So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

[quote onandon8]@SheridansSmyth also what’s Folkestone like in terms of crime - do you get needles on the beach (not something I have ever come across in Devon or Cornwall!) and is there a massive drugs problem? This thread has scared me a bit, although I really do think I’ve seen it all coming from London. I just want to live somewhere that feels safe and calm!

Are there any particular primaries and secondaries you’d recommend and have you found it easy to make friends? How would you say it differs to Margate and Ramsgate?

Sorry for all the questions![/quote]
Folkestone has really turned a corner the last few years. The addition of the Harbour Arm has attracted a different type of resident. Definitely no needles on the beach.

What about Portsmouth?

Just about commutable to London. lovely waterfront and with a beach. More affordable than many places in the south.

To be honest, I think this is about your husbands work. You all rely on it to live.

I think if you can retrain and not be wholly financially reliant on him then potentially you’d lessen the need to be commutable to London, as his work would be less critical to your survival

Some people have weird ideas about safety in London. It covers a huge area and many places have crime rates below the national average and feel safe. I’m in outer London and it’s super safe and very friendly.

Where in London are you?
Muswell Hill is a wonderful place in London. Good primaries and secondaries and a lot of green space. I feel very safe here!

Some people have weird ideas about safety in London. It covers a huge area and many places have crime rates below the national average and feel safe.

I know, it really pisses me off. What a cliche.

@onandon8

Thanks *@SheridansSmyth*. What sort of budget would you need to get somewhere nice? We can only go to £320k, which I know doesn’t get you far in most of the SE...

I’ve never seen needles on the beach and I run along it most days...have sent you a message about schools, etc 😁😁. Feel free to quiz away. As someone who was initially very reluctant to move here I am a huge advocate now 🙈

OP I’m sorry you feel your life is grinding you down.

How does your DH feel about (a) being the only earner and (b) moving to Devon or Cornwall because “that’s my dream” (but not Somerset or Dorset or Kent etc that’s ALL wrong ).

It just seems naive and like you want the moon on a stick (downsides be damned). Have a plan/ dream sure but your contribution appears to be googling impractical properties right now. This is not your decision to make unilaterally.

I know JoJoSM2. It’s like some people think everyone in London’s life is like The Bill or The Wire. I live in a lovely area with lovely people who know each other. My kids have never been in a gang. None of my friends kids have been in a gang. I’ve never been a victim of crime. We recently realised we’d accidentally left a spare set of keys under the front door matt since February! My security camera only ever picks up foxes and cats. London’s a big place with a massive population and every area is different. It’s not all the same.

Back on topic, I don’t know why people are spending so much time indulging OPs fantasies. Where they live will be down to where her DH can find regular work because she’s been asked several times now what she’s planning on doing to be able to bring cash in to make her dream a reality and she’s not answered is clearly the answer is nothing.

[quote PatriciaPerch]ok first thing on google when you search needles, folkestone

www.kentlive.news/news/kent-news/mum-sickened-after-daughter-9-1765531[/quote]
The thing is, you could do that about any place. I’ve just put in “Surrey, needles“ and evening for one of the most well-heeled counties in the country I immediately got hits for drug needle exchanges. If you search “Is xxxx a nice place to live?” You’re likely to get more relevant information...

Life grinds you down wherever are, especially in a lockdown.

@Tellmetruth4

I know JoJoSM2. It’s like some people think everyone in London’s life is like The Bill or The Wire. I live in a lovely area with lovely people who know each other. My kids have never been in a gang. None of my friends kids have been in a gang. I’ve never been a victim of crime. We recently realised we’d accidentally left a spare set of keys under the front door matt since February! My security camera only ever picks up foxes and cats. London’s a big place with a massive population and every area is different. It’s not all the same.

Back on topic, I don’t know why people are spending so much time indulging OPs fantasies. Where they live will be down to where her DH can find regular work because she’s been asked several times now what she’s planning on doing to be able to bring cash in to make her dream a reality and she’s not answered is clearly the answer is nothing.

Agree with this. Both points. There’s no point in indulging moving unless the h can get creative work. Or op earns.

Some people have weird ideas about safety in London. It covers a huge area and many places have crime rates below the national average and feel safe.

Its so tiresome and irritating isn't it. So tired of feeling I have to apologise to people for liking living in London.

500 quid mortgage in Devon or Cornwall.. I think you must be in a dream, id imagine they are tripple that at least surely..

I live in a lovely area with lovely people

Good for you @Tellmetruth4 - not everyone can afford to live in a lovely area of London. Is that so hard to grasp?

And what do you mean “indulging my fantasies” - I’m at a crossroads, we’re seriously considering a number of options and this thread has been very helpful. Please don’t post anymore if you have nothing constructive to add. Enjoy your “lovely” area.

OP the answer is definitely for you to work so you are not as reliant on DH's salary.

Do you have skills you could use? Start looking for jobs in the SW so you can show your DH it could be financially viable.

Freelance designer can get work near any major city! I live about a 40 minute drive into either Sheffield or Leeds, beautiful house, countryside on the doorstep and probably the cost of a bed sit in London. Get moved!

500 quid mortgage in Devon or Cornwall.. I think you must be in a dream, id imagine they are tripple that at least surely..

No offence but I don’t think you understand how mortgages work!

Do you have skills you could use? Start looking for jobs in the SW so you can show your DH it could be financially viable.

I will certainly be looking into that, thanks @reefedsail!

Tbh i think you'd be very selfish to do this before your kids are grown. Education is notoriously poor on the coast, especially in the areas your budget will stretch to. And then options for employment/advancement are really thin in the ground. I know a handful of families who left London to give their children a beautiful rural childhood by the beach and are absolutely devastated by the impact it's had on their futures.

I recommend Bridlington.

onandon8 I don't think anyone's having a go: but you seem to see things in fairly black and white terms ie London = bad, seaside = good and have a fairly simplistic solution in mind. You're fed up with your life, which is understandable particularly at the moment, you see an escape to the seaside as a silver bullet which will turn your life around.

I'm suggesting, as are others, that this is a simplistic approach, that you seem not to have thought it through and that you are probably underestimating the challenges and difficulties here.

There are many ways in which moving out of London could improve your life but moving to a seaside town where your DH's work prospects are diminished, where you don't know anyone, with limited amenities when you are financially dependent and small kids is pretty risky when you haven't really planned it.

You need to get your OH on side and you probably ought to have some financial independence anyway. Then you should start thinking strategically about the kind of move which will make both of you happy and work with both of your jobs.

Also you seem fixated on London being the root of the problem and seem to be worried about deprivation and gangs etc. In fact obviously there are these problems in London but there are ways of avoiding this. And moving out of London doesn't automatically remove the risk of these things happening.

Have you considered that maybe it isn't London that's the problem? Could it be that your life isn't fulfilling in other ways? Are you surrounded by friends and supportive people? Are there other things which you could be looking at?

@Ohalrightthen actually, a education wise that’s not what I’ve found - several of the areas I’ve been looking at have good or outstanding rated schools.