So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

@dolphinpose

OP, if I was you, I'd move to Kent. Tonbridge or Sevenoaks or Tunbridge Wells. Great schools, quiet market towns, gorgeous countryside, gentler more rural pace of life but super quick commutes into London. Same is true of some parts of Surrey.

The villages around Sevenoaks and TW are lovely, more laid-back and very commutable as well. But if Whitstable is out of the OP's price range I'm pretty sure Sevenoaks/TW will be!

Ashford, unlovely as it is, has good schools & superfast commute to St Pancras & London Underground.

Honestly I'd rather stay in London than move to Ashford - no offence to anyone who lives there, but it's really not what I'm looking for!

What part of London are you in Op?

Honestly, you seem to have a huge list of 'must haves' but not much must have money. I'm not sure the place you want, for the price you want actually exists.

@DappledThings that photo is beautiful!

I’m fed up with my life. The cost of housing is depressing and the low salaries.

Maybe we could swap lives @funkyfruitloops

I totally sympathize with you on this. We stayed in (near) London till we paid off our mortgage . We were frugal and did not spend loads on clothes and eating out but concentrated on those mortgage payments. When you eventually can move to Cornwall / Devon you will have security and equity. Any move to a rural area which is actually poor seems like a great idea but what if you don't like it ? You will spend all your money on a nice idyllic home but will never be able to afford to move back. Its also expensive to travel back to London by train or flights . Maybe get a job or start earning some money from home yourself to allow your family to realize your dream sooner ?

Your putting your husbands job and happiness before your own, how long realistically can you keep this up before the cracks start showing?

You only live for once, stop living someone's else's life and live your own before it's too late and you end up regretting all the things you wished you had done.

@DimidDavilby

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown.

You don't own Cornwall. If there is a property for sale, quite clearly it is not 'full'. Who do you think you are?

Honestly, you seem to have a huge list of 'must haves' but not much must have money. I'm not sure the place you want, for the price you want actually exists.

What is your budget OP? And what are your must haves?

It is significantly cheaper in Cornwall/Devon that London, so I'd be willing to bet you could find something that ticks most boxes. (And yes, I know there are some eye-wateringly expensive parts of Cornwall/Devon too).

Well, seaside areas are overrun by tourists in summer, and over priced. They can be grim and desolate in winter.

My mum lives in a popular seaside town and it has fewer residents than the village I live in in the midlands. While that might sound nice and quiet it's actually very dull. And dreadful for kids. Then in summer you can't even go to Tesco because you can't park in town, so you have to go inland to a different town to shop.

My niece and nephew grew up in a seaside town and could not wait to get away. They offer very little for teenagers.

@GalaxyCookieCrumble

Your putting your husbands job and happiness before your own, how long realistically can you keep this up before the cracks start showing?

You only live for once, stop living someone's else's life and live your own before it's too late and you end up regretting all the things you wished you had done.

Errr, it's the husband's job that would be funding OP's lifestyle change. If she leaves him I struggle to see how she can obtain this 'simple' and idyllic life that she envisages, 10 minutes walk away from the beach, and all the other requirements that she specifies (it looks simple, but requires a hefty chunk of money to make it work).

I sympathise, but to me it reads like a lot of 'i want i want i want' countered with 'I don't really have any useful skills for a job'. You need to put something on the line: you need to work. There's no getting around that. Even then you might need to think hard about what you will prioritise (what's more important, 10 minutes from the beach or excellent secondary schools?) You will have to select and think through it critically.

@onandon8

Can anyone give more insight into what the schools are like in Devon and Cornwall? I’m so worried about the DC getting mixed up in gangs in London.

DH’s clients are all happy to meet via Zoom, but he’s worried that could change after the pandemic is over.

Same as London. Some are outstanding some are utter shite. You need to do some research.

What is your budget OP? And what are your must haves?

@purplefig Budget is around £300 (could stretch to £320 if needed) and I'd like to be by the sea with three bedrooms and some outside space. Ideally in a town rather than a village so I could potentially find work locally. That's pretty much it really!

@onandon8 is that a mortgage of £300 per month (if so what value of you house will you be looking up to? Or house price of £300K?

Budget is around £300 (could stretch to £320 if needed) and I'd like to be by the sea with three bedrooms and some outside space

Is that based on the equity value of your house or your DH’s maximum borrowing?

@purplefig sorry, house price of £300k.

*Your putting your husbands job and happiness before your own, how long realistically can you keep this up before the cracks start showing?

You only live for once, stop living someone's else's life and live your own before it's too late and you end up regretting all the things you wished you had done.*

This is all very well, but then it circles back around to needing to earn enough to fund the life she wants. There's a very strong theme coming through of all kinds of affordable places not being good enough for OP and high expectations of rural and coastal beauty, schools, cottage etc that just don't square with a SAHM with what she says are no skills that can earn her much money. So sure she can dream, that's for free, but if she wants to make it real, she has to be much more realistic. Either upskill to afford the dream, or do what everyone else does - move to a cheaper place with some compromises or stay put and make the best of it.

@flaviaritt both! That's the most DH wants to borrow so we don't have to worry about the mortgage like we do now.

@VanGoghsDog My niece and nephew grew up in a seaside town and could not wait to get away. They offer very little for teenagers.

That's a shame that was their experience, but it's disappointing to see so many blanket statements on this thread.

FWIW, I live on a coastline where lots of local teenagers are actively and enthusiastically involved with all sorts of watersports.

onandon8

The difficulty with the budget (IMO) is that you wouldn’t know your DH was going to be able to maintain his earnings.

Anyway, he’s saying no at the moment (and I think for good reason!), so probably best to look at options for training so you can cover any shortfall yourself.

@onandon8 £300K is plenty to get a three bedroom house near the sea with some outside space. You might not be able to afford to live in the uber wealthy areas, but neither would you want to if you are looking for community as a lot of them are deserted in the winter as lots of the properties are second homes. FWIW, our house is around your budget and would tick all your boxes (we're not selling through, sorry )

What are people’s thoughts on Kent? I know there are some nice bits but it’s still the overcrowded, stressful SE!

Someone has suggested Folkestone. It’s a bigger town in itself but next to it is Hythe which is small and cute + there are lovely villages like Sandgate or Saltwood.

It’s not busy at all and nestled between the sea and the hills of the Kent Downs AONB. Great primaries and for secondary you get grammars or poor non-selective options so a bit of a gamble there but the grammars are far easier to get into that the London ones.

(But I am confused why you find Brighton or Hove appealing since they’re both big and busy).

[quote purplefig]**@VanGoghsDog* My niece and nephew grew up in a seaside town and could not wait to get away. They offer very little for teenagers.*

That's a shame that was their experience, but it's disappointing to see so many blanket statements on this thread.

FWIW, I live on a coastline where lots of local teenagers are actively and enthusiastically involved with all sorts of watersports.[/quote]
Great.

They don't enjoy watersports. I don't think everyone does.

Obviously the coast offers watersports. But of that's all you can think of, I suspect (in fact I know, with both my sister and parents living in different seaside areas) I'm right.

Is it an option for your DH to work remotely? Then it doesn't matter where you live? My brother is a freelancer and lives in Devon but often works in London and stays up there for a few nights if necessary.