AIBU to feel judged for being Male and collecting DD from school.

[CollieChase]

Have been working from home since March, during this time DD has started a new primary school, as working from home I do 90% of drop off and collections and have noticed that none of the other female parents will interact with me, best case I may get an awkward “hello”. Should my partner go they are more than happy to introduce themselves, and chat away.
Thought it might be something personal but have observed the same happens with all the guys.

Do ladies judge, or feel uncomfortable about a guy waiting at the school gates for their child?

Is there a concern that we’ll read too much into polite conversation?

Is there an assumption we are ‘a layabout’ to have the time available to do the school run?

I'm very bland (looking)not 'and'.

@Youarenothere

Im quite chatty and friendly with most people, over lockdown there have been more dads picking up from nursery. I regulate how much I chat to them as I don’t want them (or the other mums) getting the wrong idea. I know this isn’t really fair on the dads and I can see they get a lot less interaction than the mums, but honestly it comes from a lifetime of social conditioning about how to act as a woman, ie the constant balancing act of being yourself (smiley friendly chatty etc) but without ‘leading men on’. Is quite sad really but just the reality.

I agree with this

I'll chat happily to any of the dads that I know, but I might be less likely to strike up a conversation

They probably just think they can bond easier with other mums.

My DH does the school pick ups these days. He has struck up conversations with some of the mums (and dads). But he is chatty and outgoing and wouldn't just hang around waiting to be spoken to first. Hadn't met any of them before September but now has little stop and chats with three or four of them. I do too, in the mornings when I drop off.

I wouldn't bother striking up conversation if someone looked unapproachable. It's a lot to do with body language I think.

With school pick ups I have never seen this as a problem. In some places cliques form quite quickly, and it may be you are unknowingly outside of some of these. The school gate can be a surprisingly difficult environment. My advice is to simply ignore. Where I have seen a bit of an issue is with SAHDs. SAHMs do appear more reluctant to engage and invite a SAHD around with their kids.

@TeachesOfPeaches

I'm wary of speaking to dads as I'm a single parent and wouldn't want their wife getting the wrong idea.

Ditto. I’ll only chat to my kids close friends’ dads, it just feels awkward otherwise.

I'm wary of speaking to dads as I'm a single parent and wouldn't want their wife getting the wrong idea.

This.

Also, I’m scared of men. Manage at work but not socially.

Arcehry Annie is not talking abou being centre of attention, he,s talking about having a conversation. I don,t get it So many saying he is being unreasonable yet then say i wouldn,t talk to you so he is not being unreasonable is he?

This. Accurate.

Dad is clearly trying to navigate school norms and trying to ensure he’s not making women uncomfortable by trying to be friendly and make the effort with other parents.

The problems he’s posed are VERY real situations probably that he could think of, I’ve not at all read it as ‘he thinks he’s important’ he just wants to make bloody friendly conversation with OTHER parents and as the majority of us are women, he’s just asking where he’s going wrong and effectively should he even bother and he’s getting berated by some.

Just don’t bother OP. Although I think the get the puppy idea is a good one.

@june2007

Arcehry Annie is not talking abou being centre of attention, he,s talking about having a conversation. I don,t get it So many saying he is being unreasonable yet then say i wouldn,t talk to you so he is not being unreasonable is he?

This is what I mean by ‘this. Accurate’ I definitely agree.

A few dads at ours and they’re generally chattier and less cliquey.
It is a bit weird at our school tbh unless you know everyone else. Quite difficult to get to know everyone else tbh, esp. if you’re shy. But being a bloke is not a problem at all.

Nobody gives a shit OP, sorry.

I'm sorry you feel this way. It may be that you're a man, or it may be just some of those women being cliquey. No school will be exactly the same.

Maybe they're just not a talkative bunch. We have a good mix of mum, dad , grandma, grandad older siblings, childminders I smile & say good morning but I dont chat to anyone. I learned my lesson the 1st & 2nd time through primary school. Smile & wave but dont get involved.