So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

@cjpark Polperro has a huge sense of (small) community, as does Looe.

Unless you live in Polperro ( if you do I apologise) you won't know that there is a community gym, a book group, a committee of people who organise community events like Christmas lights and fireworks, local grocery shops that open all year round, an off license, the post office and of course the pubs which are open 52 weeks a year.

Even now, during lockdown, you can get fabulous takeaway food every night of the week. I'm having lobster on Friday!

There are lots of holiday cottages and second homes but a lot people do actually live in the village.

As a general point, any pretty village anywhere, by its very nature, will not have much to attract kids and yes you will have to take them to bigger places. I grew up in a village in the North and it was the same there.

Cornwall, like most of the UK doesn't have great weather in the winter. But not everyone finds the winters awful! I love winter here- mainly because where I live is so beautiful. If I lived on a council estate in Redruth I might see it differently.

That’s v helpful, thanks @Movinghouseatlast. I’ve just had a look and it looks like there are some properties there within our budget!

I think if you have a budget of £300,000 you can get a house that is still commutable to London and in a much quieter area than where you are living atm.

It might not be your bucolic dream of a cottage by the sea but in terms of practicality and satisfying your dh’s request to be close/commutable to London and for you less crime, traffic and noise it would be a more sensible option than at the moment what looks like you saying you won’t move at all unless it is to Cornwall which isn’t making anyone happy.

If you put the filters onto Rightmove and put in London and 30 mile Radius with a garden and parking there might not be hundreds to choose from but there is a choice.
Even if it is a town house in Leighton Buzzard or a semi in Sittingbourne I think it could make you at least a little happier.

It isn’t like this is your only move you are ever going to make.
If you decide in a few years time you want to move again then there isn’t anything stopping you and save for your retirement to Cornwall. Although friends parents did this and found it too quiet in the winter and have now gone from one extreme to another and have since moved to a 1 bedder in Central London

@onandon8 I posted a few days ago about the sleeper to London being packed! Lots of people go to London one day a week and work from home the rest if the time.

If you are someone who enjoys a quieter pace of life, the sea, beaches etc then Cornwall is great summer and winter. Townies would hate it!

The only things I miss are Marks and Spencer and my friends. But my friends visit, and we have amazing farm shops and fishmongers which in theory are better from Marks and Spencer!!!

@onandon8 my local comp is rating outstanding. Archer academy. I live in East Finchley, which is in north london. Nearby Muswell Hill has Fortismere

Also London has quite a lot of minorities and they would go to faith schools. DH grew up in London and went to JFS (top jewish school). my DC would be eligible for JFS and Jcoss, which are both outstanding. www.thejc.com/community/community-news/jcoss-is-top-london-state-secondary-school-1.493488

@onandon8 also OP, if your aim is a lower mortgage, you should factor in commute costs for your DH. Rail fares increase well above inflation, and a season ticket of over £400 a month is not an expense to be sniffed at. The treasury wants an indefinite delay to the introduction of part time season tickets so I don't think we should rely on that and count on paying a full time season ticket. I am not as worried about tfl increases in fares as the amount for a season ticket is much lower in the first place.

Top Reason why I stayed in London- we both work in London. Mortgage is £1k, Season ticket is £400 (from any home counties location). Even if I became SAHM , it still makes financial sense to stay in London as its not like Home Counties is that cheap either.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/99808649#/

Someone further down mentioned the South Hams in Devon, this is worth considering maybe? There are some lovely tiny villages along that coast and the beaches are fantastic. You are also a short drive from Plymouth for when you have teenagers that can get bored of country life. Plymouth has everything you need, shops, cinemas, loads of pubs and clubs. It also has good schools all around the area and a really good college and art school and uni. It has has a lot of regeneration in the last 20 years and there are some real foodie areas too. I think you should just bear in mind that young children become teenagers that often want more than rural life.

