Used to be a stripper in my past and now want to foster

[anxywait]

I had a troubled childhood, i fell into the sex industry of working as a stripper as a way to get out of my circumstances. Im Neither ashamed or proud. It was part of my past and who i am today. Im now happily married, settled with a child of my own. Me and my husband would love to foster children, should i be honest about my past employment during the application process. I worked as a stripper for 8 years for context so for a long time and only stopped after meeting my husband and going back to uni so it was rather a big section of my life.

Bought 1 property outright, 3 are mortgaged with tenants paying them off. I was earning on average of 11k a month working 6 nights a week for 8 years. Properties in my area are also fairly cheap with 2 of my flats costing just 65k.

I was fostered by a very high up person who then abused me so I'd take you as an ex stripper who cared for me, fed me, clothed me and was kind over them.

Amazing!

Always be honest. A wide range of people from a diverse range of backgrounds become foster carers.

Approach the Local Authority LA and also a couple of independent fostering agencies (IFA's) and be completely honest.

Good luck.

Sunshine sending love 💕 so awful that anyone would go into a profession meant to help children and then abuse it :(

I know im a good, kind person who could offer a child a loving and stable home. Im also super committed because of my childhood and think every child deserves someone who will never give up on them!

*You did not declare all of your earnings. You diverted some of those earnings away from HMRC so that you could buy four houses instead of three. You cheated the public purse. That is our money.

You may be a suitable foster parent. You may be truthful. However, when you are sitting with those children in the GP surgery or A&E, you will always now remember that you have a debt to repay*

LOL

I would say dancer on the form if they need a detailed employment history.

Not strictly a lie.

For what it's worth, being a stripper wouldn't change my personal opinion of your ability to parent/foster

Good for you buying 4 properties out of it. You must be one of the few that made it work for you, and got out - well done xx

Put dancer on the form. If they sk what type just say exotic. Cant see it being an issue imo

I agree about being honest and upfront is best, you sound like a lovely person best of luck for your fostering journey

1. Were you employed legally or cash in hand? If latter, no record and therefore no need.

1. If legally employed, presumably your were actually a “stripper”? Although that might be what you did. A waitress? A sander?

1. I don’t think it would matter anyway

Just be honest. It's a non issue. The assessment process is super in depth and they will ask you about every little detail of your life. But they are looking for real people. With real life experiences. I declared previous mental health problems, trauma, etc. If at all was seen as a positive as have gone through some of the same stuff the kids/teens I'll be looking after have and came out the other side.

Cannotcope thank you but you might be surprised... i know quite a few who have invested money wisely! Only of my close friends is also an ex dancer and was the one who advised me on property and investment. She owns a million pounds worth of property and is crazy sensible with her money and always has been!

I meant dancer not sander

I am a foster carer and I don't think they would be bothered. We have to listen to a reformed drug taker give speaches on making sure our foster.kifs don't take drugs. What they are looking for are people who have a stable lifestyle and can offer a stable home to children who have no other home. Also you would be able to empathize with some of the teens who have gone off the rails and point out there is s better option available to them. Good luck. If you need help with application form pm me.

@JingsMahBucket

OP has already admitted not declaring all of her income for tax purposes. Then tried to dilute that admission down. Tax avoidance is theft plain and simple. There are plenty of honest people earning average earnings and wealthy people earning more than the £132,000 per annum that OP earned and they are paying taxes.

The OP wants to come on here with clean hands and nobody has an issue with the stripping. I have an issue that was very clear from OP's posts that she did not declare all her income to the taxman. As a result OP has four houses one of which was funded by tax evasion. That is theft.

You should be proud of what you’ve achieved. Hold your head up high.

But it wasn't funded by tax evasion at all.. i put my money into the bank and declared it through my accountant. I needed to have the cash in the bank for deposits for my property and you cant put large sums of cash in the bank without declaring it and paying tax. Jesus.. i think your anger would be better directed at the billionaires of the world who reside on camen islands to avoid tax paying not me who paid for my asda shop in cash that i hadnt declared.

