So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

I think it’s a big ask to put on your husband. He’s the main earner and the financial burden sits on his shoulders, so to ask him to move totally out of the commuter belt is I feel asking too much.
I am the main earner in my relationship (DP does work though and has transferable skills, just a rubbish paying industry!) and I do feel the financial pressure of maintaining our mortgage and bills etc. I pick up all the slack, it’s fine but it IS pressure.
If my DP then decided he wanted us to move and it was going to put more pressure on me - to ensure I stayed employed - I would really struggle not to be pissed off with him.

Your DP may also crave a greener, less stressful environment but he is being pragmatic here.

If you want to make a lifestyle change then you need to invest in yourself to be able to contribute financially so that your DP will not have to carry the risk on his shoulders alone. Whether that is a course, retraining, own business etc...

I moved from a coastal small town which was lovely when children younger to Herts and Yes was a shock but so much more for my teens to do . Just over mile to town but same other way to 1000 acres of national.trust land and can be in fields in 10 mins walk .
London used be 90 mins plus by train and had to drive to station now 30 mins and can walk to the station

But understand a dream ,I love the New forest and would like to live there when children left home as lot of happy memories there (My nan was from there and still have family there )

Me and DH regret moving out of London. It was years ago but we still regret it.

We can't afford to move back but if we win the lottery we will

Have you considered Essex, I know it’s no where near as rural but I live on the sea beautiful views etc and can get to London in under an hour might be a compromise until your in a position where your dream is more realistic financially x

I would recommend you watch this week’s BBC programme, Cornwall, with Simon Reeves, OP.
Whilst it may be a lovely place to visit/holiday, the options for DC’s are very limited and it is actually a very deprived area, so not only might your partner struggle to find work, but also your DC’s may find it very limiting, and may very well have to move away from the area, leaving you alone in your twilight years...
Kent at least gives you the option and ability to work in London...

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown

Hilarious if only because Cornwall need people with money! They are a poor area (most of it) which have benefitted hugely but ungratefully from EU money for the past twenty years which has tangibly improved many very run down areas, but that money is stopping. It's going to go backwards IMO in terms of living standards/jobs.

OP- I agree with everyone who has said why not look a bit more creatively around 2 hours commute to London? People say 'Devon and Cornwall' as if it is one place, but the top of Devon is two to three hours from the tip of Cornwall! Dorset is closer and all those saying around Bristol/Bath countryside are spot on as well. Dorset has beaches.

I think whether you are going to be spending £400 a month on your mortgage depends on whether you really do downsize when you shift, or just get more for your money.

Also- have a think if you really want a country life or whether a city near to countryside is what you need, or a small town- Devon and Cornwall have all of these and it's really not the same living in a small city as living down a winding country lane. You have lumped 'Devon and Cornwall' into a fantasy about the beach and it doesn't sound terribly grounded in the everyday life of ordinary people living in those places, taking their kids to school.

I would consider looking at the n Somerset coast or just inland - Bristol has a lot of opportunities itself and getting into London for meetings is easy by train. Crucially the 4 bed house I just bought was under £400k and can see the sea (well channel but it's salty so it counts right???). No idea on schools as mine are adults but kids are well behaved enough in town

If your children are younger rural and by coast sounds great bl.But when become teens lot harder for things to do and you can end up being a taxi service .Also consider job optunities for them etc

If you live by the sea in a large town, which most seaside places are, then you won't be a taxi service any more than anyone in a town is, in fact, I was completely independent at that age as you can walk most places.

This is why you need to be more specific- what do you want in Devon and Cornwall, do you want a village, a winding lane with no-one else there, a town with a station, even one of the small cities. They aren't all offering the same lifestyle.

OP why not focus on what job you are going to be able to do 10 mins from a beach and put all your effort into getting the skills for this? Then your DHs job isn't the point.

I've love to live 10 mins from a beach, send my kids to a private school and have a mortgage of £400 a month.. But my career doesn't have that kind of possibility and I love my job. So I've compromised. Make it about your job as well as your DHs and you'll feel back in control.

Hey! I live in Cornwall - I was born in Lancashire, my DH was born in Essex, I've lived here almost 20 years, I work here, and I'm not precious about the place at all!
I love it here, and nobody outside the internet has ever been funny with me about having moved here.
Rather have people living here, working and paying council tax and active in the local community, keeping our village alive and thriving, no matter where they've come from.
I know altogether too many people IRL who complain about "incomers" ruining Cornwall and how community spirit is dying, but they never go in the local shops or take part in any of the village activities.
And yes OP if you DM me I will tell you what village it is!

If your dream is Devon or Cornwall plan it well and just do it OP.

Both counties offer job opportunities or self employment opportunities in your husband’s field, particularly if you are within reach of Falmouth, Truro, or Exeter.

It is a very different life. And not at all like the experiences you make have had down here on holiday. But I understand your yearning. And you only live once.

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown

Cornwall is full... of empty properties owned by second home owners.

