SIL's kids always look immaculate!

[rabbitheadlights]

LC with MIL for lots of reasons not really relevant here, but every time we speak to MIL she makes a point of saying oohh" DSis sent a picture of the kids they always look immaculate" or ohh"saw gc's through the window, on a bus, at the end of the garden.... They always look so immaculate". For context my DC beer look immaculate unless within 3mins of them actually getting ready for the day, invariably one fallls and scuffs a knee, pulls their tights, squishes Jaffa cake all over there faces!!
It just feels like a dig?
I don't know why it's getting to me but it is, I probably need to get over myself don't I?

It's a dig but just ignore it.

The last concern on a DC mind should be keeping immaculate....it should be how fast can I climb that tree and will mum tell me off if I convince my little brother to pretend to be a cat all day yes ds1 I am looking at you and yes I will tell you off because there is nothing more irritating than a permanently meowing 4 year old

My DC can be straight out of the bath hair combed and dried in brand new clothes in a practically sterile room and the second I turn my back they look like stig of the dump. If anyone could get them looking immaculate then they are a witch.

Some people just find anything to feel superior it's not worth a response beyond an eye roll.

"Some people have a gift for looking immaculate, I don't know how."

I agree. I know kids like this - they could crawl out of a train crash looking pristine. My DS on the other hand always looks like one of those neglected children in the Barnardos ads, minus the sad face. Even straight out of the bath in clean clothes with his hair combed, he looks messy.

Some kids just seem to have a knack for staying neat too. My niece is like that. She can be playing outdoors with her cousins, do everything they do and still come in without a hair out of place and clothes in perfect condition. I've decided that it's magic

Much happier children get messy .It shows they can express themselves well.

I don't think it's a dig at you. It's just something she can't help but notice about them. Sometimes things stand out about people that you can't help but comment about.

My children never look immaculate - their clothes are faded too because they’re well washed . They have fun ,get muddy ,climb trees, still seem to drop half their dinner down them . They are happy though and aware of the world around them . Ignore the MIL .

I has one that was immaculate!
And then two who weren't 🤣

We once went to a farm park. All of us came out covered in the orange sand from the paths, and dd2 had fallen in mud and had grass strains on her clothes.
Dd1 (aged 5) had worn a white dress with sandals and filly socks.
Tge end of the day one of her socks looked a little bit orange on the end.
She'd done all and more dd2 and everyone else had.

I encouraged mine to get mucky

Now they’re a bit older I Make them consider what they’re wearing, take them clothes shopping and encourage them to care about what they’re wearing but they’re 7&10 and the mess naturally decreases

It's a dig. Ignore. Don't react.
I've learned to deal with people making digs about particular things by completing ignoring it. Basically being completely non-reactive. Some people will repeat the dig as they think you haven't heard... that proves it really was meant to be nasty. They get the same reaction the second time - no reaction.
I've found that if you never react to any repeated digs, neither positively or negatively react, he people who do it eventually get bored of trying to get a rise out of you and stop.

So what if SIL's kids are immaculate. It's not affecting you. Ignore.

some people (including children) look immaculate even if they are wearing an old unwashed coal sack.

Others (like me) can make designer clothing look scruffy and well worn.

Many years ago my parents took my uncles to a pantomime (big age gap, uncles were 8 and 10). They picked up two immaculate children, at the interval one of my uncles was his immaculate self, the other had a shirt hanging out, a scraped knee and messy hair.

My parents couldn't work out how he had done it sitting in a theatre.

It's a dig, ignore it.

Out of all the qualities someone can have kindness, compassion, sense of humour etc are more important than being immaculate.

Some kids are also quite 'clean' by their own choice. My DN is - since he was tiny he's been upset if there's anything on his hands etc, and as he got bigger (he's still only 3) it turned into a more general aversion about being 'messy' - if he got food on his top, he'd want it changed. My DB and DSIL haven't particularly encouraged this, and they do encourage him to do messy things (and he often won't). It seems to just be how he's made.

My own DS, on the other hand, is some sort of filth magnet. People on MN are always weirdly sniffy about bathing children daily, and I'm amazed they manage not to. DS can do something perfectly normal, like play in a playground, and look like a Victorian urchin after 10 minutes... If I didn't give him a bath before bed the sheets would be grey in the morning!

