So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

I think you may need to be more open to counties closer to London. Devon and Cornwall we lovely, but they're not packed with job opportunities, there are plenty of other lovely costal places within easier reach of London.

There are a lot of places in between, it doesn’t have to be either London or Devon/ Cornwall. Plenty of places will give you the lifestyle you want, but would be a more manageable commute for your husband if he does have to go to London for work.

@DimidDavilby

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown.

Hilarious! Have you been anywhere else in the UK? Have you noticed how much green space is having houses built on it? If people want to move to Cornwall, houses will be built for them - it’s tough luck, deal with it. You’re not so special that you can stay in your little bubble!

And I wouldn’t rely on “post-covid” WFH. London has been the economic hub of life in this country for hundreds of years (bar maybe some of the Northern cities during the Industrial Revolution). The cultural change required for employers to honestly see employing people who live hundreds of miles away in permanent roles hasn’t happened yet.

*as viable

I thought everyone was going to be working over Zoom with no need to commute

That's a big risk to take OP. It may be true or we may revert to the status quo. Probably something in between.

Have you considered West Sussex, if you are out of Brighton and Hove it becomes much more affordable. And the coastal areas are cheaper generally than inland in West Sussex.
Hastings in East Sussex is lovely, one of my favourite places.

@onandon8

I think the job opportunities for creatives can be much tougher outside London and now is not a good time to be taking big risks.

Will this still be the case post Covid though? I thought everyone was going to be working over Zoom with no need to commute. DH is not so sure.

No I don’t think you can rely on this. Generally for freelance people hire someone to come in and this will return probably next Spring / summer.

Do you work?

Whereabouts are you in London? (For schools)

I know you said Brighton was too expensive but how about somewhere along the coast from there (Eastbourne, Worthing, Seaford?) then your DH could commute to Brighton - there are loads of creative companies. Plus commutable to London in worst case scenario/ in future.

Birchington. Two miles along the coast from Margate and much nicer. About 1hr 40 mins from London. Has grammar schools but also some good secondaries.

I don't know why you're so down on folkestone you can both get what you want and then you can make a plan for the future - moving to devon/Cornwall but in the meantime you will be out of the rat race but close enough to feel secure for work and have the sea. It's a great place to invest as well and many creative types and opportunities, you may find something too. Deal would be just a short train ride or car journey. The schools are good in folkestone and community feeling is very inclusive.

If you train for a job which is in demand in Somerset/Cornwall, or which is reliable income and be WFH, then you'll be able to afford it. It will remove the risk and financial pressure from your partner.
What sectors are you interested in?

Blimey OP I could almost have written that post

We are in a slightly different situation in that DH has identified somewhere to live which does make perfect sense in terms of jobs/networks/schools etc but I'm dragging my feet. I always imagined living in London when I was growing up and I have enjoyed it until recently so it does feel like a big deal to leave.

I feel the same about state secondary schools too, they're rubbish where I live and in most of the surrounding areas really.

I found this feeling first appeared during the initial lockdown, went away over the summer and then reappeared over the last week or so. When there is nothing to do and nowhere to go then the benefits of living in London are hard to appreciate. I'm waiting until this current lockdown is over to re-evaluate and see if it was just a temporary feeling.

That's what I did last year, I moved to Somerset from the hectic southeast to Dunster near Minehead and Porlock. My mortgage has gone from 1k a month to £300 a month for a bigger house and expenses right down.
I work in the NHS so I can go where I want for the same salary.
Satah Beeny and her husband and 4 sons have moved to Bruton near Bath in Somerset, there is a programme on channel 4 about their house build.
Bruton isn't by the sea but it's lovely countryside, on a train line directly to London with great schools and very trendy and popular with London people now.
Somerset has got great beaches both the Somerset and Devon sides.
The seaside places are remote and not well connected but I don't care because work is local and Minehead has all the facilities I will ever need.

A bit further out but what about Suffolk? Definitely agree with other posters are saying realistically considering your income opportunities and how useful it is to have a portable profession - I returned to accounting in order to move somewhere jobs in the niche industry I worked in didn't exist. I imagine in some areas while there are jobs in the nearest big town there will still be a reasonable commute from your coastal home, would working with a reasonably long drive put a dampener on your dream of living next to the sea?

I can definitely relate - it’s also my dream to live by the sea. We’re in London now and actually seriously considering a move to the Kent coast. I’d really love to move to the NE Coast (I’m from the SW but not by the sea) but no chance jobs-wise for me. I think unless you can show your DH the earning potential for life in Devon/Cornwall it’ll be a hard sell, and personally I’m not prepared to give up my career for my own dream lifestyle so it might still be an uphill struggle! Having said that, have you considered Suffolk as a compromise?