Completely off topic but I was talking to friends about the WFH revolution and I wondered whether we all need to be a bit more careful about making life-changing decisions based on this pandemic. It occurs to me that if this nationwide remote working experiment proves to be a huge success then why would companies employ an expensive UK worker when they can get someone cheaper abroad. Just a thought but it does worry me.

my local comp is rating outstanding. Archer academy. I live in East Finchley, which is in north london. Nearby Muswell Hill has Fortismere

No way could we afford anything decent in either of those areas

@onandon8 True, it is very expensive! But it is cheaper to live here than in all the nice desirable commuter towns with good schools like Hitchin, St Albans, Beaconsfield due to season ticket costs.I am comparing costs for a 2 bed flat vs a 2 bed terrace house in those towns plus travel costs.

If there is a Ofsted Outstanding school within 0.5 miles and a middle class demographic in the SE, it would be dear. People always say move out of London for cheap housing, but i haven't really found any 'cheap' 2 bed houses within 0.5 miles of an Outstanding primary and secondary school in a good leafy area in the SE commuter belt. Yes I might find a 300k terrace house in the commuter belt but any money you save usually goes on the season ticket anyway, assuming wfh isn't permanent.

There is a housing shortage due to various factors and as long as you are in the south, housing is expensive, whether it is in London or not. I would rather buy an expensive and smaller home and save on the transport costs personally even as buying a house is for the long term and even if we don't return to the office in the next 5 years, I would be worried about the next 25.
The areas with cheap housing usually have fewer employment opportunities. Manchester is probably the best in terms of the tradeoff between housing price vs employment opportunities. If i wanted to leave the rat race, I would move there.

Thanks @Janus, yes am definitely considering South Hams as much as Cornwall. A previous poster mentioned Totnes, which looks nice?

Thanks @hopingforonlychild. I’m not a fan of Hertfordshire and the Home Counties personally anyway. I know some are and each to their own, but it’s just not for me. What do you count as commuter belt - within an hour’s train journey from central London?

But isn’t South Hams is miles from where your dh needs to be.

You might not be a fan of the Home Counties but aren’t they the practical option.

How will your dh actually pay for it if he is so far from his work

You might not be a fan of the Home Counties but aren’t they the practical option.

How will your dh actually pay for it if he is so far from his work

There’s a good chance he might keep his freelance contracts and get new ones, and never have to set foot in London again. But if that doesn’t happen then it would make things difficult yes.

I suppose in the Home Counties my children will at least have a better quality of life. Today I got hassled by someone clearly on a drugs comedown for money as I walked my buggy down the street. I’ve had enough.

@onandon8 that depends on where in the home counties?

The thing is if you have a tiny budget for london, you have tiny budget for home counties too. 300k would not buy you much in the nice safe towns like St Albans and Hitchin. I was looking in High Wycombe (which has a high crime rate btw) , and my budget was 400k and it did not buy me a big house at all! Which was why i decided to stay in London.

Just thinking a bit more about Cornwall, OP.

As mentioned, I left when I had children. However, if I had to go back, I'd live in Truro. Truro is a great city, and you can also get to London relatively easily (assuming the SW railway isn't flooded or otherwise storm-battered). I've just had a quick look at Rightmove, and you could get a decent house in a pleasant part of Truro (walking distance from town, schools and the station) for your budget. It's not next to the beach, but it's on the river - and you don't have to go too far to get to beaches. You're also in the 'nicer' bit of Cornwall (i.e. within striking distance of the Roseland Peninsula).

I don't know about the state schools, but the independent schools are decent (the prep school is absolutely fantastic).

It's a bloody long way away, though, and I still think your DH's work opportunities might be limited.

I lived in London as a child .It was great then ,and my DGP had a huge garden .Lots of Museums ,places to go and friends to play out with .We live in Dorset now ,and I wouldnt want to return TBH. Although I enjoy days out there, and visiting my Cousin who lives in Hertfordshire .Living on SC for us is great ,near to the Sea and New forest .Its about 2 hours to London by train from Bournemouth .I think Devon and Cornwall are pretty but just too far IMO.

