To not be sure how we never have any bloody money?!

[ThePinkGuitar]

I know lots of friends that earn the same or bit less that get to have holidays aboard, lots of days out beautiful home.
We are nearly at the end of renovating our house but no money to finish it off. Dh earns 40k plus does lots of side jobs so probably on average another £150 pm. I earn 28k (22.5 hours pro rota).
We have 2 children never have been able to take them on fancy trips. We don’t wear expensive clothes, no cosmetic costs (dye my own hair and use Rimmel make up lol).
We have an average car, pay 1k a month mortgage. We spend a lot of groceries.
But seriously where is all the money going I genuinely do not understand?!

Oh yes, forgot free prescriptions, dental...etc too

I know families earning £50k where the adults can’t afford to go to the dentist and they shop at Lidl. Your perception of wealth is laughable.

Your money is going on debt, renovations, mortgage and groceries

You probably spend a lot on these?

Buying whatever you fancy in supermarkets costs ££££

My husband and I are on similar joint income to you and your husband and I feel the same.
I am pretty strict with budgeting- we have excel sheets etc. planned saving and we are budgeted down to last pound every month.
I have bought probably 3 items of new clothing for myself this year and have had 1 hair cut. Dye my own hair. Don't get any beauty treatments.
We have found that food costs have really increased this year which is meaning every month we are £10 or so overbudget.
I've take on an extra few hours work a week to try and help improve our circumstances and am mainly feeling grateful that currently our jobs aren't at risk.

Your answer is in your OP!

Renovation
Lots on groceries
In debt
Fairly sizeable mortgage payment

@Mintjulia

Buy supermarket own Buy basics, don't buy steak, salmon, Ice cream, ciabatta, strawberries in December Learn to cook and cook what is in season Don't order takeaways Halve the alcohol you buy Stop buying anything you don't actually need - makeup, magazines, candles, fancy crisps, air freshners Have shoes and clothes repaired/reheeled rather than buying new Don't buy premium tyres, petrol etc, buy the next one down Cancel pay TV, gym membership, milk & veg deliveries Do your own cleaning, wash your own car, walk your own dog, cut your own lawn Etc etc

Sounds bloody awful

We earn quite a lot but never have any spare money. I do know exactly where it all goes though (school fees, DS's eye-wateringly expensive hobby and our inability to do a weekly shop meaning we go in a supermarket every bloody day). It's really easy to let money slip through your fingers if you don't watch it like a hawk.

I agree with PP

Knowing that you have similar income to others you are comparing yourselves with is futile. You are only looking at income, and not comparing outgoings.

Your mortgage could be three times what others have, and maybe they have no debt to repay?

You do have to sit down like grown ups and go through your statements and add up all the little things you are spending on. For example, you say you spend a lot on groceries. How much? Do you buy lunches out? Have takeaways? Spend money on hobbies and clubs? Childcare?

Your transport costs might be much higher than others.

Once you have a clear picture, even if it is scary, you can then make a proper plan to rid yourselves of debt and make better decisions about expenditure. Good luck

They are on a good enough income to not need to go to the above extremes

And to what end... to afford one abroad holiday a year?

I think you need to post yiur budget for set expense. As for example some people have child care or school clubs. An expensive commute or hobby.

Also how much do you actually earn? It seems like it's probably going on debt, mortgage and house stuff.

Seems like a lot of income to end up with no savings and in debt, as well as no luxuries bought. Definitely worth tracking spend for 2-3 months, or just going through statements and working it out (quicker).

You have £1000 mortgage ok not excessive but it could be lower .
You have £18 k debt
You are renovating your house that's expensive.
Kids are expensive.
I'd say it's the debt you are struggling with . I only had a couple of thousand on my credit card that I was desperate to pay off but I'd pay £100-£200 what I could afford each month but that's the money I'd use for luxuries . I managed to pay it off with a 0% credit card now that money I save and I'm much better off .
My advice get a 0% credit card and may it off , try and reduce food shop , shop savvy etc .

