So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

Don't know your age but you sound young to be burned out. If you can do it, do it. Life can be short and very unforgiving. Husbands job may put spanner in the works (FOR NOW). Don't give up on your dreams, you will get there in the end

I haven't read the whole thread but I think a couple of people have mentioned Somerset, I'm thinking Clevedon/Portishead It's very close to Bristol where there are loads of opportunities. Don't close your mind to other places otherwise you'll never fulfil your dream

I just want to give my DC the best life

Then don’t go to Cornwall

Programme about young people in Cornwall on recently. Only caught a few minutes of it but the upshot was if your children want jobs then it might not be a problem if they can do seasonal work
If they want careers then there isn’t anything and they will have to move.

I think you are so against the London traffic and general busyness that you are getting too hung up on changing scenery completely You want a pretty village by the sea but can’t afford it and the places you can afford you don’t want.

There are some lovely places in the Home Counties. They might not have sea views but the pace of life and different scenery could be so much more relaxed

Fwiw I have absolutely no qualifications and since January because Dp has given up work (ill health) I have been keeping our household going. Our savings ran out and I don’t have a regular job but have managed to turn my hand to a few things that has kept us going.
I know I wouldn’t have been able to do any of the stuff I do if I didn’t live in London.

Also I did move out of London and it was the worse mistake of my life. I had the pretty cottage in a pretty village and there were times I could have walked out with just the clothes on my back. I hated it so much.
Dc have grown up in London and have friends from all over the country (ECA competitions) They think growing up in London was the best childhood they could possibly have had.

Yes you need to move but you don’t need to move to extremes

Hi OP. I was born, bought up and worked in London. I was very happy until after we married and then went on to have our children. I have always loved the sea and wanted to move to Cornwall but we knew my husband had to still travel into the city.
We ended up moving to a village in the weald 9 years ago when my children were 4 and 4 months old. If I am honest at first I thought what have we done. It is so different from living in London and I missed my friend's and family. As time as gone on we have made a life for ourselves and it was the best decision we did. Primary and secondary schools are good around here. We Are a 10 minute drive to the train station, have a few shops on our doorsteps but Hastings is 30 minutes drive and Tunbridge wells so have the best of both worlds. I am not at the other end of the country from my old friends and family so drive and see them regularly. Before the virus anyway.
We ended up buying a dog a few years ago which has been brilliant and we take him over the fields near us. We walk from our village to another village and don't see a soul at times on our walks. I also feel it is a much slower pace of life. My friend laugh at me because I wouldn't of been seen in a pair of wellies, now I live in them. I always thought I would of stayed in London but glad we moved away. House prices here aren't bad and can be affordable. We also love Cornwall. Spend every summer since I was little in Cornwall and would of loved to move one day but saying that, I love where we are now and also I forgot to say, I feel safe here. I hope you find somewhere you love. All the best.

I’m retired now, but live in a lovely small market town in Somerset, Frome, you can be at the coast in just over an hour and it’s very popular with people moving from London. There are plenty of opportunities for work, we are near Bath, Bristol and Swindon. My dream was always to move to Cornwall. But friends who work in a hospital in Cornwall say it’s not the dream you imagine. When all the tourists have gone home, you are left with lots of unemployed locals, poverty, and social deprivation, no opportunities for young people, so they leave the county etc etc Somerset is really lovely, Warminster, nearby has a direct rail service to London. I hope your life changes for the better xxx

I feel for you. Could you afford a chalet in somewhere like Norfolk and go down for weekends and holidays?

That way he could work and you could commute for good times and rent it out to help pay it's running costs.

Have you considered Essex? There’s some beautiful areas such as the Dedham Vale (Constable Country) within an hour commute of London. Have a look at Manningtree and Wivenhoe, affordable houses, good schools etc. If you want coastal there’s Frinton on Sea, Leigh On Sea, Burnham on Crouch...

You want a pretty village by the sea but can’t afford it and the places you can afford you don’t want.

I’ve found some places in Cornwall where I would love to live, that tick all my boxes and are in our price range. It’s just a matter of whether we can make it work jobs wise.

Can I ask what you hated about life outside of London?

I think it’s fairly likely that your kids will move away from their home towns wherever they live TBH - even if you live in a big city they might move to another one, or go abroad. So I don’t worry too much about that.

Cornwall is literally one of the emptiest parts of the UK please consider stop being such a nimby!

OP there are likely to be many more opportunities to wfh since lockdown has proved it works so your partners commute argument might be lessened. I love London and work there but wouldn’t want to have kids there.

Thanks for all these new suggestions, I will take a look

I just applied for a job in Grantham (used to work in the City) and if I get it will sell my london flat and buy a whole house mortgage free. Lincolnshire has some wonderful coast.

Hope you find your dream x

I live in Kent and absolutely love it. If you’re travelling through you may get the impression it’s busy and crowded, it only is in certain areas. One of my freelance jobs is researching a guidebook for various bits of this county. It’s such a mixed landscape and it’s got so many interesting areas. You’ve got the obvious coastal resorts that everybody goes to, but you’ve also got say Romney Marsh which seems like the end of the earth - huge dramatic skies, open fields, ancient buildings and churches. There’s barely anyone there, just sheep! I live in the Weald which is cosy and bucolic, lots of wooded areas, beautiful villages and open countryside, it’s a real food production area - the proper garden of England. Medway is quite urban, with quite an industrial landscape but again amazing history and Rochester is beautiful. Faversham has the highest number of listed buildings in any one town, the houses are really mixed and lots happens there - the community really bust a gut to hold events. East Kent, again beautiful, the villages south of Canterbury are lovely, Canterbury itself is a vibrant student town with excellent communications. Thanet you’ve obviously been to, same with Whitstable, which is gorgeous but now crucifyingly expensive.

