So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

the general atmosphere is constant vigilance.

I think that sums it up well.

Having said that areas can differ and op you might find something nicer outside it.

It’s just the work thing, I’m in creative industry too, and I don’t think you can rely on zoom next year.

Canterbury is not a particularly cheap place to live. Also, it has a grammar school system which might or might not suit, and getting in and out of that part of Kent might be affected by Brexit lorry queues, of course! It also has one or two highly deprived areas amongst the well heeled bits, with high levels of child poverty and children living in care. Hastings is one of the most deprived areas in the whole of England, so not a great place to move if you are getting out of London partly to get away from issues caused by living in an area of high deprivation. Likewise areas of Thanet in Kent, like Margate.

You could watch the recent Simon Reeves first episode on Cornwall on iPlayer to get an idea of the issues involved with living there, especially for young people.

Living in or near seaside towns can be lovely, of course, but you need to do it with your eyes open, and minus the rose tinted spectacles!

@onandon8

the general atmosphere is constant vigilance.

I think that sums it up well.

Not everywhere in London by any stretch. But yes maybe where you are.

SW1

Blimey

I will watch the Cornwall documentary, thank you.

Hastings is one of the most deprived areas in the whole of England, so not a great place to move if you are getting out of London partly to get away from issues caused by living in an area of high deprivation.

I have friends who left London a few years ago for similar reasons to why I want to. They chose Hastings and love it! Sadly it’s out of our price range.

@onandon8

Oh thank you *@JoJoSM2* - they look lovely!

Can second those - I live five minutes from there in the West End of Folkestone and it is a simply beautiful place to call home. Sandgate and its cafe culture vibe reminds me a bit of Crouch End (where we lived many moons ago) and Saltwood and Hythe have beautiful countryside and beaches. My kids walk to the local schools which are outstanding. Honestly, we looked all over the country and I honestly don’t think we could have picked a better part of the world to live...I’ve literally just got back from a sea swim and it was glorious - I can’t understand those who say seaside towns are miserable places to live in winter...

We also have friends in Lewes which seems lovely but very pricey.

Compared to my life in the country where I do not even think about personal safety, I leave my car unlocked, the house is unlocked and my dc can go anywhere and I know they will be safe, when we are in London I have to be on my guard, I have to be aware of the people around me. Also in cars around me (I was dragged into a car when I was twenty and just about got away) I am careful where we go, and how we are getting there. I am uneasy about dc doing anything very far away. Some of the parties they have been to in London are completely wild, completely different league.

I am sorry but I could not cope with raising dc there. I could not. I would be worried sick. I know not everywhere is the same. I have friends in Wimbledon, Greenwich, Blackheath, Chelsea, Kew etc all feel safe. It is just not my idea of safe.

I am not being negative, as I grew up there - most of my family on both sides still live in London. It is just my experience comparing the two.

@SheridansSmyth thanks. I will show them to DH - he will be pleased they’re not in Cornwall. Do you know much about Ramsgate?

marsha Anyone that tells you SW1 does not have its fair share of serious crime is lying (or trying to sell a house!)

Ihave we all feel differently. I can’t relate but obviously it’s personal.

I grew up where we didn’t lock our house, or cars etc. But I don’t feel unsafe here nor on guard. Dc sensible so far. Their friends are nice. But if you’re feeling that way then you just do.

Do you know what OP, you get one life and it's short (but too long to be unhappy).

So what I would propose to your DH is that you will retrain and take responsibility for having reliable work that can be done from /in SW and make a sensible, meaningful plan that moves you to SW in a way that does not jeopardise your financial security.

There are people who love the country and those who love a city. I kept moving to bigger towns then London. But I totally get why people find it not for them.

@SheridansSmyth also what’s Folkestone like in terms of crime - do you get needles on the beach (not something I have ever come across in Devon or Cornwall!) and is there a massive drugs problem? This thread has scared me a bit, although I really do think I’ve seen it all coming from London. I just want to live somewhere that feels safe and calm!

Are there any particular primaries and secondaries you’d recommend and have you found it easy to make friends? How would you say it differs to Margate and Ramsgate?

Sorry for all the questions!

[quote onandon8]@SheridansSmyth thanks. I will show them to DH - he will be pleased they’re not in Cornwall. Do you know much about Ramsgate?[/quote]
Not a great deal I’m afraid...we drove there once not long after we moved out here and turned around and came home again as it looked a bit scary!! I’ve never ventured back, though maybe I should give it another chance. We’ve visited all along the coastline here though and there are lots of beautiful places, what swung Folkestone for us was the HS link to London (DH still commutes a couple of times a week and it is a pleasant and reasonably short one) and the huge investment that is happening in Folkestone - the richest man in Kent owns pretty much half the town and subsides the arts and independent ventures massively so there are loads of lovely restaurants, shops and cafes and free creative things to get involved in. And that includes plenty of activities for our children. Plus we also love a bit of history in our house and Folkestone is steeped in it...

Anyone that tells you SW1 does not have its fair share of serious crime is lying (or trying to sell a house!)

Very true!

I live in Cornwall. I moved for the same reasons you want to.

Before lockdown I went to London or Birmingham on the train once a week.

The sleeper train to London is full most nights. Full of people going to London to work gor a day or so then they work from home the rest of the week.

The train back from Paddington at 6pm ish is party Central! Lots of people who have been doing it for years and all know each other.

The money they earn is then brought back into Cornwall. I think it's a good thing.

Thanks @SheridansSmyth. What sort of budget would you need to get somewhere nice? We can only go to £320k, which I know doesn’t get you far in most of the SE...

What about somewhere like Northumberland or Scotland? Could he be within commuting distance of somewhere like Edinburgh or Newcastle, or does it have to be London?

If the coast is up for negotiation, there are some lovely areas of Derbyshire and Yorkshire in commuting distance of lots of major cities (Leeds/Manchester/Sheffield) and also make a day in London feasible.

what’s Folkestone like in terms of crime - do you get needles on the beach
It's not something I've ever seen.

Thanet (where Ramsgate is that you asked about) has bigger problems than Canterbury or the south coast where Folkestone is.

All that said you can't beat London for culture, for shopping, theatres, world class hotels and restaurants, proper service - nightlife and fun! So it is not all bad - and do you know we owe London so much as a family, and my girls LOVE being there!! And I have no doubt as soon as they get the chance they will be out of this dreary little village with its kindly old people nursing a thimble of wine, and they will be on the first train out of here!!!! seriously you can't win! So don't try, just live somewhere that suits you!

I will never forget my MIL coming to us for a first visit here, she was honestly horrified and said she could not get over how frumpy and old everyone looked, everything was caked in mud how did we cope?! And the constant power failures that seemed to wait until she arrived finished her off! Patchy wifi, no electricity - it was positively medieval!

I don't think she could live fast enough (one way to get rid of MIL!!!) and rarely came back, despite all of her friends telling how 'lucky' she was to have dc that lived in such a lovely place!