So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

I’d love the coast, too. But realistically, OP, your DH is right, isn’t he? His income would be precarious anywhere on the coast, and you don’t work.

Probably. I’m just so miserable..

Go to the Stroud valleys

Again I’m sure it’s lovely but not my cup of tea. I want to be a 10 minute walk from the beach.

Can you get back to work? If I wanted to move now and couldn’t, I’d consider retraining in a more portable profession: teaching, nursing, accountancy? If you don’t mind, how old are you?

How do I try to be positive and happy about my life? I try to think of things I’m grateful for but I just don’t want to be here.

Go. You only live once. You are living on one income now. If you are prepared to work then you can cover the mortgage if there are periods when your dh is struggling to find contracts. You won't regret. Your lifestyle will be completely different.

Well we left London, went to Cornwall, lived there nearly 15 yrs and have just come back. 😂 Huge relief!
We left London feeling v much like you but never found work that could sustain us both adequately and tbh, having the family home in London is much more use for not just us, but also the kids now they're young adults thinking about careers.
If I had known then what I know now, personally, would never have left... Or DEFINITELY stayed within easy daily commutable distance. As it was, I ended up looking after the kids while DH continued working away (back in London) for most of that time.
But you may have more luck. 🤞

Accounting could be an option. I’m 40.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E1290&maxPrice=550000&minPrice=400000&propertyTypes=&mustHave=&dontShow=&furnishTypes=&keywords=

Have a look. I’m half an hour north of this area in Cheltenham but this is the area I aspire to live in

Your husband is being sensible with regards to income. Do you have a job you could pick up anywhere like teaching or nursing if he struggled? I think the job opportunities for creatives can be much tougher outside London and now is not a good time to be taking big risks. I think you might need to start thinking of places that are commutable but more spacious and pretty even if they are not quite ‘the dream’

If you’re serious, I think you need to go back to work to mitigate your DHs less secure income stream. Does your coastal idyl still seem as attractive when you have to work full time to enable it? And do you consider having a SAHP the best thing for your children?

You are living on one income now. If you are prepared to work

I’m very much prepared to work - but I don’t have many useful skills really.

@Wilkolampshade whereabouts were you in Cornwall if you don’t mind me asking? And what sort of work do you do? Were there any bits you enjoyed about your life there?

I’ve got a real downer on the south east!

I think the job opportunities for creatives can be much tougher outside London and now is not a good time to be taking big risks.

Will this still be the case post Covid though? I thought everyone was going to be working over Zoom with no need to commute. DH is not so sure.

What is your career op? I think that is key here.

I don’t know anyone who left London and wished they hadn’t

That's interesting to hear @Sohardtochooseausername Sounds like you've done great. I have lived in London 20 years, nearly 15 as a parent and know many that have left London and wish they hadn't. Those that have moved to commuter belts have struggled with the commuting although wfh has been great for them.

OP, Sometimes moving is just geography it doesn't always fix things, you can still be miserable. I'm wondering if moving to another part of London would help, not all areas are like what you describe, I am guessing your dc are still young, my dc are 14 and 12 and I couldn't imagine bringing them up anywhere else.

What are people’s thoughts on Kent? I know there are some nice bits but it’s still the overcrowded, stressful SE!

I’d suggest the following: stop scanning Rightmove for dream properties and start looking at training opportunities. Your DH is rightly going to question moving (and will probably flatly refuse) unless you can bring in a significant income. Make a list of professions where there are jobs advertised in Devon and Cornwall. See which one is doable within about 3-4 years of training, ideally with on the job qualification (these will
be highly sought after and you may have to be very flexible and committed). Then talk to your DH.

Still London, but I live in Sutton, the schools are good here, including Secondary. Its also near to other places that are greener, might be a bit of a compromise.

@Woolysock we live in a cheap (relatively!) area of London and can’t afford to move sadly. Everywhere is so expensive. I just hate how my kids are so hemmed in here and the pollution. Not to mention the schools. There’s crowds everywhere, you can’t get away.

What about moving to Hove? It is by the sea and near-ish to London?

How about somewhere on the coast where London is reachable? Margate and Folkestone are one thing but Whitstable, say, is quite different. Not cheap probably but a good deal more value for money than in London. There are a few nice places like that on the Kent and Sussex coast.

Thanks @flaviaritt that sounds like a good plan. Although it does mean another 3/4 years of this!

Whitstable, Hove and Brighton all lovely but way beyond our budget. Margate is affordable but I didn’t feel at home there.

Still London, but I live in Sutton

Glad you’re happy there - it sounds nice but it’s really not for me.

Although it does mean another 3/4 years of this!

Yes, but at least it offers you some chance of getting what you want.

@Woolysock I guess it really depends where you move to and what your job is.

I work in creative/design and there’s good opportunities outside London. Especially now we are all working from home. A number of people in my team are moving out of the cities to be more rural because we are going to continue remote working post-covid. I am hearing this happening right across the industry.

Living out of London throughout 2020 has been good for my friends who left London. I’m sure there is a way for OP to live more happily.