To not be sure how we never have any bloody money?!

[ThePinkGuitar]

I know lots of friends that earn the same or bit less that get to have holidays aboard, lots of days out beautiful home.
We are nearly at the end of renovating our house but no money to finish it off. Dh earns 40k plus does lots of side jobs so probably on average another £150 pm. I earn 28k (22.5 hours pro rota).
We have 2 children never have been able to take them on fancy trips. We don’t wear expensive clothes, no cosmetic costs (dye my own hair and use Rimmel make up lol).
We have an average car, pay 1k a month mortgage. We spend a lot of groceries.
But seriously where is all the money going I genuinely do not understand?!

@Mintjulia I am in the same situation and I am actually happy. I don’t have any money but all the comparisons have nearly stopped between the kids as they can no longer go to the cinema/horse riding and or expensive holidays. Some of the happiness I’ve found recently is just playing hide and seek in the house. Life is what you make it.

You acknowledge that you spend a lot on groceries - I agree with PPs that you need to do a more detailed analysis of expenditure, and great that you are reducing old debts.
If you know you need to reduce food spend, but have you seen any of the BBC series "eat well for less"?

You don't need to watch that many episodes - it's amazing that they've had so many series given that the advice generally always boils down to the same things**, but probably worth catching up with those.

** avoid brands in favour of supermarket varieties
cook from scratch
avoid/reduce take aways and spending on work lunches
meal planning and shopping lists to reduce food waste
fruit & veg in favour of sweet snacks/crisps

(seven series in six bullet points!)

@Jroseforever

Of course it could be lower It could be anywhere between £0.1p and £999.99 and still be “lower”

Well that's my point , You can have a smaller more manageable mortgage but be able to afford luxuries. So many people have big outgoings then compare themselves to others who go out have nice holidays etc .

[quote Waveysnail]www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/tools/budget-planner[/quote]
You beat me to it! Very useful tool.

Also, move all debt and credit cards to a low interest, long term loan to reduce costs.

How much do you spend on groceries - how much is ‘alot’? Try the ‘brand downshift challenge’, ie. instead of Kellogg’s, try Tesco own, and instead of Tesco own, , try Tesco value range. You’ll be surprised how many cheaper brands you’ll actually like.

You don’t know the mortgage deal. So perhaps that they are on best deal and it couldn’t be lower

I think your point is perhaps they could be in a lower priced property with a smaller mortgage?

I used to wonder the same thing OP and then I decided to really start taking control.
Its terrifying how much you can spend without thinking. Even a daily paper and a couple of coffees add up.
Now I have a spreadsheet with all my incoming and outgoings on it.
I have a Christmas fund account which I put something every month into.
I use comparison websites to find the cheapest products, food and services. Use go compare to get the best deals on utilities every renewal date, check equinox and constantly get better deals on outstanding credit and shop for any expensive itemise a new TV on black Friday or sales.
Just by doing this I've managed to put aside 5k this year alone on an average salary.
Its so very easy to spend small amounts regularly and not be aware that they are really adding up.
I'll be paying off all my outstanding debts in a month and I dont want any more credit or loans. I'll save instead.

“ ** avoid brands in favour of supermarket varieties
cook from scratch
avoid/reduce take aways and spending on work lunches
meal planning and shopping lists to reduce food waste
fruit & veg in favour of sweet snacks/crisps

(seven series in six bullet points!)”

Love this summary!

Those other people who go on exotic holidays, buy new cars etc have made different lifestyle choices, ie I doubt they have £18k of debt which must take a chunk out of your income.

If you want to clear your debts and have more spare money for holidays and trips etc, I think you should consider selling your house once the renovations are done and moving to something cheaper.

Life's not all about having a nice big house, as like you said in your OP, it seems you'd be happier with more time and spare money instead.

Open up your online banking and a spreadsheet.

Look at everything you've paid over the last three or four months. Every single thing. Enter the details into a spreadsheet - mortgage, gas, electric, water, internet, phone, Tesco etc. I bet you are spending a lot more in the supermarket than you should. Even an extra £25 pw is £100 pm and £1200 pa. You have to be brutal - don't think "Oh I won't enter that because it's a one off.

@ThePinkGuitar write down all your outgoings here and we can see if we can help.
A mortgage of £1k on both your wages is high. Are you sure you have the best deal? How I’d the £20k debt being sorted?
If you list it all we can see where you can adjust your spending.

Get an A4 piece of paper.
Income on one side, ALL outgoings on the other. Easy.

Tone deaf , OP.

How do two people manage to get married, have children, run up almost 20k worth of debt and yet have no idea where their money goes? Do you never talk to each other, do you just hand over cards without thinking?

It's pretty obvious what you need to do, but you're too dumb to even work that out. Write down what your outgoings are, and figure out how to reduce those.

I hope to god your renovations are part of the debt, although considering you managed to start renovations without a proper budget and now can't finish it, I'm doubting that. You need to learn how to use a calculator.

I would not be surprised if the 'average' car is not average in its fuel consumption.

Look in detail at spending, also some good ideas from other posters.

A phenomenal number of my friends are heavily subsidised by well off boomer parents - and are open about this.

Eg one friend's parents pays several hundred of her monthly nursery bill.

Another has parents who pay for their car and an annual family holiday to a nice villa in the Mediterranean.

It's not unusual that grandma is paying for childrens shoes, coats, school uniform & lots of treats and toys.

Anyway, comparison is the thief of joy. It wont bring you answers or improve your lot in life. You do you. If you want more from your own money, budget properly

Well for starters, working part time is clearly a luxury that you can't afford when you have 18k worth of debt.

Well if you don't know we don't know

@CakeRequired why attack the OP? haven't you ever gotten yourself into debt? The OP is asking for help not for criticism

If you don't know where it's going that's exactly why you never have any money!

Write down all income and expenditure and keep a record of every penny you spend.

Do that for a month and you will clearly see where you are going wrong.

Then take control of your finances. Make budgets and stick to them.

Only onto 2nd so far but...
My if I worked full time it would 28k
The costs of the house renovations were from a different pot. We moved house and had 50k to do renovations some went onto other debts but not enough to clear all the debt. The work is more of less finished now but can’t afford finishing bits and pieces garden needs sorting, done more painting, wallpaper etc the bulk is done (rewire, kitchen walls, new bathrooms etc)

[quote Thewoodfromthetrees]@CakeRequired why attack the OP? haven't you ever gotten yourself into debt? The OP is asking for help not for criticism[/quote]
@CakeRequired might have been a little harsh but her point is fair, the issue isn't really the debt,it's that the OP hasnt the common sense it appears to have gone through the spending to see where the money is going

Someone we know would say the same. They piss their money away on junk. Extra parts for the car to make it look like a toy. Random crap off Wish. Computer games. Alcohol. It's the small things that you dont notice but add up.
Go through your bank statements and assign each outgoing to what it was and look at what you're spending your money on.

@Thewoodfromthetrees

You think this is normal for two adults to have gotten themselves into this much debt and still need to ask a forum where their money goes? Come on..

It's pretty bloody obvious where it went. Neither of them have the sense to say no. They spend without thinking.

Going by her update, they had 18k worth of debt, but rather than being sensible and paying that off, they spent 50k on renovations and other debt that they can't afford to finish. How is any of that sensible?

£1,000 is a lot a month on a mortgage when interest rates are so low.

Also you say yourself you spend a lot on groceries so start with those. Make a menu plan for a week or longer (monthly plan and big shop I think works out cheaper), make a list and stick to it.

Buy cheaper brands, eat less meat, batch cook and freeze, look for bargains in the supermarkets.