Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find that “I’m an empath” actually means I’m a complete attention seeker

276 replies

Covidchameleon · 12/11/2020 21:32

Ok I’m being bitchy. And grumpy. But have seen this twice today used by completely people to completely justify being a drama queen.

To be fair in general - I tend to find that anyone who self proclaims them self as any personality type then tends to proceed to be irritating.

OP posts:
blackgerbil · 13/11/2020 00:51

I think people who describe themselves as empaths tend to have undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. The description of an empath is very like the description of a BPD sufferer, but the empath websites make it sound positive while the BPD websites are very negative.

throughawindowdarkly · 13/11/2020 00:52

I agree its not something to shout about yourself. Also you don't know whats going on inside other people. Someone might seem really tough and no nonsense but be really sensitive and perceptive underneath a tough exterior. So its foolish to think you are special just because you happen to feel things very deeply or be sensitive. Its just another way of being human and not uncommon.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/11/2020 00:53

I had a friend who'd cry and suffer insomnia every time refugees were featured on the news.

Has she ever visited the Sistine chapel?

NaturesEnd · 13/11/2020 00:53

Doing exactly the same as telling like it is blah blah. Just because you don't agree with people doesn't mean their point of view is invalid. It's always the same.

You are allowed a point of view because you are grumpy and right Hmm
Everyone else is an idiot and wrong. Get a grip.

NaturesEnd · 13/11/2020 00:57

You are being an attention seeker, ooh look at me I agree with the mainstream of everything, never had an original thought in my life, give me cookies.

justilou1 · 13/11/2020 01:02

Fuck yeah... as soon as I hear those words, I translate it to “I am going to turn on the waterworks to avoid accountability at every turn” and tune out.

danascully96 · 13/11/2020 01:07

Oh my gosh, thank youuuuuuuu!! I am so cynical that I would naturally assume I possess normal empathy levels because my emotional range is all I’ve ever known! At any rate, I would never crown myself as an “empath“ even if I were convinced that I had higher empathy levels. It would seem exceedingly narcissistic and silly, so I’d be mortified at the thought.

It’s mushy, Hallmark nonsense that makes us feel special. As a historian, I often remind myself that I am no different from most people throughout history. This is how I remain vigilant — by not soothing myself with notions that I’m uniquely pure-hearted.

No, instead one should be keenly aware of how easily they devolve into evilness if our in the right situation rather than dull our sense with sugary compliments. Because before we know it, we befall the same fate of those who’ve come before us who allowed others to suffer when they were not standing guard against their darker selves.

Ultimately, how can anyone truly say they are an empath? We all like to think we’d be heroes throughout history or in our imaginations, but most of us are bloody normal. That’s why the term “normal” exists. If someone tells me they’re an empath, it signals to me that they cradle their egos a wee bit too much and sing to themselves in the mirror unironically.

Thank you for this post, OP. I tend to secretly berate myself for being such a curmudgeon toward “empty’s”, so I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

Also, to whomever criticized this thread for being a bit harsh, we shouldn’t mistake strong analysis for wanton cruelty. It would help everyone if we hemmed in our sails from time to time and worked toward self-improvement.

danascully96 · 13/11/2020 01:09

My apologies for the typos — I was impassioned Blush “our” should be “put,” etc.

Stripesnomore · 13/11/2020 01:28

I think the problem with it is the idea that empaths find other people’s emotional states draining and difficult.

Everyone feels like that! It is hard work caring for other people. It is difficult and challenging and stressful. People get burnt out by it.

That’s what life and love are. It isn’t supposed to be easy to care about the well-being of other people and feel their pain. We all find this difficult; we just try and mask our own difficulty and distress so that we can focus on the person the events are happening to.

Lillygolightly · 13/11/2020 01:39

I would never in a million years describe myself as an empath. I would say that I’m quiet intuitive in regards to people’s feelings and I’m also sensitive to the atmosphere of a room, but so are lots of people.

I think though like a previous poster owing to a difficult childhood I’m quite hypersensitive to the moods of others. I’m also completely deaf in one ear, so because of this I find I read peoples faces/body language a lot. So when I say I’m intuitive, what I mean is I often get a gut feeling about people. This is useful but also a complete pain in the ass because I can completely dislike someone for seemingly no good reason, and it makes me feel terribly unreasonable and guilty, as if I’ve not given them a chance. I’m always polite and never rude to someone because of this, but I do hold back and tend to keep my distance.

I would also say I’m not emotional or one to cry, yet if I watch a sad film, read a sad post, hear of a close friends struggle etc I will tend to well up over it, or shed a few sympathy tears. When it comes to myself I’m not dramatic at all, and despite having been through some tough shit, I don’t cry about it, I sort of tend to keep it all to myself. I’m not one to discuss my own struggles, but always happy and willing to listen and support other people’s. I think this makes me strange, kind of like I’ll feel more for others than I would myself, almost like I’m shut off. I think this probably down to the fact that if I thought or felt as in depth for myself as I do for others I would be opening a huge can of worms, so it’s probably some sort of self preservation or coping mechanism stemming from childhood.

