To ask what’s the most toe curling OTT boast/showing off you’ve heard from a parent about their child?

[Rainbowb]

Just seen a FB post from a mum friend boasting about her 9yo daughter doing online dance and gym sessions via zoom and practising for her 11 plus complete with picture of said child sat at her desk and smiling for the camera. Hope the child gets time to chill out now and then! Mum obviously needs us all to believe her daughter is a high achiever! It was so cringy though and I wondered if anyone else out there was biting their lip at stuff like this?!

Oh dear your poor extended family...

I see it all the time it is quite cringe but my mil does like to talk about her ds my dh that he was walking before 12 months reading early etc says it all the time .
Not that I'm playing down his urm achievements but he's hardly ended up a member of Mensa so I'm not sure why she likes to pass comment on her dc who's in his late 40's like he was some sort of child genius.

She was very boasty about me- to other people. To me she called me a horrid little brat and said she had no idea what she had done in a previous life to deserve me. To others it was endless boast. very wierd. And damaging.

My mother did the same with me. I concluded that she wasn't actually proud of me for being me, but liked the cachet that having a daughter at Oxford doing medicine, then a daughter who was a doctor gave her. Like some kind of validation as a mother.

As it was that Oxford graduate and doctor daughter ended up in a totally destructive relationship because she thought she was pointless as a human being was totally irrelevant to her. In fact she blamed me for leaving that relationship because my partner was "from a good family and it would have been a good match" for her to boast about to her little disciples.

I tell my adopted teenagers everyday that I love them and think they are amazing, but I have no doubt that to the rest of the world they are unbelievably average, but hey, that's fine. They are secure, resilient, supported and loved and that's the main thing.

When people start boasting about their children doing very ordinary things I do wonder whether they are like my mother.

So, am I meant to keep quiet about my grandchildren's achievements then?
It sounds like you haven't quite mastered the difference between being proud of a child's accomplishments and boasting tbh.

The 'so I should never say anything' reactions is a bit of a giveaway. Only people who are boastful seem to think criticism of boasting means the world expects them to never say anything.

Boasting: excessively proud and self-satisfied talk about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities

Boasting is not the same as expressing joy at something DC or DGC have done.

Absolutely Lola. “We are so proud of X he’s worked so hard and got into x grammar” great.

“X really is marvellous his French in particular he was told he speaks it like a native also so sporty he played in defence last season and his teacher said....” ad Infinitum as listeners eye the exit and develop an unfair dislike of X...

Popping back to add: the parents who tell me that their child is so extremely gifted, will need extra work, how can they POSSIBLY cope in mainstream...have a bang average or mildly weak child. Happens every time. The legitimately gifted (who are rare) never seem to come with these helicopter parents.

I always make a point of telling these types how their child is performing in line with the expected norms (and if they're weak, that'll come up too). It's an interesting little quirk I've noticed over the years.

I have a colleague who seems to think that everybody is jealous of her because she has a 'pretty little girl' named Penelope.
Apparently another mum in the class told her that Penelope is the prettiest girl in the class.
She constantly compares Penelope to her brother's daughter, Hattie. How funny it is that Penelope thinks that Hattie is as pretty as she is. How awful that Hattie's mum thinks that Hattie is as proficient at gymnastics as Penelope.
How her friend is nasty to her because Penelope is prettier than her daughter.

I honestly think it is some kind of mental pathology on my colleague's behalf.

No kid will ask for sushi over pizza

Not true. Dd will pick sushi over pretty much anything (except laska).

But she wouldn't be daft enough to request sushi when she'd been served pizza.

@LolaSmiles

So, am I meant to keep quiet about my grandchildren's achievements then? It sounds like you haven't quite mastered the difference between being proud of a child's accomplishments and boasting tbh.

The 'so I should never say anything' reactions is a bit of a giveaway. Only people who are boastful seem to think criticism of boasting means the world expects them to never say anything.

Boasting: excessively proud and self-satisfied talk about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities

Boasting is not the same as expressing joy at something DC or DGC have done.

Probably the same people who don't understand what Performance Parenting is and shout loudly about how it's talking to children and should they just never speak t them

@MsTSwift

The best sorts of people are those who are truly excellent at something and don’t let on. My ex got chatting to a guy at a party in the 90s who just said he was “in a band”. Ex then commiserated how hard it was to earn a living in music. Found out afterwards the band he was in was Massive Attack 😁

Yes I agree. My H and I were chatting to a lovely guy on our table at a wedding once. We asked what he did and he said "oh I work in a bank" and immediately asked us about ourselves. Later I mentioned him to the bride. Turned out he was an actuary for Morgan Sachs!

@m0therofdragons

I’m all for lovely positive fb even if they’re a bit boasting but the one that got me was the parents evening brag “so proud of dd, her teacher told us she’s the loveliest and cleverest dc in the class.”

1. I don’t believe a teacher would say cleverest and 2. My dd was in the class so that’s an insult to my clearly satanic dc. For the sake of keeping the peace I didn’t comment.

I can't tell you how many times I've said something like "Timmy is very bright, and at the expected age for English" - to find out said mum has boasted to other mums "Timmy is the best in the class at English" 🙄

Oh yes, there's always one or two who do that.

