So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

OP, have you considered Shoreham by Sea? Cheaper than Brighton and Hove but still has the train for London commute when needed.

You say that your budget is £400-500 per month mortgage but what’s your budget for buying? The mortgage payments don’t really tell us as we’ve no idea how much deposit you’d be paying.

Good luck!

Oh and we moved to escape the city when DC were 6 and 8. They’re now 16 and 18 abs although eldest is driving now, we are perpetual parent taxis!! If I’d had my time again then I’d have prioritised walking distance to train station or more frequent bus into town before considering village life.

Is Seaford in East Sussex an option? I believe it's quite a bit cheaper than Brighton, lovely countryside, seems to have outstanding secondary school.

PS I know that you didn’t say you’d particularly like to be in a village but beware of villages by the sea!

Good idea, Hoodiemum

but beware of villages by the sea!

How come @SLAW70s?

You need to compromise, find a city with job opportunities which is near the sea. Norwich, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Swansea...

Then you could live in a coastal village or town but only be 30 mins or so from a city centre. Not all cities are the same scale as London.

There are plenty of places that are outside the horrors of London bur accessible to London and very beautiful and cheaper. We live in south east with gorgeous countryside and forest nearby. If you avoid the fast commuter lines to London—possible if you are not going in every day—property is much cheaper than London. Schools are excellent. Why not do some reconnaissance trips at the weekend to different areas and see if there are any you like. There are compromises between London and somewhere as remote as Devon or Cornwall.

Thanks @hoodiemum - don’t know it but will have a look.

I think you're dreaming if you think secondary schools in seaside towns are going to be some utopia of amazing learning, behaviour, akin to a private school.

I will look into job retraining options, but it sounds like I’m going to need to compromise and stay south east. I’m sad about it as it’s not my dream, but I’ve got to be fair to DH.

@formerbabe well they can’t possibly be worse than the ones near me!

Lots of drug taking in rural/seaside areas by bored teens.

Reading your posts, it sounds very "I want" - got to be my favorite counties, got to be 10 mins from the sea, got to be a nice area, got to have nice houses etc. All sounds very nice, but every item on your list comes with a price attached and your budget doesn't seem to be exactly huge!

You need to learn to compromise a bit. OK the dream is Devon/Cornwall by the sea, but looks like from an income point of view that just isn't going to be feasible, so look at your list and order the priorities apart from geographical location.

Is countryside or sea more important? Are local amenities high importance (e.g. supermarket home deliveries, takeaway deliveries, shop within a mile for milk etc.). How close do you need schools to be? What is your DH's commute time (including travel to the nearest station). How important is a nice area, as opposed to a nice part of an OK-ish area?

You've had loads of suggestions on here for compromise locations, so maybe you could look into some of those before automatically saying "but my dream is THIS" and not considering anything else. Also, have you actually looked at the price for your dream location as seaside, decent community, nice area, not built up etc isn't really within your budget in the areas you want!

Blunt I know, but I've had to compromise on location myself as have many others.

@onandon8

I moved from a commuter town in Buckinghamshire to a seaside town in South Devon just over 2 years ago.

My mortgage is less than £300/month for a 4 bed town house. We have 3 outstanding grammar schools in the area and a couple of highly regarded secondaries.

There are bad parts of the area, poverty and depravation are clear in some areas but I had that in my home town too. We have homelessness and drug problems but again no worse than the area I grew up in.

People successfully live and work in seaside towns. The pace of life is different. We are more relaxed here. I do miss my home town but I could never see myself living there again. I love the tranquility of the sea in the winter, I love walking the dogs on the beach. I love the vibrancy and busyness of the summer. We have no regrets.

@DimidDavilby

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown.

Bore off @DimidDavilby!

@onandon8 don’t listen, a couple of inbreds spout this rubbish but the rest of us really are quite welcoming and normal!

The other thing to consider about relocating is that you will be playing taxi to your dc for years to come because we don’t have much in the way of public transport!

I grew up in Cornwall, moved away to Hampshire for university and worked there for 15+yrs before moving back to Cornwall.

It is not the panacea that people think it is. We're an incredibly impoverished county. Fuck all jobs unless you like seasonal work. Careers are heavily limited by location. Appalling public transport options - you really do need to drive in most areas.

Schools are as hit and miss as London ones. We have significant pollution problems in many areas. It's not a multi-cultural society. Your children will grow up here, then likely have to leave for an education or work - it's not a great place for teenagers unless they are happy with a long term low income and no chance of buying their own property. They might be luckier though.

Changing postcode doesn't change your life. Few people go to the beach every day, and only the privileged wealthy ex-Londoners can afford sea views in most places. And yes, the locals resent that.

Coming here for holidays is one thing. Living here through the winter, without work, without career prospects, is quite another. Be realistic.

I lived in london in my 20s for post grad studies and then work. I was fun and interesting but already massively expensive and I struggled to afford a roof over my head and to be able to take advantage of living in London; galleries, concerts, theatre etc.

I moved back to Scotland in my early 30s and my quality of life is much better here. I have a lovely home, outside space and a decent disposable income now so that I can go to any concert or play that takes my fancy even if it means a trip down to London for the weekend.

What about small seaside towns in Kent or Sussex. Some are quite nice and give the option of commuting into London. It can involve a bit of searching and compromise, but is doable.

Opps" it " was fun and interesting, although I hope I was too! I was never expensive though!

Go north OP! Leeds and Manchester are both busy hubs where your DH can find work, property prices are so much lower than London, and the scenery is so much better. My DH before lockdown, commuted into London once, sometimes twice a week. An early train down, granted, but he'd get there for 9am, on a 4.30pm train home and still become in time to read the kids a bedtime book.

No seaside though... we're waiting for retirement for that move.

It can be done: I did it, 30 years ago, as a freelance writer. But the problems didn't emerge for a decade, and then it was because I was too far away to hang out and gossip with the people commissioning the work, and by then, quite a bit older than them. I loved it, made decent money but the travelling was often gruelling. I often (sometimes twice weekly) got out of bed at 2:30 am to drive somewhere just inside the M25 for an 8.00am meeting because it suited the client better.

As other posters have suggested, watch the Simon Reeve programme that was shown last Sunday. Yes, Cornwall is lovely but it's not paradise.

OP I lived in London and then 10 years in NYC. 2 years ago we decided we were tired of Manhattan lifestyle and spent a year planning our exit. We started our own business and bought a house in the UK countryside, beside the sea, huge garden.

I have never been happier. I do miss the restaurants and how easy things were to access and my friends being in the same neighbourhood. Plan is to move back to city when kids are older (secondary level or maybe if/when they go to college). We might change our mind but we rented our place

Could you jot perhaps trial it for say a year - rent somewhere and see how it goes.

Try Plymouth. Devon, sandwiched between the sea and the moor, 10 minutes drive from Cornwall. 3 hours 20 minutes from London on the train.

Or Exeter is even better as it's an hour closer to London.

PM if you want information. I really do think it's a good option. City life but with a slightly rural feel - 15 minutes out onto completely glorious moorland.

Spot on @SoddingWeddings Cornwall can be wonderful, but you have to be realistic.

I grew up in a house there 10 mins walk from the sea, and sea views. My parents still live there. For economic reasons mainly, only one of their 6 children does - and that’s because she’s unable to work and is unofficially a career for them whilst getting somewhere to live - she’d rather leave the county.

But, if it’s what you want OP - go for it! The sticking point appears to be his job, so I would advise you to find a job in Cornwall, then swap roles and he can be a SAHD for a while?