I sympathise with you OP. Our money seems to disappear. I look at you with envy having been able to buy a house! Keep your chin up and keep chipping away at it. By the time you have paid off your debts you’ll probably have also had a pay rise... just think how great that will be. :)

Pleasantly surprised that this hasn’t turned into a thread full of “other people can afford more holidays than you because they use credit/get help from family” responses.

OP, you have a large amount of debt.
How much are the repayments?

Also, I assume you saved money for the renovation so some a lot of your money has gone in to that.

@islockdownoveryet

How do you know their mortgage could be lower?

Your £18k debt will be expensive, can you add it to your mortgage or otherwise consolidate it into something cheaper?

Apart from that, as others have said, you need to use your bank statements to add up all your incomings and outgoings. Don't compare yourselves with others, you don't know their situation. Once you've got your list, go through to make reductions; get better utility/ phone deals etc. Also go through your shopping bills; are you buying based on the best offers, are you ever throwing out food?

We used to be like that, PinkGuitar. Never had two h'pennies to rub together some of the time. I was never envious of others but did sometimes wonder how they managed and we didn't. I guess I'll never know the answer to that.

Those days are over for me now, I'm retired and have pension, etc.

The only thing I learned is that I would see my child as hard up as we were.

People never seem to mention this on debt threads but selling things really helps. I have in the past sold unwanted jewellery, bundles of the kids clothes, toys and bikes. It’s great for getting rid of clutter and I overpay my debt by about £50 a month because of it. I also ask my friends for hand me down clothes for the kids which really helps. Check out whether you are claiming everything you can tax free childcare etc.
When Covid is over would you consider babysitting a few nights a week??

@reefedsail

We earn quite a lot but never have any spare money. I do know exactly where it all goes though (school fees, DS's eye-wateringly expensive hobby and our inability to do a weekly shop meaning we go in a supermarket every bloody day). It's really easy to let money slip through your fingers if you don't watch it like a hawk.

This.

Recently we have really tried to get in control of food shopping, meal planning/ being organised. The amount we were spending on groceries was eye watering. This is for 5 people plus dog and cat and the 3 kids all take packed lunches. Even with trying to control it it’s still far too much.

[quote Jroseforever]@islockdownoveryet

How do you know their mortgage could be lower?[/quote]
Because people have lower mortgages ,
If you can't afford a £1000 mortgage get a cheaper house .

You've answered your own question. You are already spending money on stuff other than holidays and you have debts to service.

@jroseforever. No, not really. It takes a change of mindset but it's ok. I've been out of work since September and actually it's easy. Running rather than classes, cycling with DS.

I'm providing healthy food, toiletries and all household stuff for about £48 a week. Antonio Carluccio is my friend . DS hasn't noticed any difference

@user1471462428

People never seem to mention this on debt threads but selling things really helps. I have in the past sold unwanted jewellery, bundles of the kids clothes, toys and bikes. It’s great for getting rid of clutter and I overpay my debt by about £50 a month because of it. I also ask my friends for hand me down clothes for the kids which really helps. Check out whether you are claiming everything you can tax free childcare etc. When Covid is over would you consider babysitting a few nights a week??

Really?

I think posters always say sell stuff, I always think that I don't have anything to sell, maybe I'm unusual but I don't have things lying around to sell

Of course it could be lower
It could be anywhere between £0.1p and £999.99 and still be “lower”

Try using something like yolt - it will bring together all your current accounts and credit cards so you can track what money is going where - its super easy to use. It will also flag large payments made / due so you don't go overdrawn

Review the interest rates on your credit - credit cards, loans, mortgage etc and switch if possible

Review utilities to check you are on best deals

Council tax can be spread over 12 months rather than 10 to lower monthly commitment

[quote Mintjulia]@jroseforever. No, not really. It takes a change of mindset but it's ok. I've been out of work since September and actually it's easy. Running rather than classes, cycling with DS.

I'm providing healthy food, toiletries and all household stuff for about £48 a week. Antonio Carluccio is my friend . DS hasn't noticed any difference [/quote]
Genuinely good on you, sounds great