So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

@purplefig sounds lovely. Do you mean you live in Devon and Cornwall or Margate/Ramsgate area?

Lots of excellent advice here that I second, Cornwall is not some sort of heavenly place, it has all the same problems as anywhere else and a few of its own.

Lol at “it’s full” though.

You’d be better thinking about specific things you want from your lifestyle (good secondaries, cheaper mortgage) and then combining that with your work needs, then looking for an area based on that rather than aiming blindly for a place that probably doesn't meet any of them.

Hastings is lovely but expensive. I will look at Eastbourne, thank you. We love Lewes and Brighton (latter in particular due to coastal location) but both are so so expensive.

Cornwall is not some sort of heavenly place, it has all the same problems as anywhere else and a few of its own.

I do know this, but trust me, neither is London!

I'm a Londoner who never thought I would move out but I got to my late 40s and felt that London wasn't the same London I grew up in. Most friends and family had moved out and it felt overcrowded, noisy and dirty. I had really bad neighbours too. I moved to South Essex 4 years ago and love it. I'm a few minutes walk from the estuary, live in a bigger detached house and don't even mind the hour commute. It's so much quieter here but I can still go into the local town if I want shops and restaurants etc. Schools are good too apparently.

@onandon8 Cornwall/Devon. It really is lovely and I don't regret leaving London for one minute. Happy to chat further in PM if you like.

I think a lot of people in this thread are being unnecessarily negative about it - ultimately it is doable, lots of people do it and are very happy with their decision. And what's the worst that could happen? You don't like it, so you move back. Life is all about experiences!

I would recommend you watch this week’s BBC programme, Cornwall, with Simon Reeves, OP

I second this. Devon also has its problems as well.

I live in Cornwall now after moving down from London a couple of years ago but the difference is that I grew up here. If you've spent your life with the convenience of London on your doorstep you are going to have a massive shock to the system because-

There are a lot of locals who don't want you here and whilst some of that is because there are arses, there's also genuine reasons for their anger like having to compete for jobs with incomers, driving up house prices so young Cornish people have to move away, changing the character of old communities

There is no diversity and a lot of racism

There is one motorway and it ends at Exeter, so the vast majority of Devon and Cornwall has no decent transport. In fact in the summer the M5 is a nightmare constantly and certainly don't even think of driving on it on a Friday

The roads are awful and you are totally dependent on driving on them because public transport is expensive and virtually non existent.

Getting to London by train is difficult and expensive. If you live past Dawlish then quite often the line is closed due to damage from storms (going to get better but will take time). Oh and the Somerset levels flood frequently which disrupts the train line there.

There's nothing to do in the winter and in the summer you can't get near anywhere because of tourists - our population in Cornwall trebles in the summer

There's nothing to do to entertain teenagers and you'll end up as their personal chauffeurs. It also means that as soon as they hit the right age you'll have to pay out for driving lessons!

Some areas are massively cut off in the winter

There's little choice in healthcare - think of all the hospitals you have in London? In Cornwall we have one and it's generally in a bad state in winter (and summer)

Job opportunities are sparse and generally low paid. Even if you are a professional, there are fewer opportunities and they are not as well paid as london and SE. If you're intent on moving down here I'd suggest you look for jobs in the NHS, teaching or local govt.

It is lovely here and we definitely need people with higher incomes moving down. We need people to open businesses here like in your husbands profession to bring money into our economy, but the risk to your family and your security is high.

I live in Devon, it’s a beautiful place to live! I tried London and it just wasn’t for me. I don’t know anyone who regrets living here. It depends what you want out of life, I found London to be very much a ‘bubble’ - the people in it seem to love it, but the people out of it wouldn’t be paid to live there. It depends what jobs you’re after, although I think opportunities are increasing thanks to wfh. Speak to a good recruiter down here maybe?

Cornwall is not some sort of heavenly place, it has all the same problems as anywhere else and a few of its own

Agree it has it's own problems (poverty being a big one), but it 100% does not have all the same problems as else where.

@onandon8 Plymouth is known as Jeremy Kyles waiting room down here. You couldn't pay me enough to move there. I would rather move back to London!
It does have a very nice aquarium though.

@onandon8

What are people’s thoughts on Kent? I know there are some nice bits but it’s still the overcrowded, stressful SE!

We moved from zone 3 SE London to a village near Folkestone 3 years ago and love it. We are a 10 minute drive rather than a 10 minute walk from the beach but good enough for me!

Folkestone itself is very mixed. Some amazing scenery and a big arts scene, some lovely shops and galleries down one end but a scrubby high street with little in it. But there's still more investment happening and a big new development of.homes right on the beachfront.

@onandon8

Plymouth could be an option but it doesn’t seem to have a very good reputation!

Every city has it's good and bad parts - I used to live in Orpington in Kent, we had parts in and near the town that were seriously expensive and very much "elite", and areas near town that were literally no go areas where you couldn't get the local free paper delivered because the person delivering would get mugged - so they could use the paper to stuff alight through someone's letter box!

Rural crime is through the roof, and even "nice" towns like Cheltenham have gangs, as does Cornwall where drugs seems to be a real issue.

