)
Anniversary (Save for - gifts,cars trip away etc)

OTHER
Subscriptions (unions etc)
Debt Payments
Interest & Fees

Some of these are specific to us ( we have family that live a long way away and a visit costs around £300 - 900 depending on how many of us go so we have to plan for it). I have also deleted some very specific thing to us for instance we have has a lot of costs associated with getting our dual nationality issues sorted out recently. Also all three of us wear glasses which need saving for when we have a new prescription

But fundamentally that is a pretty long list that I imagine most people spend some money on and there are lots of things there
that are not essential and you can save money on by budgeting an amount and sticking to it