Used to be a stripper in my past and now want to foster

[anxywait]

I had a troubled childhood, i fell into the sex industry of working as a stripper as a way to get out of my circumstances. Im Neither ashamed or proud. It was part of my past and who i am today. Im now happily married, settled with a child of my own. Me and my husband would love to foster children, should i be honest about my past employment during the application process. I worked as a stripper for 8 years for context so for a long time and only stopped after meeting my husband and going back to uni so it was rather a big section of my life.

*whether they might support your child into the sex trade as a means to escape their disadvantaged past.

Any child that i was fostering, i would be supporting them, i would be their escape of their disadvantaged past with my constant support and unconditional love... they would never be in the dire position that i was in to make that choice, id never encourage it but i still believe it wasn't a bad decision for me at that time.

Working in the sex industry alone would never be a reason for a child to be removed from their parents care.

there is a fostering forum on mumsnet. maybe post there for some additional info from those "in the business".

There are plenty of 45% taxpayers who receive nothing from the State and fund all their health and education costs. There are plenty of higher rate and basic rate taxpayers who do the same. There is nothing special about doing what the law requires you to do.

What you are unable to accept is the double standards you have portrayed on here. Nobody has an issue with your stripping. It is perfectly legal. The person who has the biggest issue with that is you. Otherwise you would not have been here.

But when you did come on here you played the 'honesty' card. In the process your story unravelled and you have shown yourself to be dishonest. You did not pay all your taxes and that is the illegal part. Now let's be honest here. It was not an innocent mistake but a deliberate evasion of taxes by you to accumulate more houses.

You may be a great foster parent. However you are dishonest and a tax evader. It is not for you to decide when you have paid enough tax and can stop contributing.

Honestly @anxywait ignore Tessiot. S/he is really just trying to rile you up for no reason. It's not worth responding to that poster at all.

@Tessiot

So you either name changed to post on this thread
Or joined mumsnet solely to post on this thread

Either way... invested much?

Nothing to add apart from you go girl! I wish I had of had the confidence to strip for 8 years to buy properties..... Amazing!!!!!

S/he is really just trying to rile you up for no reason

Not at all. The OP is making her case for advancing her life around her being honest. I am never going to give OP that benefit because by her own admission she has built her wealth around dishonesty accumulating more houses by not paying tax. Even now OP cannot be honest about that. Instead OP is suggesting she is above the law.

Working in the sex industry alone would never be a reason for a child to be removed from their parents care.

It’s often part of the picture - and the sex industry spans a huge spectrum and yes there are times the involvement is so risky that children might be removed.

they would never be in the dire position that i was in to make that choice, id never encourage it but i still believe it wasn't a bad decision for me at that time.

You can’t say that confidently say that, foster children have ongoing contact with their birth family and unless permanently placed the aim would be for them to return to their birth family. There may be circumstances you have no control over which might make them think it’s a good option or they may be groomed into it.

It’s not about you being ashamed of you past or thinking it was the right decision for you - it’s about your capacity to support a range of children who may have much less positive experiences of the sex industry and how you understand that time in your own life.

It’s not in itself a barrier, but lying about it would be.

@anxywait please listen to the people on this thread who are social workers/work in fostering. They are the only opinions you should be taking from this thread because they actually know what you need to do.

Other people are well meaning but some of the other advice has been misguided.
Ignore the tax twat too, it's an entirely separate issue.

You need to be honest during the assessment and not try to cover anything up or sanitise things. It's far more important that you have reflected on those experiences and have good insight into this.

OP I am a children's social worker not a supporting social worker (to foster carers) but if you really feel you can do this and want to then go for it! I have friends who have adopted and fostered, the assessment is intrusive because it has to be. Do not lie.

Your past does not mean you will not be an excellent foster carer but you will need to be open about it, reflect on where you ended up and what changed. Everyone has a past, it is how you have managed that and how things changed.

Also, I am not not sure what age group you want to be assessed for, but 'on paper' perfect carers do bot work for our older children. Moving a troubled inner city tween/ young teen to some rural fantasy with time to bake, get into outdoor hobbies, fresh new start etc. is far too traumatic for them. This is not the life they are used to and too much quiet so allows the trauma they have experienced to dominate their brains before they are ready.

Talk to people, get advice. It is not easy and I really admire those who can do it. It is not like the movies or the media portrayal of fostering. It is bloody hard. But when a match works you change a life.

Everything we do in life shapes how we are now. We have experiences and then we either grow from them or stand still. Looks like you have grown.
How you earned your money is not to be ashamed off - it's not drug dealing or child trafficking.

Your experiences will help you to ensure you can protect the children in your care.

Plenty of people with "respectable" jobs are convicted of child abuse, so your past employment makes you neither good/bad - honesty is best policy.

@Soontobe60
Couldn’t agree more...hear, hear! 👏

@anxywait

The application process asks for you to list your past employment, this has been my only 'employment' as such... i done that for 8 years and bought 4 properties that i now rent out. So i receive income from that and my husband has a well paying job. I have never had a job since...

Im in the wrong job. .

I would be honest, as I think lying would go against you. You have done nothing wrong you have got yourself an amazing life, and I think you are the perfect candidate to Foster having a troubled childhood your self and turning your life around..

I think your past would be a great asset as a foster parent. You would have a greater understanding of the difficulties and challenges some of the children face, and are a great example of coming out the other side. Frame it as a positive life and character building experience, not of something to be ashamed of (which of course it isn't)

So bloody what if someone was a stripper/exotic dancer?! It is not an illegal form of employment. Two of my dearest friends did that for work for years and they're not ashamed at all. They made a lot of money and enjoyed it, working and moving all over the country and it enabled them to travel round the world on their income. One even did a summer in America as a kids camp counsellor using her stripping income.