The fostering process isn’t an application form or a CV, the assessment process is a series of meetings over the course of a few months where the applicants history, childhood, parenting, work life etc is very fully explored. Being anything other than up front is unrealistic without being downright deceitful.

Foster carers look after some of the most vulnerable children in our society, it’s important that the assessment considers the choices they’ve made in life and the learning from those. It’s also important applicants are able to talk about the more challenging, embarrassing or difficult parts of their life because they’ll need to have some very challenging conversations with the children they care for - we don’t just lie, cover up or deny the tough bits.

I’d have much more issue with someone who lied about being involved in the sex trade. If it came out down the line the foster carer could reasonably expect to be removed as a foster carer.

Well, I fully admit I’d be tempted to say I’d inherited money, and bought properties. People don’t tend to delve into inheritance.

You, and many on this thread might not see any stigma in stripping, but unfortunately the world isn’t always such a kind and logical place when it comes to this stuff. I think this is one area where total honesty is overrated.

I’d feel no guilt in skimming over this time in my life, and consider the details private. I can’t for the life of me see how these details would be directly relevant or important to an application to foster. I agree it may well make you a better foster parent, but it won’t help you get the job. My conscience would be fine with the decision not to disclose.

This ‘total honesty, at all times, to all people’ is not always a good idea, in my book. I doubt mine is a popular opinion though!

Jesus.. i think your anger would be better directed at the billionaires of the world who reside on camen islands to avoid tax paying not me who paid for my asda shop in cash that i hadnt declared.I

So it is OK for you to not declare your income for tax purposes so that you have more in your pocket when you go to ASDA? That is tax evasion, as I said. You cannot point to your houses and say they were honestly bought. It does not work like that. You decanted profits away from HMRC so that you could both live and buy even more property.

Then you come on here seeking solace in being honest, but in fact you are a tax evader by your own admission. I have no need to compare you to a resident of the Cayman Islands, I can compare you to any one of your neighbours who shops alongside you in ASDA who paid all their taxes in full before they entered the supermarket.

How much of the £132,000 each year did you not declare? I suppose you would say your 'shopping money' was just a grand or two will you?

Tessiot neither me or my partner have ever received a penny in benefits, our family has private health insurance via his work, i had to pay for my higher education, our child will go to private school and my partner is in the 45% tax bracket now. Also paid taxes on all properties... i dont feel im a drain on society. Have a lovely evening!

I can’t for the life of me see how these details would be directly relevant or important to an application to foster.

You don’t understand what’s involved in fostering then. As a social worker I’d want to know - these children are in local authority care which means the local authority have a corporate parenting responsibility for them. Some of them will be removed from homes with parents involved in the sex trade, and it’s a fair challenge to ask why we’d remove them from one such home to go to a foster carer who has past involvement in the sex trade. The assessment explores what has changed and provides a good basis for answering that challenge.

Fostering isn’t like any other job, you’re raising children on behalf of their parents and the State, your private life is to some extent of public concern in as much as it potentially impacts the children placed with you - for better or worse.

Would you be happy for your child to be given to a former stripper to raise them, with no exploration or assessment of that part of their life? I imagine you’d want to know what took them there, how they experienced that part of their life, whether they might support your child into the sex trade as a means to escape their disadvantaged past. The fostering assessment asks those questions of potential foster carers.

You could put Cabaret Dancer?

How about a middle way for your child, call yourself a “dancer” until they’re old enough to understand the world. This isn’t a lie and when you tell them the truth I think they would understand the white fib.

Tell your hubby the truth. Lots of us have done jobs we’re not proud of ( I sold Timeshare and double glazing, personally I think that’s less moral than striping). If your hubby has a problem with it that’s on him.

Be proud you got out of a bad situation and you now have a family, you’re a true fighter. You have no reason to be ashamed.