The one place I’d avoid is the M20 corridor, soon to be Farage Garage, and although Folkestone is a real favourite of mine again will be in the firing line of Brexit No Deal along with Dover. To be honest without Brexit the M20 corridor seems to cop the development anyway.

Definitely get a holiday cottage for a week and explore every area, also there’s a new ITV series just about Kent with Paul O’Grady, that’ll give you a good sense of the varying landscape.

I’m not sure if it’s what Cornwall Live like to focus on, or if it’s a national problem or a localised problem - but there’s a lot of child sex abuse down here.

Not a day goes by when there isn’t someone being sentenced for related crimes locally.

If anyone wants to correct me on this - feel free to do so. Because it’s been really depressing me lately and I’d like to “snap out of it”. I’m hoping it’s not a “Cornwall thing”.

Cornwall has some of the most disadvantaged areas in the U.K.
The infrastructure, health service etc are under considerable strain and will be worse post Brexit.
Opportunities for young people are poor.

I left London for Cornwall 7 years ago

I say.a thank you every day that I did !

This thread is making me want to leave the county.

It literally confirms the issues I have. I feel so guilty for raising DS here.

No amount of kayaking and sailing in sewagey surf will change my mind!

Ahhh I need gin now

@designercornishbird it's no worse or better here than anywhere else - I was a copper and have plenty of friends still in the Job - it happens all over the world, sadly, but the fact is that the ones you read about in the paper have been caught - they aren't the ones to concentrate on. It's the bastards still doing it that are the biggest problem right now.....

Also, Cornwall Live and Plymouth Live tend to repeat reports umpteen times a month, so be aware they may have put out another variation on the same story for the third time in a week.

I stand by my point that Cornwall is not a good place to grow up because of lack of opportunity.

My DH and I grew up here with our various siblings. We all had to leave to complete our educations, go into careers etc. As in aged 18. Most of us were unable to return until our late 30s.

We were also at school together, and I assure you our teenage years were full of drugs and alcohol (well, only cannabis for me, but everything except heroin for him...) because of isolation, lack of things to do, lack of transport etc. So what do you do on a Saturday night? Get out of your tree. It's the same now.

I've said on these threads before and I'll continue to bang the drum - Cornwall is an idyll for a holiday. Living here in January when it's bleak, cold, empty, everything is closed and you're out of work is another story.

I wish people would be more realistic and remember there are good and bad points in all places, but that moving to the poorest area in Northern Europe and expecting your kids to have it all is unrealistic.

@SoddingWeddings thank you so much! That is reassuring. Cornwall Live is bloody ridiculous and they keep trying to divide the non Cornish and the Cornish too - seems to be working on their FB page. Unfortunately.

My secondary school sounds much like yours!!

We literally spent days hanging around on mining wasteland. Many people from my school are in prison. Most of the others don’t have careers.

I agree with your post 100%

I recently advertised an office finance role and had 260 applicants.

@onandon8 I mentioned earlier but do watch Simon Reeve in Cornwall that was on this week - it really does show that a lot of Cornwall has such low employment and in particular prospects for younger people. I love it there, grew up in Devon and still go back quite often. But it can be as boring as hell for teenagers!

Faversham, The Weald , Meopham, Canterbury and Deal are fabulous but are the same as London house prices so not doable for OP price range

I haven't rtft so apologies if it's already been suggested but have you considered Eastbourne? It's had a reputation for being for old people in the past but lots of younger folk are being attracted to it now as property prices are reasonable. It's not that far from London. It comes at the top of the most hours of sunshine table too!

I really understand how you feel OP and I feel the same. I've known so many families who have left our part of London to move somewhere rural. The thing is though, many people say it's for the kids' benefit and I really, really don't think it is a great way for kids to grow up.

Some good friends of ours moved to Devon when their kids were 4 and 7. They have spent their whole time driving, driving, driving their kids everywhere. They can't have an independent social life. They can't walk down the street to see their friends, hop on a bus to go to a music group or cycle to a swimming pool. Also, many rural areas are really homogeneous culturally and conservative.

It's great to live in beautiful village or by the sea when you're over 30 but not before!

I understand but I live in the country where there are no jobs, poor transport links, failing schools and a hospital on its knees, not to mention no services. Very pretty but that’s it. Be very careful where you move too but wish you luck.

@thecatsabsentcojones fantastic post, thank you! How do you mean about Folkestone being affected by Brexit? That was one of the areas we were thinking of if we don’t do Devon/Cornwall.

I don’t know why people keep saying that Cornwall isn’t heaven, my kids won’t have it all, like I don’t know that I come from a rough part of London, not Walton on Thames I’ve seen it all, trust me.

Oh, and kids did alcohol and drugs at my school too and it was a non rural area! It’s not unique to the countryside.