SIL's kids always look immaculate!

[rabbitheadlights]

LC with MIL for lots of reasons not really relevant here, but every time we speak to MIL she makes a point of saying oohh" DSis sent a picture of the kids they always look immaculate" or ohh"saw gc's through the window, on a bus, at the end of the garden.... They always look so immaculate". For context my DC beer look immaculate unless within 3mins of them actually getting ready for the day, invariably one fallls and scuffs a knee, pulls their tights, squishes Jaffa cake all over there faces!!
It just feels like a dig?
I don't know why it's getting to me but it is, I probably need to get over myself don't I?

Beer = never ... Sorry

It's just a dig. Ignore it. The worst thing you can do is show any
reaction. If you look out for it with MIL you might see her subtly making digs at other people, it may be her nature.

Most kids look a bit of a state most of the time...and that's the way it should be, shows they are able to have a bit of fun.

My friends DC always look immaculate, beautiful little girls in matching outfits and always so clean and tidy, however they are not allowed to get messy and do things like messy play/paint/playdoh so I don't feel so bad!

It’s definitely a dig and being nasty on part of MIL.
I doubt SILs children always look immaculate, she’s just saying that they are to make you feel like an inadequate mother.

Got to feel sorry for the immaculate kids, probably too scared to get dirty.
Ignore MIL, if that's all she's got to dig at you're doing well.

A messy child = sign of a happy child! My DD (2.5) never looks tidy - she's too busy running around, off exploring etc. I'd rather that than have a DD who just sat and looked clean and pretty all day!

We used to live near a family of four girls who we (rather snarkily) branded ‘the person kids’ because they always looked so groomed and all their clothes were so neat meanwhile we were normal slightly scruffy kids.
Kids who worry about getting creased, mucky clothes have half the fun and double the anxiety.

Persil kids**

My 20 month old is encouraged to get messy, but I also change her clothes ~3 times a day. So after coming home from park she’ll get changed, after a messy lunch etc.

I think if your kids start and finish the day being clean you don’t need to feel inferior.

Before I had kids, next doors 6 year old came over to help me with the veggie patch. Her socks got very dirty and she was really upset and worried about being told off by her mum. I felt so sad for her. We had had a great time digging in the mud.

You say it feels like a dig, not that it is a dig so I'd examine why you feel like this. If you were confident in how you parent then it wouldn't bother you so work on feeling good about how you parent . If your kids are happy then concentrate on that

My niece and nephew always looked immaculate. They were never allowed to jump in puddles, get muddy, roll on grass etc.
My dc were often dirty but I like to think they had fun.

Which would you prefer for your dc OP?
When your dc grow up they’re going to remember their childhood for many reasons, being immaculately clothed shouldn’t be on the list. Having fun, feeling loved and being warm, fed and safe, that’s what counts.

It's a dig. Let it be water off a duck's back.

Some kids are just naturally less boisterous and messy than others and so stay cleaner for longer but it's not a value judgement.

Except where there’s obvious neglect, I’d never think of that as a plus.

We used to live among a lot of families from a certain Mediterranean culture, where most small children were typically beautifully dressed and not allowed to do anything remotely dirty or messy all afternoon, when their mothers were out visiting friends. I particularly remember one little girl sitting forlorn (in a pretty dress, white socks and shoes) on our patio while dds and another child were joyfully splashing in the paddling pool.
No, she was NOT allowed to join them. She’d already had her bath!
So sad.
I and other Brits (and a few others from different Northern European countries) ) were deemed bad mothers for not dressing our dcs ‘properly’ and allowing them to play with anything dirty or messy.

There was the odd exception, but most of those mothers were the same.

Some people have a gift for looking immaculate, I don't know how. When my kids were at school there was a little girl in reception, she was very outgoing and sports, played football at breaktime and raced around. The kids would come out at the end of the day, hair on end, knee socks round their ankles etc and she would come out looking exactly the same as she went in. I thought it must be witchcraft.

