SIL's kids always look immaculate!

[rabbitheadlights]

LC with MIL for lots of reasons not really relevant here, but every time we speak to MIL she makes a point of saying oohh" DSis sent a picture of the kids they always look immaculate" or ohh"saw gc's through the window, on a bus, at the end of the garden.... They always look so immaculate". For context my DC beer look immaculate unless within 3mins of them actually getting ready for the day, invariably one fallls and scuffs a knee, pulls their tights, squishes Jaffa cake all over there faces!!
It just feels like a dig?
I don't know why it's getting to me but it is, I probably need to get over myself don't I?

I would ignore her she's making a dig. Otoh my ds loves playing and messing about but he's always clean - no jaffa cake smeared face. If he gets dirty he just cleans himself up . He has always been this way though.

Try and turn it round and see it as a dig for SILs children. As in they look immaculate they can't be having any fun but your children are.
Even if she doesn't mean it that way you can chose to interpret it that way.
Or just ignore her.
Children who always look perfect don't look normal IMO
.

I don't think children need to look immaculate. Clean and dressed appropriately for the occasion is more than adequate.

I wonder what her definition of immaculate is though.

Another one who thinks it's great to see kids messy from happy play. Given how uptight I am in general, and so immaculately neat, many many people thought I'd be the same with my kid, but I encourage her to play / make messes / choose her own clothes etc. It doesn't matter - supporting her confidence and creativity is more important than her tops and bottoms matching, or her looking neat.
I'm from Asia where there was much more of a focus on looking nice, and behaving "properly" and it really meant I hated being around relatives and extended family - at least at home I could let loose and be happy.

If it's any consolation, "immaculate new clothes" would be looked down upon by some and considered "very working class". "Second-hand clothes and scuffed-knees" is considered more the norm among the upper classes.

I think the only thing you can do is to stop letting this get to you. If she says they look immaculate just agree with her or say ‘oh, that’s nice’. Don’t let yourself be drawn into it - it really doesn’t matter at all.

It’s definitely a dig and being nasty on part of MIL

Oh please. Everything a MIL says is a nasty did to paranoid MN'ers. Its just a comment. It's not about you. Not everything is about you

Tbf there is a balance. I know DC get dirty i wipe DS face and hands throughout the day. Him and his little friend get filthy the little friends mam never gives him or his brothers a wipe of a cloth during the day.
I do think it takes 1 minutes to clean his face snots and all.

Acknowledge it, it takes the wind out of their sails. Yes, I always think they look immaculate too or did they, how lovely. End of conversation.

I'm wondering if she says the same to her.

My mantra was always that "a dirty child is a happy child".
Fine to dress up for photos, but if they are always immaculate, they can't be having much fun.

Dd's nursery has had to put into their written policy that 'children have a right to get dirty' because of parents complaining about mud/paint/whatever on their children's clothes at the end of the day.

I can imagine a few generations ago dirty clothes must have made a mother's heart sink, seeing as washing was hard labour and a lot of people only had 'one to wash and one to wear', but we have washing machines and fancy washing powders these days FFS.

My kids dressed themselves since the age of three. I still cringe when my dd(4) comes out with me. Her normal attire is - pajama bottoms, tutu skirt, t-shirt, dark red school fleece and wellies. Also with the obligatory food stained face. She also has wild long curly hair which is a full on battle to let me near her with a brush.

The ONLY time she looks washed, preened and spotless is on a Sunday night when I’m allowed to wash her hair properly and she’s about to get in bed

Sigh

It's a dig! I'd say (admittedly very passive aggressively...) "Oh yes, they do look smart. Pity mine are scruff pots, but at least they know how to have fun!" but I'm a bit of a bitch and I can't be bothered with family digging like that anymore!

As for mucky kids, my children would come out of a swimming pool looking dirty, I swear!

For school I got so sick of binning ruined socks that I have stopped buying white anything, it's grey or black school socks and red school polos to mitigate the worst of the marks, french plait the girls hair so they don't come home with twigs in, and cross my fingers they aren't bad with food but they do play exuberantly which I think is a good thing!

[quote GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]**@thehop, let’s hope not! This was quite a while ago now.,

It was the same with swimming - both our dds were swimming like baby dolphins by about 2 and a half, but tut tut, very small children were bound to catch cold or germs from the pool (it was blistering hot for much of the year) - we were irresponsible to take them.

