So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

It all depends on if the op likes jam first.

Ha ha!

@daisymaze I'm not! (I'm lovely really )
All are free to come here, just as we can move north if we wanted.

@PullTheBricksDown @sassbott it's unbelievable how much you object to someone thinking about living the life they want! Very, very strange.
It's almost laughable that you're trying to shoot down the idea of leaving the SE as if people living outside it can not have jobs, homes and decent incomes 🙄 Millions.. let me repeat.. Millions of people live very happily outside Greater London and would not move to inner city even if you paid them.
I lived in London for nearly 20 years, and now that I've left, I would NEVER move back. I've moved my family up nort so cant comment too much on the Devon/Cornwall quality of life, but I know people who live there and have absolutely normal lives close to the beach. The OP is not 'dreaming' of some lavish kept-woman lifestyle as some of you seem to suggest very strangely. She wants to have an OK house, go to work and live close enough to the beach. Absolutely doable. There IS life outside London believe it or not 😂

Pullthebricksdown and sassbott never said where they lived so I don’t think this is a ‘London’ thing at all. I think the place they are moving from is a red herring, it would be the same if they were moving form Manchester or Birmingham.

I think they were questioning how realistic the dream was in her current situation, financially reliant on someone else who’s job prospects may reduce by moving to the coast during a period of economic turmoil which is only projected to get worse. If she’d have said earlier that she was looking to retrain in order to mitigate the risk on her DH it may sound more sensible.

Also it did sound more about what she wanted and there wasn’t much about the DHs view. It’s a real possibility that post Covid he may find his options severely limited based on location and if the OP is unskilled and lacks recent work experience, they will be screwed. I’m just a more risk averse person than the OP which is fine, we don’t all have to be the same.

Also there’s zero point in posting in AIBU if you expect everyone to say ‘you go girl!’. The whole point of this section is for people to read what you’ve said and come to their own conclusions.

There’s a lot of projection on this thread. It’s highly amusing.

At which point have I suggested that there is no life outside of london? I didn’t grow up in London.
Nor have I suggested that people dreaming about building a better life elsewhere is something negative.

I’m being drowned out by a sea of voices who prefer to think one way (their own comfort) vs the pragmatic reality of how is this going to work?

The op has come back and said her husband is freelance. Whilst also clearly stating in her OP that he prefers to be in reach of London as that is where jobs come up.

All I have simply asked (that she still hasn’t replied), is what does he want and what does this look like for him?

You can all Wade in on me hammer and tongs. It makes not one difference to me.

Also it did sound more about what she wanted and there wasn’t much about the DHs view. It’s a real possibility that post Covid he may find his options severely limited based on location and if the OP is unskilled and lacks recent work experience, they will be screwed. I’m just a more risk averse person than the OP which is fine, we don’t all have to be the same

This one hundred times over.
And yet my repeatedly voicing this makes me bitter? Not one bit. I’m legitimately asking this Op. how is this going to work and what does the income earner want? As in the Op, this isn’t something he is supportive of.

She doesn't owe you guys an answer 🙄 It's an anonymous post and OP can choose the level of detail she wants to share..

No. She doesn’t.
But she thinks she can pile in and say posters sounds bitter? Bit rich.
Either answer the posts, or say you’re not prepared to (because you’re a self involved individual). But to ignore them and then say people are bitter?

That’s not how it works

PullTheBricksDown@sassbottit's unbelievable how much you object to someone thinking about living the life they want! Very, very strange.

On the contrary, I think OP could do with thinking about a lot more than she has! There are gaps in the plan, let's say. Btw I don't live in London.

Have you considered Suffolk? Lovely coastline, countryside and not a huge distance from London

@Myglorioushairdo

She doesn't owe you guys an answer 🙄 It's an anonymous post and OP can choose the level of detail she wants to share..

Yes, she can say what she wants, and so can we. I think you're getting how this works now.

@PullTheBricksDown yes that's the revealing part of an anonymous forum like this.. When given the right to say anything we like we reveal our true colours..