Kids with conkers in their pockets, scabbed knees and covered in mud and sandwich filling grow into the most interesting adults.
Rose on the Titanic wanted to break out of that contrained life for good reason OP. Start referring to your kids as a bunch of roses and smile, that'll confuse the MIL.

I’d ignore. But nothing wrong if you’re LC with saying “ah, X’s granny is so involved in her life, what a lovely family” etc. Two can play her game, if you feel like it.

My dc always look immaculate - for about 5 mins until they head downstairs! If we’re going to a party I change them at the last second and chuck them straight into the car. I know if I leave them downstairs for even a few mins, one will jump in the dog bed and be covered in hair, the other one will eat something which will more than likely end up smeared on their clothes. DD’s pretty good at staying neat but the boys can not stay clean. You should see the state of them when I pick them up from school! Usually a combination of tomato sauce, mud and grass all over their white polo’s!

As long as they look neat and tidy when they start the day, who cares what they look like at the end of it. Messy play is the most fun for them.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Except where there’s obvious neglect, I’d never think of that as a plus.

We used to live among a lot of families from a certain Mediterranean culture, where most small children were typically beautifully dressed and not allowed to do anything remotely dirty or messy all afternoon, when their mothers were out visiting friends. I particularly remember one little girl sitting forlorn (in a pretty dress, white socks and shoes) on our patio while dds and another child were joyfully splashing in the paddling pool.
No, she was NOT allowed to join them. She’d already had her bath!
So sad.
I and other Brits (and a few others from different Northern European countries) ) were deemed bad mothers for not dressing our dcs ‘properly’ and allowing them to play with anything dirty or messy.

There was the odd exception, but most of those mothers were the same.

See that breaks my heart. Just let kids be kids. I still love jumping in muddy puddles and I’m 40 😂

My youngest is always spotless and loves to be that way, full party clothes.

My 3 big ones look like nobody loves them

Either ignore or give her “oh no, bless them....hopefully they’re allowed to have fun and let their hair down at some point”

I was a child of the 50s, my mum used to say that she sent me out clean and tidy and I'd come back later looking like I'd been up a chimney.

Happy childhood memories of playing in water and climbing trees.

Do you have any contact with SIL and the kids? What are they like?
We have a family of girls on our school, always pristine esp on out of uniform day. So whilst lots of the girls are in leggings and jeans or comfy dress and tights they're in matching knee length socks with bows on, patent shoes done too a shine, little matching skirts and pretty frilly blouses.
It isn't practical wear for a 5 year old at school, she certainly isn't jumping in puddles and climbing etc and she looked bloody cold but presumably the look didn't work with tights. And frankly the eldest, matching her two little sisters, looked murderous.

So is SIL a bit prescious and the kids are always immaculate or does she scrub them, shove th on the car, parade them past Nanny JudgeyPants and then let's them go home and roll in leaves?

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER were about to emigrate to Spain and I know this will be me. The messy outcast 😂

Ignore her, she's making sly digs and the best course of action is to not show her that it's bothering you because anything you do say about it will be twisted back to make you look like the bad guy.

Some people have a gift for looking immaculate, I don't know how. When my kids were at school there was a little girl in reception, she was very outgoing and sports, played football at breaktime and raced around. The kids would come out at the end of the day, hair on end, knee socks round their ankles etc and she would come out looking exactly the same as she went in. I thought it must be witchcraft.

I have a DC like this! He is somehow dirt repellent and I'm not quite sure how. He can paint without getting a single drop on his hands or clothes. Eats without slopping. Never spills anything. Even when he does fall over he dusts off, carries on, and still doesn't have a speck of dirt on him.

The karmic trade-off is that I also have a DC who only needs to look at something messy to be instantly dirty. If there is paint, he'll touch it. Shirt often has dinner medals all over it. Randomly colours his hands in with biro. Can't pass a puddle without jumping into it with both feet. Mud is for digging in or sliding on.

I used to work in a Nursery ,and 2 little girls were always immaculate and dressed in beautiful Designer Outfits! Their Mum was always upset if any paint /play doh got on them .So straight away they were changed into old clothes kept as spares! Mum never knew and thought they had just been drawing /doing puzzles and so on.