In reality I suspect that most of those mothers were afraid of the water because they couldn’t swim. I would hope that things are rather different now.[/quote]
Was it Italy? We spend a lot of time there (my parents spend about half a normal, non-Covid year there) and the horror of children getting cold is extraordinary - it's very clear that they think we're appalling parents for not having DS in a coat in September. I have a memory of swimming in a beautifully warm sea with my dad and seeing an Italian family all wearing puffa jackets and hats pointing at us in absolute horror!

Yeah it's a dig. But she is expecting you to start arguing how your children are messy and happy. So bear her in this game and reply with 'I know, aren't they adorable!' or similar. She can't actually argue with it, can she..

@CastleOfDoom

Got to feel sorry for the immaculate kids, probably too scared to get dirty. Ignore MIL, if that's all she's got to dig at you're doing well.

My thought exactly, next time she comments say along the lines, Yes, poor chidren, on show all the time rather than enjoying themselves, some mothers do use their children like a new handbag.

My thought exactly, next time she comments say along the lines, Yes, poor chidren, on show all the time rather than enjoying themselves, some mothers do use their children like a new handbag.

Definitely don't do this - there's nothing to be gained from sinking to her level if it is a deliberate dig (and maybe it isn't!) and why slag off SIL? She hasn't done anything wrong!

My kids are always scruffy, always have been scruffy and always will be scruffy. They’re also bright, assertive, individuals who will have a go at anything, makes me proud.

I’m suspicious of families with perfectly turned out kids, it seems these little models are an extension of their parents egos. Kids need to learn by doing how by doing and that can get messy. Picking out clothes for your kids is also bad parenting, kids need to explore who they are and learn judgment, doing everything for them teaches nothing.

Have a dig back, ask if they're allowed to do anything on their own or have any fun. In fact why not post you muddy kids with smiles on their faces, life’s too short to worry about mud.

My Mum is a hairdresser and she used to spend ages doing my hair every morning- much to my dismay. She’d plait it and add little bows and pretty headbands and scrunchies. I always, without fail, left school looking like I’d been dragged through a bush. She found it extremely frustrating and just couldn’t fathom why I never seemed able to just look tidy. I just enjoyed running around and having fun.

I think messy children are happy children unless of course there’s neglect involved.

Mine's always the muckiest kid (drives me bonkers cos I'm dead fastidious, me). No matter how much effort I put into clothing If any child comes home with a coating of mud on knees, paint smeared on face and all over hands, nails that look as though they've been digging in a bucket of mud (which they probably have) and hair standing on end, it will be mine!

I cannot STAND passive aggression, to the extent that I won't turn myself into something I despise just to make a point against a petty in-law. A PP has it right. People who behave like this have some form of insecurity that you, for whatever reason, bring out in them. No matter how tempted I'd be to get her a thesaurus for Christmas with a tab-marker strategically inserted under the entry for 'immaculate', I'd smile at her pityingly and ignore it.

It's the kids character partly. I have twins, one always looks immaculate. Her hair stays put all day and her clothes fit properly and she doesn't get messy. Her twin sister on the other hand, hair looks like it's been dragged through a hedge minutes after being done, everything she eats ends up all over her and her clothes always look scruffy somehow... Its bizarre. Fwiw my scruffy one is a much better sleeper and not a fussy eater at all ( unlike her twin) so on balance an easier child... Swings and roundabouts!

I don't think the MIL is necessarily having a dig, she's just making an observation - like PP have said, some children always happen to look tidy/neat.

However - I think some of that may be down to the parent. We had a neighbour whose DD always looked like something out of Little House on the Prairie, with perfectly braided hair and everything. She truly looked gorgeous at all times, and her mother clearly took a lot of pride in how she was dressed. We didn't know them well - but we knew they'd split up and the mother had moved out when we suddenly saw the same child dressed like stripper (wildly inappropriate hot-pants for an 8-year old, tiny tops - and awfully knotted hair that hadn't seen a brush all weekend). Presumably her father did it deliberately to piss the mother off! I think balance is the key - along with allowing children to get messy/untidy/dirty sometimes...

I was one of those kids who always looked like they had been dragged through a hedge backwards. It didn't matter what my Mam did, I ended up looking a tip 5 minutes later.
I enjoyed playing outside digging in the soil so I spent most of my childhood covered in dirt. I had a happy childhood.
I still can't manage not to look a mess. I do make an effort and I look nice when I go out - but it never lasts long. After a couple of hours I look a state again. Don't know what it is really!

Children are meant to get muddy. Dont worry about it.