So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

@Ohalrightthen

Tbh i think you'd be very selfish to do this before your kids are grown. Education is notoriously poor on the coast, especially in the areas your budget will stretch to. And then options for employment/advancement are really thin in the ground. I know a handful of families who left London to give their children a beautiful rural childhood by the beach and are absolutely devastated by the impact it's had on their futures.

Somewhere like Seaton has an outstanding primary school and is in catchment for Colyton. Hardly an educational death sentence.

Education is notoriously poor on the coast.

Is a bit of a sweeping statement!

OP your dream is not impossible but your DH is not on board. You need to convince him first.

And actually, I think Cornwall could do with more young professionals/entrepreneurs/freelancers. Better that than more retirees and second homers.

My very best wishes to you @onandon8
I grew up by the sea side and hated it. Utterly hated it . I think for older children London or a decent sized town is so much better in their teens. There are plenty of good schools in London - some good , some bad but if you move for a school outside then surely houses will be more expensive there about.

And actually, I think Cornwall could do with more young professionals/entrepreneurs/freelancers. Better that than more retirees and second homers.

Thanks @RhymesWithOrange

YANBU at all. I feel completely the same and want to move (albeit we rent, can’t get a mortgage in London!)

DH has a job he could easily do from home for good, but his office is in London and he likes going in and feeling part of that culture- so even if WFH because of Covid carries on he doesn’t want to be too far out if/when we do move. My job is also London only (related to politics) but I’d happily look for a new role if it meant we could move to the SW.

I just feel life in London suburbs and Home Counties is too expensive - if we move to Bucks/Berks etc we’ll only ever have a small house with a ginormous mortgage. Kent/Essex etc out of question for us as families are both west and I don’t want a five hour drive every time we go to see them. Sigh. I feel your pain OP, and I wish you luck.

@RhymesWithOrange

Education is notoriously poor on the coast.

Is a bit of a sweeping statement!

OP your dream is not impossible but your DH is not on board. You need to convince him first.

And actually, I think Cornwall could do with more young professionals/entrepreneurs/freelancers. Better that than more retirees and second homers.

I don’t doubt. But if op’s h gets a contract for a year in Cornwall what after it ends? The next agency might say great but we need you here Monday (London or wherever). There’s a reason creative services stay near cities it’s because you need the concentration of opportunities.

Not a good idea to convince, better to think of practicalities.

@onandon8

I will watch the Cornwall documentary, thank you.

Hastings is one of the most deprived areas in the whole of England, so not a great place to move if you are getting out of London partly to get away from issues caused by living in an area of high deprivation.

I have friends who left London a few years ago for similar reasons to why I want to. They chose Hastings and love it! Sadly it’s out of our price range.

There’s a lot to love about Hastings. Massive inequalities is not one of the things to love about it, though. Do your friends who live there have teenaged children, yet, @onandon8? And are their children state or privately educated?

Have you thought about going to work so that you could pay for private school?

If you love Lewes, have you looked at Rye?

Also have you looked at Westgate on Sea, Birchington and Broadstairs in Kent?

Westgate Is close to Margate but very pretty, with blue flag beaches, Victorian canopied shops and a lovely independent cinema. I love it there, it’s my Kent seaside day trip place, glorious beaches, good value shops and free parking.

There’s a lot to love about Hastings. Massive inequalities is not one of the things to love about it, though.

But where doesn’t have problems of some sort? Even if a place does have its issues, it doesn’t mean you can’t live a good life there. There’s no such thing as an area with absolutely no problems. I just think my part of London has more than its fair share.

thepeopleversuswork summarises it well.

The OP wants a different life but is focusing on that, rather than on what she needs to do to make it a possibility. I wouldn't be happy relying on my husband to provide the life I want (and I don't think it's fair) - I would be looking to see what I needed to do myself to make it possible in terms of my job etc rather than Rightmove daydreaming.

Have you thought about going to work so that you could pay for private school?

I’m keen to get back to work - but not sure my wages would ever stretch to that!

@Mixingitall thanks for the information!

@didireallysaythat I have actually said several times on the thread that I’m keen to work.

@onandon8

There’s a lot to love about Hastings. Massive inequalities is not one of the things to love about it, though.

But where doesn’t have problems of some sort? Even if a place does have its issues, it doesn’t mean you can’t live a good life there. There’s no such thing as an area with absolutely no problems. I just think my part of London has more than its fair share.

@onandon8 - well you see, that is where I think you are going wrong: you know the problems with where you live, but know far too little about the places you are thinking of moving to, except for having a knee jerk reaction that nowhere can possibly be as bad as where you are now!

@Mixingitall

If you love Lewes, have you looked at Rye?

Also have you looked at Westgate on Sea, Birchington and Broadstairs in Kent?

Westgate Is close to Margate but very pretty, with blue flag beaches, Victorian canopied shops and a lovely independent cinema. I love it there, it’s my Kent seaside day trip place, glorious beaches, good value shops and free parking.

YY to all of those places mentioned. If you aren’t tied to London for work every one of those would be lovely places to live...

@Walkaround I agree I need to do more research, starting with watching that documentary on Cornwall perhaps. We’re at a big crossroads and there’s a lot to consider.

Thanks again to everyone who’s made constructive suggestions on this thread. I’m going to chat through all our options with DH tonight.

I thought like you OP then I watched that documentary and I’ve changed my mind. Look at Seaford. The secondary school is outstanding. Lewes is lovely but property is expensive. Both those places have trains into brighton so fab for teens.

@WotWouldCJDo

I recommend Bridlington.

🤣

A truly stunning beach, when the suns shining and the tide is right. Some nice villages nearby.

But suffers from rural depravation, highly seasonal (if any) work, shite transport links. Oh and crap schools.

And I LIKE Brid! (Dont live there but used to have Family there)

@Muchadoaboutlife will do, thanks! And that’s a good point about trains to Brighton for the kids.

Where roughly in London are you OP?

Why don't you consider zone 4 as a compromise places like new malden, Raynes park or Sutton lots of designer jobs and easy commute to Guildford on the A3

OP I live in Cornwall and have previously lived in London. I understand what it's like to feel over London. I think if you are serious about moving you really need to look into getting a job. I think it's unfair to expect your husband to fund a move that you solely want. Cornwall can be a tough place to live, trains to London are a joke, you could fly but there have been issues with that being reliable. High paying jobs are rare. It is beautiful but there are issues.

Westgate is also a village with a train station. It’s close enough to Margate to catch HS1 though.

We were put off Kent due to the 11plus.

Have you ever been to Hurstpierpoint in Sussex? It’s like a mini Lewes. It’s close to Brighton and just off the a23. It has a laid back creative vibe and is on the South Downs for great walks. Little independent shops, a fabulous primary school and an outstanding senior school in Hassock. It’s also close enough to Sutton to see family and friends regularly.

@onandon8 fab that you want to work - maybe defining the job you want would be useful to help you decide where you need to live? After all it would be a shame to have to move twice?