I never understand why people say Devon is a deprived area with low wages

I know Cornwall better than Devon, but here goes....The pattern of deprivation in the SW (Devon and Cornwall) consists of areas of high affluence or even average affluence, combined with pockets of high deprivation. So, in Devon you have St Leonard's in Exeter next to Sidwell Street. Plymouth - lots of deprivation around Devonport. Torquay - Babbacombe next to Watcombe. Paignton - mostly areas of deprivation.

Just because you've been lucky enough not to see it, it doesn't mean it's not there.

But it does not have to be such a binary choice...

There are plenty of quieter locations close to London or in its suburbs that would fit your requirements of a quieter life and still be in commuting distance. You would look at places like Hitchin, Leigh on sea (if you want to live by the sea). A place like Beckenham is also lovely and very green and it is still London.

Seaside towns are very quiet in the winter and they have few work opportunities. Devon and Cornwall will be quite isolate and if you have kids you also need to think about what opportunities they will have there.

Being freelance is a precarious occupation, especially now so be sensible and try to find a compromise somewhere.

@onadon8 I live in Plymouth, having circumnavigated from Somerset, via the East Midlands, France, Canada, London, Surrey, Plymouth, Africa and back to Plymouth. It's fine. There are rough areas as there are everywhere, but there are some lovely areas. Schools are hit and miss as everywhere. Drop me a PM if you want further info.

Consider Hastings, Lewes, Eastbourne, Lydd, Rye - all commutable for occasional client meetings. Each just a little far out for a sustainable daily commute into London.

Ashford, unlovely as it is, has good schools & superfast commute to St Pancras & London Underground. Any small town or village a short hop from Ashford International is worth considering. Rye has charm but rather chi-chi & touristy etc.

It may help your OH to be shown that many freelancers are based in these towns as it is a reasonable balance of facilitating freelance employment opportunities & quality of life for the whole family.

For you, get busy & consider preparing for your launch back in to the workplace. You will need more bows to your strings than being a SAHM &/or relying on OH’s freelance income.

I no longer enjoy London life & would love to live Cornwall BUT know that relocating is not that simple.

Not all of C&D has lovely landscape, employment is variable & behind the picture postcard facade there is a significant amount of poverty & deprivation. Unless you have a financial cushion & skills to pad your family against the realities faced by locals on low income, you will be disappointed again. Drugs & gangs are not confined to inner cities, these problems thrive across the UK, boosted by boredom, lack of prospects & poverty. You will not protect your children just by leaving London.

SecretSpAD absolutely my experiences. Could have written your post in fact!!!

@Requinblanc Being freelance is a precarious occupation, especially now so be sensible and try to find a compromise somewhere.

As a freelancer of five years, I would seriously disagree. Sure you can lose a client, but as a freelancer you should have multiple clients. I would argue much riskier to have all your eggs in one basket (i.e. an employer). I've watched friends careers get decimated with Covid19 lockdowns, which is nothing something I've experienced. (I'm not saying that to be smug by the way, just highlight how the employed = safe, freelance = precarious narrative is not always true or helpful).

If you want a train line that is mostly ok and 2-3 hours from London, stop at Exeter.

Parts of Cornwall are another 2 plus hours away, lovely when you get there though.

Schools- there isn't one school in Devon and Cornwall so it's quite hard to say whether they are good or not, they are not as good as well funded London comps, but there are some excellent ones, there is also the grammar schools of Torquay/Colyton in Devon. Exeter's state schools are patchy but private is cheaper here than in London as well.

You do get more for your money, I live in a much better house in Devon than I would if I had stayed in London, but there are penalties to pay for that in terms of being more stuck out on a limb in the country as a whole.

On commuting if WFH stops being the norm again my office is central, near Tottenham Court Road. My commute, door-to-door from my village near Folkestone is only 20 minutes longer than it used to be from Zone 3. HS1 is expensive but it's a brilliant service.

We live in a village outside Newark and there is a direct train to London
My dp works in the city but has been home based most of this year and his colleague lives in Brighton and it takes her longer to get to work than him

W shave a great quality of life and schooling is loads cheaper privately and better state schools and a much nicer quality of life

Have a look x

I don’t blame you OP, I wouldn’t want to live in London, if you paid me. Did so for 3 years and never again.

Haven’t read all of the replies and I know you have your heart set on Devon or Cornwall, but there are other places you cold move to (Suffolk or Northumberland for instance) that have beautiful little seaside villages and towns, surrounded by countryside that might be a shorter commute by train into London for your DH? Not sure how long a commute from Dorset would be on a train for example. But if it was a 1hr 30 min commute each way from say Suffolk, and he could negotiate maybe WFH 1-2 days a week then that would be doable?

I guess what I’m saying is, if he really thinks Dorset’s too far than there must be a compromise somewhere in the U.K.? Somewhere cheaper/ quieter/ safer/ cleaner than London with nice beaches and countryside?

It does sound like a lovely idea, and just more pleasant and fulfilling in the long term. But personally, I would wait until you yourself are able to get employment, even part-time (I don't know how old your children are). That will greatly strengthen your hand and take some of the financial pressure off your partner.

@DimidDavilby

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown.

are you joking?

I’m fed up with my life. The cost of housing is depressing and the low salaries.

I am in Cornwall.

The grass isn’t always greener. Especially when it’s full of arsenic and tin x