To call him my husband?

[WingingItMumma]

My partner and I are engaged and have been for over 2 years now. We have been together 5 years and were friends for 4 years before that. Towards the beginning of the engagement, we lost a baby and then fell pregnant again and my mind was all over the place with anxiety because of the previous loss. We then had the baby and 4 weeks later, lockdown happened. Otherwise we would probably be married by now. (I don't want a huge, takes years to plan wedding). The only reason we haven't popped to the registry office when it was safe to during COVID is that his 2 brothers live abroad and he doesn't want to get married without them there (which I totally get!).

But, we are living like we are married. Everything is the same between us as it would be a happily married couple, apart from a piece of paper. I hate referring to him as my partner, or worse, boyfriend (he's in his 40s, hardly a boy!) and the term fiancé gives me the ick. If people refer to him as "your husband" (trades people, shop staff etc) then I don't correct them. But is it weird to actually refer to him as my husband if we're not technically married?

Just to note, I don't call him my husband at the moment. I just want to put feelers out to see if it's socially acceptable. I also realise I'm a chronic over thinker and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.

Utterly wrong @lionobserving. Spousal Consent is not mandatory for divorce
Lack of consent will lengthen process and make it more fraught
But no, you can not be prevented from petitioning for divorce

Regard inheritance, it is complicated
Depends on length of marriage, value of inheritance, when was the inheritance eg start of marriage, or current at point of break up

@SentientAndCognisant so not utterly wrong at all then.. the husband CAN prevent divorce for a number of years. I didn't say indefinitely. But if you want a clean break from someone, years can be a very long time.

Obviously there are nuances but my point, which you've not shown as being utterly wrong at all, is that there's good and bad on both sides. PPs have no idea whether OP needs marriage for protection for her and DC and it's totally ludicrous to suggest that she must do, based on minimal info.

Get married if you want, don't if you don't. But don't rely on marriage as a catch all for protection for you & DC, if it's needed.

You are wrong, spousal,consent isn’t required.one can divorce without it
You don’t need to sit pleading, purleeeeeese sign the petition

@SentientAndCognisant

You are wrong, spousal,consent isn’t required.one can divorce without it You don’t need to sit pleading, purleeeeeese sign the petition

you can immediately divorce your DH without his consent? You sure?

I think its weird to be more concerned about calling someone your husband than actually marrying them.

If I knew you and you kept calling him your husband yes I'd think it was odd, or if I heard you telling a shop staff I'd wonder why. He isn't your husband - why not suggest a registry office and a party later for the brothers if you want to call him so that badly.

When I first filed for divorce my ex said he was going to contest which he was in his rights to do. I petitioned on Grounds of Unreasonable Behaviour which he objected to. He had abused me for years but refused to accept this.
His (eventual) response was that he believed the marriage had not irretrievably broken down. Despite him changing the locks to the marital home within hours of me leaving!! What a joke.
Again, it was all about delaying tactics and financial control.
Took me five years from first Petition until Decree Absolute. Would have taken longer but I think his gf got a bit fed up with him.
He wore his wedding ring for about a year after I'd left him and wouldn't take down our photos. It was proper creepy.

I refer you to my previous post @lionobserving
Spousal Consent is not mandatory for divorce
Lack of consent will lengthen process and make it more fraught
But no, you can not be prevented from petitioning for divorce

You said immediate, I did not
I have already stated failure to sign petition adds time & undoubtedly makes it fraught. But ultimately one can divorce without spousal consent

@SentientAndCognisant

I refer you to my previous post *@lionobserving* Spousal Consent is not mandatory for divorce Lack of consent will lengthen process and make it more fraught But no, you can not be prevented from petitioning for divorce

You said immediate, I did not
I have already stated failure to sign petition adds time & undoubtedly makes it fraught. But ultimately one can divorce without spousal consent

And it being fraught was exactly my point... people sharing that OP is failing to protect herself and DC by not marrying are failing to see the nuances of each side. It being fraught to separate someone seems to be the opposite of protection? My point, which you've helped prove, was that neither is a fix-all to protect OP & DC. Marriage provides some protections and also provides some difficulties in protecting. Not being married provides some protection and also provides some difficulties in protecting. That was my point.

@Bluntness100

Partner gives ambiguity to whether he’s a man or a woman - and whilst I don’t care what people think of me etc, some may feel uncomfortable about how to address it & convos to awkward with ‘they’/‘her’/‘partner’ unnecessairly (as in no one wants to tread on any toes. If I were gay, then I’d state so more clearly

No one feels uncomfortable that’s in your head.

I have been using the title Mrs for years, as its the correct title for an adult woman

I’m afraid that’s incorrect. It’s the correct title for a married woman. It is not the correct title for an unmarried one. You can use miss or ms. Mrs is factually incorrect.

I beg to differ - based on experience w people feeling exactly that - awkward. So for ‘low contact/non close’ social contact, if they say husband, or I do, it is fine. HE on the other hand just refers to me as thr leggy blonde. Or my name. All good. If peeps say ‘your wife’, we don't really care about that either. But hey - I’ll tell them you said they're weren’t feeling that.

Anywho, am a Ms., keeping my own name ( I am well known by it in my industry/line of business and I like my name) whether we marry eventually or not. If we do, it’ll be for the craic and the cake ;) Financially secure in non-marital ways in terms of income, mortgage etc so no incentive there (other than perhaps tax but also running our businesses so that even that ‘incentive’ is negligible) - and I’d certainly not marry for tax anyway. God’s good w us the way we are (acc to our priest. I obv don’t have a direct line to the man himself :D)

HE on the other hand just refers to me as thr leggy blonde

Are you a character from a Jilly Cooper novel?

To be fair, in those terms, I'd be referred to as the dumpy, overexcited ginger!

I'm divorced and still call myself Mrs. IMO I'm too old (late forties) for Miss and I don't like Ms. On the other hand, in front of friends I call my OH 'my current boyfriend' or 'my sexy man, here' - he blushes, my friends laugh, but everyone knows it's done with affection and humour. At the end of the day you can call your OH whatever you want provided he's happy with that.

I think it’s fine. I lived with my husband for many, many years before we got married. We shared children, finances and mortgages. We then had an amazing wedding but my feelings remained the same before and after. I wouldn’t have corrected anyone who called him my husband and may have referred to him as such depending on the context. I don’t think anyone I know would’ve have cared / taken offence.

It is important that you realize there may be legal implications to marriage. But beyond that, call him your husband if you want to.

@CandyLeBonBon

HE on the other hand just refers to me as the leggy blonde
Is he Rod Stewart?

Personally I would make a point of calling him my baby daddy until he marched me to the registrars in annoyance.

@1Morewineplease

He's not your husband. It sounds as though you want to call him your husband. Surely you'd be lying to people if you said that he is your husband. Get married. It's like people who have had half a dozen dates and start referring to their partner.

I know a lad who had been with his new girlfriend for three hours before calling her "my missus".