There are plenty of towns that look on paper as having a highish crime rate but living there you don’t notice it the same.

Sometimes it can come down to a particular street not being good but round the corner it could be fine so don’t write off the whole town for a small street

Totnes is a nice town, really once has one high street but it’s quite long and has lovely quirky shops. It also has a train line direct into London in less than 3 hours. You are about half hour drive from a beach there though.
The smaller towns of moss Mayo, Newton ferrers, modbury are close to lovely beaches, more like 10 minute drive. You are close to Plymouth too for when you do want to see some life!

@onandon8

Thanks *@hopingforonlychild*. I’m not a fan of Hertfordshire and the Home Counties personally anyway. I know some are and each to their own, but it’s just not for me. What do you count as commuter belt - within an hour’s train journey from central London?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_metropolitan_area

There is an official definition, but it has somewhat expanded. I would say 1.5 hour door to door would be doable for most people.

When you say you aren't a fan, what do you mean? As in you dislike Herts, Surrey, Bucks, Hampshire, Berkshire? In a sense, I know what you mean as the nice ones with a short commute are more expensive than London (which negates the point of moving outside london) when you add up the commuting costs. But I think there are some lovely towns out there. If i wanted to move to a seaside town, Brighton would be the top of my list. but i understand state schools there are a hit and a miss. Also of course I am a city girl and I miss the buzz but I wouldn't mind living outside london if i can go into london cheaply to get my city fix...but the trouble is that if you are from outside london, its not cheap to go into central london at all. I suspect your children would feel the same when they are teenagers. I wouldn't like to be a teenager having to pay £10-20 just to go to oxford street or the tate. When my DH was a teen in north london, he used to have a membership with the royal academy of arts and he used to bring girls there on a cheap date. Thats one advantage of being a london teen.

onandon8

Having lived in the backend of beyond when Dp lost his job he found it really hard to get another job
It took him 2 years and having to ask a London friend to use his address to get another job. 6 weeks after using friends address he was back in work and doing a crazy commute till we moved.

I wouldn’t wish what we went through on anyone else and even if there is the slightest chance that your dh loses his job.

I know for me who hasn’t got a qualification to my name that I couldn’t keep the family going if I lived anywhere other than London.

I understand OP - we live in Upminster now, which is on the outskirts of London (still a London borough) but great schools and parks etc. I would have liked to move further out, but my husband works in London. Also, i love all the opportunities being in a London Borough affords me. We go up the west end quite alot - science museum, tower of london, all the shows, and I love that we can be there within an easy hour, really straightforward journey too. My eldest is applying for one of the London stage schools for 6th form, and he can go to any one, and travel there so easily. I feel like although the urge to move somewhere beautiful pulls me, I do love being just on the outskirts. I feel like i get away from the trouble and filth of east london (lived there all my life, i think choosing to bring kids up there now is tantamount to abuse - sorry) yet I still get to enjoy the good bits of London.

If it was just me, I'd be by the gorgeous Devon sea with 2 dogs.....

@KnightError

Just thinking a bit more about Cornwall, OP.

As mentioned, I left when I had children. However, if I had to go back, I'd live in Truro. Truro is a great city, and you can also get to London relatively easily (assuming the SW railway isn't flooded or otherwise storm-battered). I've just had a quick look at Rightmove, and you could get a decent house in a pleasant part of Truro (walking distance from town, schools and the station) for your budget. It's not next to the beach, but it's on the river - and you don't have to go too far to get to beaches. You're also in the 'nicer' bit of Cornwall (i.e. within striking distance of the Roseland Peninsula).

I don't know about the state schools, but the independent schools are decent (the prep school is absolutely fantastic).

It's a bloody long way away, though, and I still think your DH's work opportunities might be limited.

Agree, Truro is fab and has everything in easy reach x