@CastleOfDoom

Got to feel sorry for the immaculate kids, probably too scared to get dirty. Ignore MIL, if that's all she's got to dig at you're doing well.

This exactly. I have 2 'immaculate' nephews. If they get dirty they are instantly worried and want to wash their hands/change clothes or shower.

My DC seem completely opposite and try to make as much mess as possible. If I changed them every time they got messy, it would be every ten minutes.

"That's nice", then change the subject.

I wouldn't be able to resist responding with "I'm so pleased that there's more to my children than how they look"

Otherwise I wouldn't even raise an eyebrow when she started spouting nonsense like this.

I have twins I can put them in EXACTLY the same outfit one looks ridiculously suave and put together and the other a complete scruff. It’s so cute. I love them both and certainly don’t think one is better than the other, it just who they are.

She is trying to annoy you though.

Oh you could have fun with this

'They do don't they? I do hope they get to have fun and get messy sometimes, I love seeing little kids looking as if they've really been out having a good old run around'

'Oh really? Again? Hopefully they do get to play and get messy sometimes, it's so important for their immune systems'

'Yes, she must spend so much time getting them ready every day! I hope she has time to play with them and relax, too.'

'Yes, must be hard work to keep them looking like that. I hope she can let herself relax sometimes too, it's healthy to let them run about and not hover, I find.'

Dig right back with a BIIIIG smile!

Ignore MIL. Don't think it personal my younger Dsis always looks immaculate like her DD, her home, her car, her hair she has always been naturally more organised and together than the rest of us siblings she is our Hyacinth. If anything I think it's a stressful way to live Dsis gets very upset if anything is out of place.

My DS10 often looks immaculate but that's just the way he is. Even when very young I would take all 3 DC to the woods & 2 would come home looking like they'd brought have the woods with them & his welly boots would maybe have a smear of mud but nothing more. He played just as much & climbed trees/explored just somehow stayed clean!

MIL might be having a dig or might just be surprised by it. I shouldn't worry though!

Others (like me) can make designer clothing look scruffy and well worn

Actually yes, me too - my DS didn't lick his scruffiness up off the ground.

The art of not giving a shit is very liberating OP, try it if you can :-)

My DCs just were not born to be immaculate.
For a start, they're very lean so to get the length in clothes, they droop off the shoulders or the elastic is yoinked in like a sack of potatoes to keep their trousers up at a half decent height.
Then their hair is stubborn and impulsive. DS1 has awkward cows licks and crowns that spiral off in all directions. He has it as a shoulder length bob to keep it heavy enough to obey gravity.

DS2 always charges and bounces around.
DS1 is more physically careful, but has dyspraxia. He can splat sauce behind himself. To just get out of the house, our morning routine deals with upstairs (so getting dressed first, especially as that's our biggest battle) then works its way to the front door... and once outside, the toothpaste or bean splats reveal themselves. At least school can see they have a different nutritious breakfast each morning

Recently DS2 emerged from school. I knew anout the Stone Age topic and he was amazed that I deduced that he'd been doing cave paintings with charcoal

I do not have immaculate children.

I always felt sorry for the children taken to a playground in grotty weather then set up to fail by being told don't do this, and don't do that.

@thehop, let’s hope not! This was quite a while ago now.,

It was the same with swimming - both our dds were swimming like baby dolphins by about 2 and a half, but tut tut, very small children were bound to catch cold or germs from the pool (it was blistering hot for much of the year) - we were irresponsible to take them.

In reality I suspect that most of those mothers were afraid of the water because they couldn’t swim. I would hope that things are rather different now.

I don't think there's necessarily that much link between 'having fun' and coming home tidy or messy tbh.
eg, DS1 used to prefer the blocks/lego and role play to the craft stuff at nursery, and on muddy and wet days they'd put them in nursery all-in-ones so he'd have a lovely fun day but come home pretty neat.
In the summer though he'd spend all day in the outside bit in just shorts and t-shirt and come home covered in soil/dust.

I would just ignore MIL tbh.

I would say good for them. I wouldn't let it affect me. Depending on how your MIL is, it could be an indirect remark. If you are satisfied with how you are dressing your kids up, then you should not let this bother you.

My mother in law makes digs like this and I've wasted so much time being anxious over her comments. Now when she says something snarky I imagine what she's really said is 'I feel insecure. I'm jealous that you are happy and I'm not'