Used to be a stripper in my past and now want to foster

[anxywait]

I had a troubled childhood, i fell into the sex industry of working as a stripper as a way to get out of my circumstances. Im Neither ashamed or proud. It was part of my past and who i am today. Im now happily married, settled with a child of my own. Me and my husband would love to foster children, should i be honest about my past employment during the application process. I worked as a stripper for 8 years for context so for a long time and only stopped after meeting my husband and going back to uni so it was rather a big section of my life.

I don't have much experience but I would absolutely be honest with them. Technically stripping is a perfectly legal job to hold (although I have a dim view of men who frequent strip clubs thats my personal opinion), it would surely be completely wrong for them to stigmitise you for earning money in a legal way and presumably paying tax which the government would have been happy to take. On the other hand lying by ommission and then getting found out would look really bad.

Thank you, thats really helpful and that was my thinking... i wouldnt want to be found out. I just know a lot of people would question the morals of someone who worked in a place like that, it was during a bleak time of my life but i cant honestly say that i regret it... it allowed me to escape some bleak circumstances buy property ect and it brought me to this stage of my life where im settled, happy and secure.

I was a foster parent few years ago. What matters in my opinion is how you are now.
Being a stripper does not make you a bad person or a bad parent. What can you offer to foster children? I'm sure you can offer loads.

I met some foster parents who could not understand how the parents of the children got their lives into a mess, they simply did not understand poverty.
I think you would be great foster parents.
If you have no convictions relating to being a stripper (I can't see how you would have) it should not be essential to mention it but a gap in your life might be noticed

How thorough is the employment history they take ?

Unless they specifically ask you to list every single job you have ever done, I am not sure why it is anybody's business but your own. It's not illegal, so I don't see why "disclosure" is required, tbh.

I would be inclined to be honest because it’s the kind of thing they might find out anyway, so it’s better to be upfront. In my view it’s not something you should be judged for, and it certainly doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be a fit foster parent. I expect (or at least hope!) they would be much more interested in your life now than your life in the past.

Just tell the truth when asked. It’s all you can do.

Does the application process require you to list your employment since you were 18? What do you do now?

You shouldn’t be judged for it, but whether you will be is a separate question sadly.

I would be honest, but I have never done this myself, so no idea of what they check.
The question is that you do have your own experience of having a troubled childhood, and now have a settled life. So for me you are in a better position to help a troubled child than anyone else.
Best luck

The application process asks for you to list your past employment, this has been my only 'employment' as such... i done that for 8 years and bought 4 properties that i now rent out. So i receive income from that and my husband has a well paying job. I have never had a job since...

Be honest , lying or omission will be too stressful in this situation. Good luck.

Apart from anything else it might be difficult to account for how you got the money to buy property if you have had no other employment. It is a job like any other presumably undertaken in licensed premises and producing an income that was taxable... Can't see anything wrong with that.
I would see a problem with lying tho...

I work in fostering and I would say absolutely you need to say about it. It’s not like a job where you can just not include things; if you don’t say about it and then it comes out later then it could have a significant impact on fostering in the future as honesty is expected from foster carers. It also forms part of your life story and any decent assessing social worker will pick up on the gap and your reluctance to talk about a section of your life. There are foster carers with a range of backgrounds including those who have used drugs. It is frequently people who haven’t had great childhoods who either become social workers or foster carers because their childhood makes them want to give other children better lives.

Be honest - did you pay taxes etc because I have a friends who dd worked in the industry and was paid paye so if so they can tell! I think your experience will help not hinder

From a social work point of view I’d be interested in how long you’ve been out of the industry and what you’ve been doing since, what took you into it in the first place and how you understand that time in your life now. I’d also be exploring your understanding of exploitation in the sex industry (regardless of whether you felt exploited), because I’d need to know you could identify exploitation of others. Children and young people in care are hugely vulnerable to exploitation, so your views and experiences here are relevant and important. The more open you are and the less defensive you are in talking about it the better.

Children in foster care come from very disadvantaged, traumatic backgrounds and if you saw the sex industry as an escape for you I’d need to consider that you might see it as a way of escape for those young people too. I’d also want to have an idea of how you might respond if a foster child asked about it or indeed wanted to become a stripper themselves.

It’s not about being ashamed of any of your life choices, but understanding who you are now (for better and worse) as a result of those experiences. I’d definitely disclose it, and I’d expect it to be to subject of discussion but I wouldn’t expect it to disqualify you from being a foster carer necessarily.

I'd be honest, but if you are worried, maybe you could say you were an "exotic dancer" or even an "entertainer".

I'm sure your candour will be appreciated, and possibly even a plus as a possible indicator of being broad minded. I would imagine that you had to be ready for anything and able to handle potentially awkward situations.

@anxywait

Thank you, thats really helpful and that was my thinking... i wouldnt want to be found out. I just know a lot of people would question the morals of someone who worked in a place like that, it was during a bleak time of my life but i cant honestly say that i regret it... it allowed me to escape some bleak circumstances buy property ect and it brought me to this stage of my life where im settled, happy and secure.

Foster parents need to be from a wide range of backgrounds. You’ve done nothing illegal, so why should it influence your chances? Be open, be honest and be proud of how you’ve ended up now! Good luck x

I picked the wrong career obviously !

State on the form what you’ve done. You should be proud of what it got you, & where.

I’m sure you’ll bring a wealth of life experience to the role - all the best with your application.

I wouldn’t question the morals of woman who work as stoppers. I would assume there were reasons that they were doing it.

Part of your background could be why you might make an excellent foster career? You might be better placed to spot children who are making poor decisions.

I suppose I would refer to it as a dancer as opposed to stripper.

You sound as if you have a lot to offer to foster children. I would definitely be open with sw. If it comes out later, it will be the end of the road for you.

My experience with sw is that they are very open unless you have done something violent or illegal. You have done neither. I know people who are recovering alcoholics, who are now (amazing) adoptive parents. You just need to show that you have reflected on it and thought about what impact it might have. Good luck!

Agree with previous, much better if you’re honest than it being found out at a later point. As you’ve said, you wouldn’t be where you are today without it Best of luck

It shouldn’t be a issue, we’ll done for doing something so challenging and rewarding, lucky kids 💓

I would say dancer and entertainer/host at a club.
In my opinion ‘stripper’ is going to cloud their judgement.

I would say dancer and entertainer/host at a club.
In my opinion ‘stripper’ is going to cloud their judgement.

Lying or massaging the truth would cloud my judgement much more tbh, it suggests there is something to be ashamed of and I’d wonder what else the person was hiding. A decent SW will asses the whole of someone’s circumstances and there’s bits in there that would be very relevant in assessing someone’s suitability to foster children that I’d want to discuss. Dishonesty is the worst option in this situation.

Didn’t you get a job recently OP? I remember your recent thread about waiting for the call