AIBU to feel judged for being Male and collecting DD from school.

[CollieChase]

Have been working from home since March, during this time DD has started a new primary school, as working from home I do 90% of drop off and collections and have noticed that none of the other female parents will interact with me, best case I may get an awkward “hello”. Should my partner go they are more than happy to introduce themselves, and chat away.
Thought it might be something personal but have observed the same happens with all the guys.

Do ladies judge, or feel uncomfortable about a guy waiting at the school gates for their child?

Is there a concern that we’ll read too much into polite conversation?

Is there an assumption we are ‘a layabout’ to have the time available to do the school run?

Nope as a mum I wouldn’t judge because my partner always does one school run a day too depending on what hours he’s doing.

I do the other one and I actually find the dads on school run are nicer than the mums. Quite a few dads do it here too.

It does make me chuckle though. There’s a lady opposite who makes me chuckle. She’s quite old school. She won’t miss a school run even if her husband is home and able to do it she has to do it as their mum. Their choice of course but I love only doing one school run a day!

DH used to do the school run due to my working hours. He said it was difficult some times.

The worst time was on a school trip when parents had to accompany their children. All DS classmates went off in 2’s & 3’s with their parents all chatting together leaving DH & DS to spend the whole day alone

Some people are just unfriendly pricks

I am so happy that I can now legitimately dump n run and in sunnies and a mask absolutely don’t need to give a fuck any more

No, theres loads of dad on the school run and more now as so many are either furloughed or wfh.

As for the social side, well that's a minefield for mums at the best of time. Lots of mums hate the school run because of it

It's about 50/50 at our school from dad's to granddad's and male childminders (which we used when I was working full time and collected our children.)

If this is how you feel I think it's a shame because you have as much right to be there as a mum. One of the parents i speak to most is a dad, I'm friends with his wife but we kind of have our own friendship now too.

I'm wary of speaking to dads as I'm a single parent and wouldn't want their wife getting the wrong idea.

There's plenty of women on the school run who are blanked by other mums so I don't think it's anything to do with being male

I prefer talking to the Dads at DC's school as the mums have formed a rather exclusive clique, which I was initially part of before I realised it was a clique and they were intentionally leaving other parents out. The Dads IMO are easier to talk to and far less bitchy (I do not speak for all playground mums here, just my experience)

At my son's school no one chats much at all, it isn't a male thing, you've just been unlucky with the bunch you've got! My sons last school everyone made an effort, we went on nights out, supported each other with emergency child care. This new school, nothing. And I'm female. So it's not a male thing

Are you remarkably handsome?

Loads of dads pick up at my son's school. Must be near 50:50. I'm female and the only people who speak to me are people I already knew from his nursery. I think social distancing doesn't really help with that.

Parents in our school loosely congregate in groups according to their children's friendship groups...because those are the parent we interact with most.

Male or female makes no difference unless you're my anti social husband

You're over thinking this...unless your playground has the dreaded cliques - then quite frankly women are just as likely to be excluded because acceptance into those circles is based on arbitrary criteria at best.

My Dh used to get the same reception as you CollieChase. I worked full time, he was the at home parent. Even our next door neighbour used to ignore him or utter the hi that sounded like it was forced.
They only chatted to me if Dh wasn't there. Wierd. I was glad when Dd went off to highschool.

I have the same - but I'm female. DH does most of the pick ups and drop offs and he has loads of friends.

I am anti-social and he is not. That's the difference.

No! We had loads of dads collecting from primary and that was pre Covid. No issue at all!

It’s interesting to see both sexes experience the same at times, and have considered the ‘gossip’ aspect. It’s quite a small town where everyone seems to know everyone.
Once socialising is allowed again will certainly persist with breaking down a few walls.

It's more common ime for men to be treated as heroes just for collecting their children! Plenty of male carers fetch the children round here and I'd say they get spoken to more so it may be how you come across?

Tbh when I do pick ups I just want to get home after a long day at work and when I do drop offs I'm usually in a rush to get to work so I keep myself to myself other than saying hello to people who pass.

Is this actually happening at schools at the moment? We're all queuing socially distanced, getting our child when it's our turn, then getting out of there. There's no hanging around outside the classroom. I don't even know who is picking up children from the same class.

It could be that they're cliquey. They may not want it to look like they're making a beeline for you. For what it's worth I often used to talk to the dads as they were friendlier!

I don't think it's sex/gender that has anything to do with this. My DH and I do about 50/50 nursery and school drop off and pick ups, he is a really chatty and open person and loves to talk to relative strangers and 'shoot the breeze' if you like. So people chat to him, he's on the parent council and the WhatsApp groups and all that and has always been made to feel very welcome by mums and dads alike.

I, on the other hand, am an introvert and have no interest at all in making small talk at the school gates, it's just not my thing. So nobody speaks to me and I don't speak to them!

It's not your sex, it's probably just your personality or vibe that's coming across,

People speak to DH more than me at pick-up! (He just has a friendly face I think, I'm much shier)

I'm sure no one thinks you're a layabout, most office workers are wfh atm.

It's not up to the mums to make effort with you, eg chit chat at drop off, it's up to you to make effort with them .

Haha, you’d have loved my DS’s old primary OP. The mums virtually crawled at the feet of the dads who turned up at the school gate. If you like it when women fawn all over you for being in possession of a penis then it’s definitely the school for you.

Me on the other hand, well they weren’t so friendly wth me. Lack of penis and lack of penis worship I guess.

My husband does the school run quite a bit as and when he can , there are lots of dads that do at our school ,all of them presumably arnt layouts as it's a private school ...My husband has made friends maybe make a bit of effort to talk to the mums/dad's that are parents of your children s friends x