What I do hate and do find intensely fake and irritating is those who flock around to support someone, not because they actually want to support that person, but for the sake of being involved and privy to the drama/gossip/attention and looking like a good person themselves.

Grief thieves are another awful annoyance, there were several of these around during my mums fight with cancer, and then at her funeral. I was just a teen, and so many of these same people promised so much support, told my mum she’d never have to worry about her kids because they would be there, wailed loudly over her death and guess what....after the funeral never heard from a single one of them again!! Funny that!!!

So yes I think there are genuine empathetic lovely caring people out there, but there is also an awful lot of pretenders.

CounsellorTroi · 13/11/2020 01:44

I’m an empath. I’m a member of an empathic race from the planet Betazed.

Stripesnomore · 13/11/2020 01:47

That makes a lot of sense Lilly. There are definitely people who are much more intuitive and so are a good judge of character. That to me fits more with the abusive childhood issue - people with experience of abusers can often spot an abuser, even when the person seems superficially charming. I would say that isn’t about being able to sense a mood - it’s about being able to see behind the mask, being able to see what is coming two months down the line when the mask drops.

That is about intuition rather than empathy.

TaraR2020 · 13/11/2020 01:58

@ZoeTurtle

I can see an Empathy makeup line.

Maybe she's born with it... Maybe it's make believe

ROFL
laudemio · 13/11/2020 03:28

I dont know anyone that even discusses these things!

ineedsun · 13/11/2020 06:23

@Stripesnomore

It’s normal to pick up minute changes in body language and tone of voice. That is most of how humans communicate.

Feeling responsible for changing it is compassion not empathy.

This is really not true. You'd like to think it was normal but most people don't notice these things and certainly don't care enough to be bothered by it.

I don't know if an empath is a thing but I do know that if the things that people are claiming as normal actually were, the world would be a very different place.

Doingitaloneandproud · 13/11/2020 06:30

Wow talk about a pile on and some responses are so rude. I don't really understand what an empath is other than emotions; I'm sure on charmed there was one.. but anyway I have a friend who says she's one. I just don't ask what it is, it sort of gets thrown out in conversation then doesn't go anywhere if that makes sense. Maybe she's waiting for me to ask Shock

RockStarMartini · 13/11/2020 06:39

It doesn't need a special label Don’t you lot realise nobody means anything in today’s self obsessed world unless they have a label to proclaim how special and different they are from the rest of us?

Don’t get me started on sapiosexuals, they’re all over OLD. Cos obviously the rest of us are purely interested in a six pack or big boobs and don’t give a toss about brains 🤦🏻

Justreadingtheforum3 · 13/11/2020 06:42

@KittCat

Yes...usually narcissists!
100% this. This has been my experience too.
Whererainfalls · 13/11/2020 07:03

@ZoeTurtle

I can see an Empathy makeup line.

Maybe she's born with it... Maybe it's make believe

Oh, bravo!
closetalker · 13/11/2020 07:06

My pet peeve is posts saying things like "When you learn you can't give all of yourself to people who only take" and "When you finally put yourself first, you realise how many users were in your life" etc - invariably by people who were bullies at school and still nasty as adults.

It's like if you're on a date and the man keeps saying "I'm a good guy" or "I'm too nice for my own good." If you are one, you don't need to keep banging on about it. Or posting a low res, fuzzy quote about it on Instagram.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 13/11/2020 07:08

I'm working alongside a new group of people this year. So far have heard "You're only being honest, babe!" This was to someone who made an unnecessary nasty comment to another. It seems being "honest" is just a free pass to be a complete bitch.

YouShouldLeave · 13/11/2020 07:08

I feel this way about people who call them selfs ’open minded’, they are the most closed minded people you’ll ever meet.

NewAndImprovedNorks · 13/11/2020 07:15

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe

YANBU, I'm pushing 60 now and have learned over the years that when anyone tells you what they are like, you can pretty much guarantee they are the opposite.
Absolutely agree.

“To be honest”
“I am really too kind”
“I am not a cheater”

It’s like advertising isn’t it? The bit they have to TELL you about, is the bit they are trying to lie about.

Oblomov20 · 13/11/2020 07:21

Millennial speak for self absorbed twat.

Bluesheep8 · 13/11/2020 07:21

The point I'm trying to make is that in my case and probably many others it's not something that they do on purpose, believe me I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Totally agreed. And anyone who truly is one would never mention it. From a lifetime of experience they're too busy worrying about everyone else's feelings to actually voice their own.

Swipe left for the next trending thread