I've always wanted to go rural and when my divorce came through it seemed like a great time.

I know you said Brighton was too expensive but how about somewhere along the coast from there (Eastbourne, Worthing, Seaford?)

Funnily enough I lived in Seaford a few years back, it's the best of the bunch with the lovely south downs on the doorstep and Cuckmere Haven, I loved my time there, but the rest of the coast all the way along both ways is a bit grim now.

Brighton , Hove, Shoreham all with good links to London .

Has anyone mentioned Essex ? Its not all Southend and Clacton resorts, there are some lovely places on the coast .

How about using your next move as a stepping stone to your final move to Devon or Cornwall ?

Good advice to focus on training opportunities over Rightmove. Lamenting that it adds a few years to achieving your coastal dream is just delaying ever achieving it. The career focus might make you less fed up generally, giving you more agency in your fate. And it might also make the plan more practical. At the moment, it sounds like you expect being in Cornwall near the sea will fix how you feel, as if there aren't plenty of fed up people in Cornwall. Seeing the sea may give you a lift, but if your DH's work is going to suffer then other concerns will come in.

I'm interested that you're 'down' on closer coastal locations that still make it possible for your DH to keep his work stability. It almost sounds like you're deliberately (or subconsciously) choosing something that can't be achieved or that will cause friction or maximum frustration for you. Why not Sussex? Why not Kent? If you want to be close to the sea, why does it have to be that bit of sea? Sure we all have preferences, but for me it seems to add to the fantasy nature of this. Maybe your unhappiness is clouding everything, but you need to get through those clouds somehow and get practical - income streams, viable location, realistic timeframe.

The private school thing is another tell-tale sign of the fantasy. Course many parents would like to send their DC to fancier schools. Most can't afford it. If you're serious about it, make a plan as to how you'd fund it. Otherwise, yearning for it is only going to swell your unhappiness and make you dissatisfied with what you've got - which doesn't sound too bad, being a SAHM in London is not achievable for many people.

So YANBU to be fed up, but YABU to make it about your DH being intractable. It's your dream and if you want it to be real, work on the how, don't just hope and then get even more fed up when hopes are dashed.

Haha is everyone from Cornwall as insufferable as they are on here?

I’m sure they can’t all be, but the mumsnet CWers are a dour bunch aren’t they? I can never understand why anyone holidays in Cornwall when it’s as packed as a sardine tin, costs a fortune, and you’re so unwelcome.

People should consider Scotland instead we’re much friendlier and our beaches are incomparably nicer.

Kent has some beautiful seaside towns. Hythe/sandgate/seabrook, deal, some areas of Dover are up and coming. Margate/ramsgate are not the dives they once were. Prices are rising though so you better get in quick if it’s definitely what you want to do.

If your children are younger rural and by coast sounds great bl.But when become teens lot harder for things to do and you can end up being a taxi service .Also consider job optunities for them etc

@onandon8 have sent tou a PM with details.

@madcatladyforever

That's what I did last year, I moved to Somerset from the hectic southeast to Dunster near Minehead and Porlock. My mortgage has gone from 1k a month to £300 a month for a bigger house and expenses right down. I work in the NHS so I can go where I want for the same salary. Satah Beeny and her husband and 4 sons have moved to Bruton near Bath in Somerset, there is a programme on channel 4 about their house build. Bruton isn't by the sea but it's lovely countryside, on a train line directly to London with great schools and very trendy and popular with London people now. Somerset has got great beaches both the Somerset and Devon sides. The seaside places are remote and not well connected but I don't care because work is local and Minehead has all the facilities I will ever need.

I second Somerset is beautiful I lived in watchet near minehead for 3years, Somerset has better links to London that Devon/Cornwall but all costal towns especially down south have downsides people forget about holiday makers in the summer places get busy. If your wanting the quite life all year round you are not going to get it during the summer months

OP, I know how you feel about living in London. We moved to Cambridge and that was enough -
you can walk or cycle everywhere, it’s near London, an easy drive to North Norfolk or the Suffolk coast, lots of opportunities for work, etc. It is not cheap. But it is different, and so much easier to get out into the countryside. And great schools, lots of green space, etc. Unless you are in a position to bring in a steady income you don’t really have much of a leg to stand on in terms of asking your partner to move the family away from where most of his work is based. I would imagine that this feeling of sadness and trappedness you are having might shift a bit if you were working towards qualifying in a profession that would give you all more options.