So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

Thanks @Myglorioushairdo - good to hear a positive experience! I think I'm just exhausted and spent by city life - the noise, the constant people around, feeling that you always have to be alert. It's very tiring.

Lockdown has also removed many of the positives that city living has to offer and we barely have any outside space either. If I had a house with a big garden I might feel a bit different - but unless you're very well off, where do you find those in London?

@onandon8 and those people trying to convince you that it's not nicer anywhere outside London are probably those who also secretly wish they could make the move.. Don't buy their arguments. Its doable and its nice as long as you're willing to sacrifice some things..

@onandon8 funny enough we had a huge garden in London. Shit area, small house but a massive garden 😅 It did make it bareable for quite a few years, but the reality hits you as soon as you walk out if your front door.. The dirt, pollution, chicken bones on the pavement, grazy people shouting at each other.. You know what I mean..

I would love a big house with a big garden by the sea in Cornwall. No idea how to get one for a £500 a month mortgage though - unless I had a lot of equity in a Property that made lots of profit.

unless I had a lot of equity in a Property that made lots of profit.

We have a good deposit - it won't get us a big house with a big garden, but we could get a terraced house with some outside space.

Myglorioushairdo

“Those people who are trying to convince you that it’s not nicer anywhere outside London are probably those who also secretly wish they could make the move.”

Er, nah you’re good thanks.

I’m not saying the OP shouldn’t move out of London. I’m just pointing out that running to a seaside town because it’s pretty on a summer bank holiday and expecting all the problems to evaporate isn’t really a solution.

@onandon8

Go to the Stroud valleys

Again I’m sure it’s lovely but not my cup of tea. I want to be a 10 minute walk from the beach.

There's beaches in the south east, commutable to London.

@onandon8

So basically if you don't want your child to get into drugs, don't move to a seaside town

But most kids who live in seaside towns don’t do drugs. And what about the gang culture in London?

Honestly, seaside towns are rife with it. You would be better moving to a smaller city by the sea than a small seaside town.

I agree with a pp that somewhere like Canterbury might suit... commutable to London and countryside and seaside relatively close.

Essex or Suffolk? Surprisingly fast into London.

Cornwall might be very appealing for the current circumstances as a place to live and it's a great place to visit, holiday in or retire. Given all the advantages of living in a city, particularly a big city, are not there at the moment (less commuting, concerts, theatres and shows, top restaurants, museums, bars and nightlife, big sporting events on your doorstep etc) - and the disadvantages are more apparent in terms of space etc - then it's suddenly a utopia.

It's a seasonal place. Great and lovely in the summer and with the weather, but there's not really anything going on during winter. A nice place to hibernate in if a quiet life is what you want, or you're just ready to retire. It's very remote as well, your hours away from any big cities.

Not read the full thread, but don’t write off Kent. We moved from London to Folkestone and love it. We have friends in Cornwall and out of the two I definitely think it is better for the children to be raised here as there is far more for them to do, plus London is still less than an hour (and only a quid on the train for them) so we often take the high speed in. Best of all worlds here with countryside, beautiful beaches and access to Europe for city breaks..
I know Whitstable pretty well too and although it is a bit more “polished” and on paper closer to London, actually practically Folkestone is a better bet...

Honestly, seaside towns are rife with it. You would be better moving to a smaller city by the sea than a small seaside town.

The problem with many seaside towns is rank poverty. They've been left behind by the package holiday and there's no industry left. They're desolate places during the winter and hence a breeding ground for drugs and dodgy characters.

Absolutely not, when I see the posts on here of flats for sale for half an million in London that would get 40k here if lucky I cant believe it. London is very, very unappealing to me for all the reasons you stated. I love living by the sea and in a place with affordable housing.

It is fine to be fed up of your life.

Maybe DH is fed up of being the sole earner? Maybe he would be fed up of moving to the middle of nowhere with a precarious situation in terms if work.

Don't make plans for your life until you get the bill payers permission is about the size of it.

Well not permission but agreement

It's a bit premature to house hunt and suggest new homes

Reading the comments, I’ve almost made my mind up to compromise and look at places in Kent and maybe Essex.

You could check these out:

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-81343858.html
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77397535.html

Definitely no needles, hobos, the place isn’t overrun with tourists and there’s zero tat on the seafront. Waitrose, lots of independent shops and even a Michelin guide restaurants. My MIL and some of DH’s work colleagues live there (commute to London) and they all really rate the area.

Cornwall is great for younger children and for people who are settled in their jobs and can work remotely but not for teenagers and those who want a career.

needles

Needles on the beach - really? That’s awful and puts me off Kent

I have lived in London for 20 years, and in the country.
I would say the problems in London are in a completely different league. Not even comparable.
Those saying that county lines and drug taking is an issue in rural or coastal towns and cities are probably not taking into the consideration the sheer scale of the knife crime in London, the gang culture is prevalent everywhere and is getting worse, robbery is a serious problem that can crop up regularly with school aged children travelling to and from school, moped robberies have been rife, and the general atmosphere is constant vigilance.
We are in London a lot, dh works long hours in the city - and quite frankly I am stressed whenever we have to stay there - everything needs thinking through, and I have to be on it at all times, even when the kids were small. It is worse now they are older and need independence.

So I would say anyone raising children esp teens in London, it is hard work! And worrying about them in a way that simply does not apply to elsewhere. Perhaps Glasgow - potentially a few other places.

I would leave op, your blood pressure will go down if nothing else. Having said that nowhere is comparable to London for opportunity and creativity - but it is at a price.

Oh thank you @JoJoSM2 - they look lovely!

@Ihaveyourback

I have lived in London for 20 years, and in the country. I would say the problems in London are in a completely different league. Not even comparable. Those saying that county lines and drug taking is an issue in rural or coastal towns and cities are probably not taking into the consideration the sheer scale of the knife crime in London, the gang culture is prevalent everywhere and is getting worse, robbery is a serious problem that can crop up regularly with school aged children travelling to and from school, moped robberies have been rife, and the general atmosphere is constant vigilance. We are in London a lot, dh works long hours in the city - and quite frankly I am stressed whenever we have to stay there - everything needs thinking through, and I have to be on it at all times, even when the kids were small. It is worse now they are older and need independence.

So I would say anyone raising children esp teens in London, it is hard work! And worrying about them in a way that simply does not apply to elsewhere. Perhaps Glasgow - potentially a few other places.

I would leave op, your blood pressure will go down if nothing else. Having said that nowhere is comparable to London for opportunity and creativity - but it is at a price.

Living in London I don’t recognise this at all. Not vigilant or stressed. More likely to be in a park with dc surrounded by runners, dogs and good coffee. Where do you stay?