We have a set of parents in our school who use the same wanky phrase at every parent teacher meeting since the child joined us. "Our challenge to you is to show him a challenge" - have actually changed that for privacy but the correct phrase is even worse This is a very academically average child who is plenty challenged with routine class work.

I think the parents expect us to be blown away by their cleverness but every year the teacher nods sagely and then goes into the staffroom where we all break our bollix laughing at them. Every bloody year like!

I am very proud of my grandchildren, and yes, I do boast about them to friends.
The people I tell about my grandchildren's achievements are other members of the family...I do expect them to be interested. Some of them are definitely showing poorly concealed jealousy, not boredom

So is it friends or family then? It's both isn't it? In fact, it's anyone who will listen. It's definitely boredom, sorry. Well done to your GC for getting that scholarship but your family already know and your friends don't need to hear it more than once.

@SionnachRua

Oh yes, there's always one or two who do that.

We have a set of parents in our school who use the same wanky phrase at every parent teacher meeting since the child joined us. "Our challenge to you is to show him a challenge" - have actually changed that for privacy but the correct phrase is even worse This is a very academically average child who is plenty challenged with routine class work.

I think the parents expect us to be blown away by their cleverness but every year the teacher nods sagely and then goes into the staffroom where we all break our bollix laughing at them. Every bloody year like!

Yes!! The ones who want to shove their child's genius down my throat are usually the ones blind to the fact that their DC is very average academically (and there absolutely nothing wrong with that). The humble parents who take a quiet pride in their above average children end up having happier more well rounded DC, IME

@OrigamiPenguinArmy yes but your little sister saying that was treated as an amusing party trick. She wasn't put on Instagram for the world to see to help mummy make a political statement (the accompanying caption made this very clear) and she wasn't forced to perform in order to get sweets. This child is. Very like a seal arf-arfing and bouncing a ball on his nose for a fish.

I remember my aunty being very proud that my cousin was the top girl in the class, until my cousin told her that actually she took the tops off the milk bottles for the rest of the class.

"I am very proud of my grandchildren, and yes, I do boast about them to friends."

Grandparents do boast, that's accepted and most people make allowances for that.

My son was musical, I remember being with my mum once after we'd attended a school concert and she said to someone, "My grandson writes his own songs; he wrote one called 'Pink Floyd By the Wall'.

Cringe. It was funny though.

Nobody takes notice of what the grandparents say.

Overhead at the play gallery section of our local gallery, mum talking to her friend about her young toddler:
"Shes so clever, she knows all the shapes and colours" theatrical sigh "I just dont know where I can take her from here really"

@LeglessGiraffe

A mum in a facebook baby group I'm on is constantly boasting about how her 5 month old baby can walk and talk. Of course she can't get any photo or video evidence of these improbable events because she wouldn't dream of using her phone around her PFB as they deserve her undivided attention at all times, and that's probably why they are so much more advanced than the other babies whose parents don't care so much about their development

I’m genuinely freaked out by the idea of a 5 month old baby trotting about, chatting away...”Mother! Would thou be so kind as to pop ones breast out, I fear a voracious hunger has become upon me”.

I know one too. Her child (teenager) got the best result in the whole class-again! She also never argues with her mother.
I probably shouldn't let it annoy me, but I know quite a few people struggling with kids who aren't 'perfect' and I find blood starts boiling reading these posts.

My dnephew was walking at 8 months and sil was sad he’d moved out of baby stage so quickly. It was really amazing but agree didn’t boast. It’s not like it’ll go on his cv.

Mil has an interesting memory of dh being potty trained by 6 months. Yeah right! She also used to go on and on about how beautiful dd was and how she looked just like dh... my dad posted a picture on fb of me age 2 and mil thought it was dd because she actually looks like me so now boasts that she gets her academic side from dh even though dh pointed out I did better than him (very marginally). Her boasting is hilarious.

I like modest people. My mother was once cheering on some of the boys in her class while she worked briefly at a small fee paying school. An elderly chap beside her was also cheering on the school team and mum and he had great fun together. She thought nothing of it until just before full time a discreet cough came from a chap who had appeared in front of the elderly man and he said" Sorry to disturb,my Lord, but your car is here!". My mother was mortified that she hadnt known!

I've just remembered. I used to take my toddler to a music session that a friend of mine ran.

There was one mum who was a musician and had a lovely voice. We all knew this because she insisted on harmonising very loudly with everything from 'Twinkle, Twinkle ' to 'Jumping Bean'.

Apparently, her wonder child (called not quite Mozart but the name of a very well known classical musician) couldn't bear not hearing harmonies in music because his ears were so musically attuned.

Said child seemed quite happy trying to stick the end of a frog shaker up his nose, but what did I know?

In primary school, my DS' class entered a creative writing competition

A few parents posted on Facebook that their child had won the competition and their work would be on sale in good bookshops up and down the country

Turned out to be a scam. All work submitted from our school was included in one book, only containing work from our school

A local Mum boasted after parents' evening that the teacher had all but said to start saving for Oxbridge tuition fees. Child in junior school