I lived in London my whole life, moved to the top of the country about three years ago and it’s the best thing I ever did. Better scenery better life and less busy. No matter where you are there’s pros and cons I guess it goes on what you’d prefer but living a busy city life in London isn’t for everyone

Cornwall with sea views isn’t cheap, plus the locals probably wouldn’t welcome another Emmet. Bear in mind summers are packed with tourists and clog up the roads, winters the seaside towns are deserted as all the second home owners have returned to London.
Why not try renting your current house out, and use the rent money to rent in Cornwall for six months to ensure Cornwall is for you, suppose though that depends on how old your children currently are.

Friends of ours moved to Dorset from Hackney 4 years ago. The house they sold was a 3 bed semi 750 grand.. The house they bought was a 4 bed detached in a beautiful village.. 500 grand then spent a further 100 grand modernising it..
Pros Wife loves it ( secured a job as a TA in local school... DD 2 age 6 loves it.. made friends in same school... DS age 9 loves it.. joined local football team..
Cons.. Husband hates it.. ( works from home but cant settle) finds the locals standoffish and unwelcoming
DD1 age 15 hates it.. Never "fitted in, hasn't made friends ( and believe me she's tried)
Its sad because it was such a dream of theirs and its causing so much friction.

Either answer the posts, or say you’re not prepared to (because you’re a self involved individual).

Give me one good reason why I should waste a moment of my time answering such an aggressive poster as yourself. And not answering you doesn’t make me self-involved at all - you come across as very self important thinking that I owe you an answer, not to mention aggressive and rude. There are hundreds of replies on this thread, do you expect me to answer every single one of them? I do have a life outside of Mumsnet you know.

I find it very funny (and a bit odd) that a stranger could get so worked up by another stranger wanting to have a happier life and figuring out a way to do that. As I said earlier, it says a lot about you and not in a good way.

Hi Op, We live in Cornwall and it is a gorgeous place to be if you have a good standard of living. A few things to consider - in order to go to Uni or have a career your children will usually need to leave the county. There is very little provision for higher education or apprenticeships. Not many youngsters return as house prices are high for the county salary, so 'newcomers' tend to be retirees or second homeowners.
There is massive social deprivation and all it brings especially inland. Huge reliance on charity, food banks, drug and crime problems. This can be like a beacon for bored teenagers. We are fortunate in that we work for the NHS but most professionals I know either work away Mon -Fri or work in teaching or Local Authority - there just isn't the range of business that there is in other counties.
It can be ridiculously busy June-Oct. My trip to the shops can go from taking me 15 mins out of season to 1-2 hours in August.
If you can afford a good and secure lifestyle in Cornwall, it can be a stunning place to live, but be aware of the huge polarity within the county. Good luck OP

yes that's the revealing part of an anonymous forum like this.. When given the right to say anything we like we reveal our true colours..

Quite, @Myglorioushairdo!

@onandon8 I live in London and I like it but I also understand that it isn't everyone's cup of tea. The main problem is that you and your DH are not on the same page. I have a family full of creatives and the reality is that unless they are very established and sought after, jobs/contracts tend to be near the cities so if not London then it will be Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol, Liverpool, Edinburgh etc. Perhaps a compromise, take a look at areas near to these cities that will suit you both.

Thanks @cjpark and @GertieBassett

@whysotriggered thanks. DH doesn’t need to be near a city as it currently stands, but he’s understandably worried that he may need to be in the future.

A bit leftfield but Scotland or Northumberland could be a good option. The coastline is wild and beautiful and if you position yourself close to Edinburgh there’s plenty of work for freelancers. It’s also a fairly painless commute to Glasgow and Newcastle on the train (certainly compatible to Kent/Surrey/Berks/Oxford to London). So you’d have three cities worth of work available and if you avoid central Edinburgh, much cheaper housing.

Just to get another perspective, did you watch Cornwall with Simon Reeve this week? Shows you the other side of Cornwall, low employment, some bits very run down (might be where your £500 mortgage might buy you something!). I’m from Devon but no longer live there but it’s beautiful as is Cornwall. But the nice places are so expensive.
I now live in Hampshire, the sea is a mile away and I walk the coast every day with dogs. Train to London is 1 hr 40, I know people who do that commute but it’s a very long day!

Have you looked at Herne Bay in Kent? Not the same as Faversham or Meopham but close enough to London and house prices are very reasonable.

I would definitely rent out your London place and rent there for the first year or two. Some people do regret leaving London, there's threads about it.