Good luck with the fostering!

Also OP, you are hopefully at a place which means you can be pragmatic about the reason a young person has been place in the care of the LA. I have students at the moment who, whilst good on many levels, are just so judgemental of parents and really struggle to understand why people find themselves in this situation. I have done this for many years so maybe it is normalised for me but there is also a huge increase in career social workers who go to uni at 18 and just want to progress to management.

It is never black and white and most young people will always still love their parents, will hold some hope things will change and experience on going disappointment. It is always far too simplistic and harmful to just be of the opinion that their parents did not love them enough to change. If you have the empathy to understand this and support a young person for which this is reality then look into fostering!

I’d also want to have an idea of how you might respond if a foster child asked about it or indeed wanted to become a stripper themselves.

I think that essentialy this is the main point for the assessment - especially based on the fact that you were very successful financially in this job, and as you say you don't regret it as a way to financial stability (great that you've invested in property so well - not many are that together/disciplined in young age!) - but I think they will want to hear that you still regret a 'moral' aspect of it / exploitative element of sex industry, and could convey this to a child if they raise the subject.

I’m not sure how relevant it is though ? I was also one . And it’s certainly not on CV
O would truly question the necessity and relevance

OP I'd pay attention to PP who have experience of fostering and the process involved rather than those saying it'll be fine with no experience of the system. It's not at all like submitting a CV, creatively renaming the job or trying to cover it up is not going to be a good or helpful thing. It's not like submitting an application and then attending a job interview, it's (rightly!) a long, invasive process as said above. You are far better off being honest and open about this, and all other matters, as you will be expected to discuss at length your past, present, future circumstances, experiences and decisions. It may or may not go against you depending on many factors, but it's surely better to be bluntly honest and get knocked back at the start if the case may be rather than go through weeks/ months worth of stress and processes only to be knocked back at a much later stage and feel 'outed' or 'shamed' if your LA will reject you on that basis.
Good luck.

anxywait, not quite the same situation as yours, but I was a foster carer and I'd been doing matched betting for the 3 years leading up to my application. It was my sole income, I was a single parent and it was a way for me to fund being a stay at home mum. I was worried it would impact negatively on my assessment. It didn't. But be aware, the application/assessment process is incredibly thorough and intense and there's no way you can hide what you did for 8 years. On the initial application form I had to list every single job I'd ever had, every single address I'd ever lived at, etc. They contacted former employers, not for a reference as such, just to ask if there was any reason they thought I shouldn't foster. And if you get through the assessment and go to panel, there'll be 10+ people in a room all wanting to talk about your application and I'm 100% sure they would ask you questions about being a stripper (for all the reasons Jellycatspyjamas has mentioned already). They absolutely grilled me re matched betting, it took up a large chunk of time during panel. So I'd say it wouldn't necessarily cause you an issue, but you'll need to be able and willing to talk openly about it. Good luck with it.

Nothing to be ashamed of, you earned money legally and have since improved your life. I think you could be very inspirational to a young person.

@CatAndHisKit

I’d also want to have an idea of how you might respond if a foster child asked about it or indeed wanted to become a stripper themselves.

I think that essentialy this is the main point for the assessment - especially based on the fact that you were very successful financially in this job, and as you say you don't regret it as a way to financial stability (great that you've invested in property so well - not many are that together/disciplined in young age!) - but I think they will want to hear that you still regret a 'moral' aspect of it / exploitative element of sex industry, and could convey this to a child if they raise the subject.

What makes you think they’d want to see regret about the moral aspect, what moral aspect? It’s perfectly legal and as for immoral 🤫

OP, just need to reiterate. Do not lie, do not down play it and be ready to have a frank discussion about it. Whilst I know there are crap social workers out there most will be empathetic and non-judgemental. All in a day's work, we will have heard much worse. So whilst I appreciate this is probably a part of your life you do not readily discuss and may be uncomfortable you really need to be ready to explore it. A social work phrase but 'open and honest', the problem is when we discover people have not been - even if the issue is not a deal breaker- we have to question everything else. Everything will be explored (including finances so tax dodgers tend not to become foster carers 😁).

I used to be a stripper, i am now a social worker. It has never crossed my mind that i am lying by not putting it on my CV or job applications.
I will be judged (ironic considering the job i now do). Its not relevant and i have alot of other experience that is relevant for the job i do now. For that period of employment i put down that i did bar work so there are no gaps.
I guess it was over 25 years ago and i did it abroad so easier to put less detail on the cv but i think even if you dont disclose it doesnt mean its something to be ashamed of. People have a history, the sex industry is complex, people do judge so be prepared to answer as many questions as you are comfortable with- i dont want to have to have 'that' conversation with my employer.
Whichever PP said you should regret it clearly has no experience of it. Yes it can be exploitative but not always and why should i regret something i did by choice to earn money which then gave me opportunities i would not otherwise have been able to afford??

Little are you a SW in a LAC/ Fostering/ Adoption Team? If so surely you'll know a foster carer is not applying for a job as a SW even applies for a job, what are you suggesting OP discloses about her 8 years? That she was in bar work? And keeps this up throughout the many interviews that want to know the ins and outs of her life? Fostering is not a job, it is far, far more than that and there are far, far more hoops to jump through than for a job.