Perhaps you’d have to consider going back to work and not being aSAHM if you were yo move and DH work was limited. How would you feel about that? Could you discuss it as an option?
Perhaps you should look at countryside not costal and it would give you more options. What about new Forrest / Southampton? It’s still commutable to London and there is coast / countryside

Thanks everyone. Got to go out now but I will be back later to read all the replies.

Would he consider another city such as Manchester? You can live quite rurally (not coast though) and commute there? The design scene is pretty vibrant there

@onandon8

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

Can you give us an idea of what equity you have currently OP? The idea that properties in the SW are super cheap is a bit of a myth. Example a property 3 bed tiny semi £220K Would still be £895 over 25 years. I think it depends on where you are now financially

I live in Devon. I’m thinking of moving from my home town to somewhere smaller because m rent is too high for most jobs. I love the beach, countryside and laid back way of life but there are few interesting, well paid jobs.

I would have thought a freelance designer worked at home with visits to the client but seems I'm wrong.
You need to look for good schools first. Then try to find a house in the catchment area, which are often more expensive. Then find a nicer house with a decent garden which you can make your hideaway.
Houses near commuter railway stations are also more expensive.
You need to be realistic but imv good secondary school is first. - it costs too much to move twice for countryside then school.

OP, if I was you, I'd move to Kent. Tonbridge or Sevenoaks or Tunbridge Wells. Great schools, quiet market towns, gorgeous countryside, gentler more rural pace of life but super quick commutes into London. Same is true of some parts of Surrey.

@Porridgeoat

Go to the Stroud valleys. Totally stunning. Train to London. Community and hippy. Affordable. You can be by the sea in an hour and 20 minutes

Never get tired of the sun on the hills.

I get it, if you’re in a really shit bit of London, but OP have you ever lived outside of London? Do you drive? Do you own a car or maybe 2 cars? I found it incredibly limiting moving even to a big town outside of London with no car (as buses were so infrequent and stopped early in the evening) and taxis were expensive. Seaside towns are all very well but the ‘nice’ ones aren’t achievable on a single middle range income and the not nice ones are run down or dead in the off season (travel to Great Yarmouth in November as I once did and you will see what I mean).

Contracting is a bit precarious but it’s a hell of a lot worse when you are moving away from the work. Saying ‘well I’d love to work but I’m no good at anything’ is not very proactive.

Unless you just want your husband to have a massive commute and to keep you in your seaside idyll and you don’t mind not seeing him very much.

I never understand why people say Devon is a deprived area with low wages. My parents moved us out of London nearly 20 years ago and have never regretted it and neither have I. I had a fantastic childhood down here and look forward to my baby having the same wonderful upbringing that I did. We are about a 15 minute drive from the sea which is just right for me. Means we can avoid most of the tourists in the summer but can still easily get to many beaches.
From Exeter you have two train lines to get you to London, one fast and one slow. The faster one only takes about 2 hours and the slower one is 3 hours but still quicker than a car in most instances.
Jobs are fine down here with fairly decent wages (in my opinion). In the company I work for in Exeter, standard admin roles pay up to about £26k, business analyst roles are around £30k.
OP, I would say that if you want to do it, then do! It really is a lovely place to live. Don't let people scaremonger you into not leave the London bubble!

I would consider Essex or Norfolk. Still beautiful coast but much cheaper than e.g. Sussex and doesn't have the crowded built-up feel of the Sussex beaches. I come from a very beautiful coastal environment in another country, am very happy living in a city here, but just could not cope with the endless houses and concrete along much of the SE coast (gets better once you get past Southampton, Dorset is lovely but could mean an exhausting commute).

You need to think not only in terms of employment and housing cost, but also about lifestyle as your children grow older: how will they get round to activities and socialising, who is going to be responsible for that, what does that add to your overall costs?

In Devon and Cornwall properties within 10 minutes of the beach are way more expensive. If your husband's income is variable, liable to be adversely affected by the move, and you're not working, I just don't see how it's doable.

With respect OP, if you've lived in London all your life, you're going to be aware of the good sides of country/coastal living, and you're going to have no experience of the downsides.

I live somewhere which is a popular "my fantasy coastal life" for city escapees, and I'd say it's 50/50 in terms of who stays long term.

In summer you often have to sharp-elbow day trippers out of the way who are having a lovely day out while you're just trying to get to work or get some milk from the shop. In winter it is really bleak.

I absolutely love the bleakness - I find it really beautiful and peaceful, and as a family we go out in all weather, but I know people who absolutely cannot handle it, and that's fair enough.

Don't underestimate how much you've relied on socialising in warm, brightly lit cafes, shops, leisure centres and shopping centres during winter, and the convenience of a good public transport service.

If you spend most of your winter driving to windswept beaches in order to tramp over them with a force 9 ramming you in the face, then buy a Helly Hanson jacket and move to Cornwall, but if not then I'd really strongly suggest actually staying there for about 4 days in January, just to get an idea