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Original poster

Which sperm donor would you go for?

121 replies

wintersunlight · 09/11/2020 15:01

Yes, I'm asking total strangers something only I can decide but I'm very confused. Also posting here because I need to make a decision quickly!

I'm setting out to be a single mother by choice. Donor 1 is basically me; is introverted and likes the same things I like to do in my spare time. Sounds like a nice guy from his audio interview. Also (not that you can choose this, I know!) I'd like to maximise my chances of having an introverted kid.

Donor 2 is the kind of guy I have dated in the past; artistic, creative and extrovert (but constantly poor because it's all about the art). Crucially he's from exactly the same racial background as me and looks like he could be someone from my family.

Donor 2 has adult pics whereas donor 1 doesn't. Basically donor 1 ticks the personality boxes while donor 2 ticks the looks boxes. But for 2, I would have to get genetic screening first as he has a recessive gene and we need to make sure I don't have the same one. This would delay my treatment by a month and time is not on my side as I'm 42.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 09/11/2020 15:03

Donor 1

CallmeFP · 09/11/2020 15:04

Lightheartedly, id go for the looks.

You cannot and should not want to determine their personality, you should let go of those thoughts and appreciate who they are as you raise your child well.

mummyof2boys30 · 09/11/2020 15:08

No help but habing 2 children both are completely different in looks and personality wise. One is my brothers double and personality. Eldest is like his dad and different personality to us both

Greektome · 09/11/2020 15:08

Donor 2. You're introverted. I don't think that giving your Dcs 2 introverted parents is very fair on them, given you have a choice. Life tends to be more straightforward for non-introverted people. The looks thing is helpful too. 1 month is not a reason not to go for donor 2.
Of course, you'd need to be prepared to bring up a child who may not have the same personality as you.

Melonportal · 09/11/2020 15:09

Donor 1

Calmandmeasured1 · 09/11/2020 15:09

I'd like to maximise my chances of having an introverted kid.
Mmm, my only thoughts are that I don't agree with sperm donation, and that introversion is a bit of an odd choice of a quality you'd like to have replicated.

ZoeTurtle · 09/11/2020 15:10

I wouldn't. Have you read the long-term impacts for children born via sperm donation?

NameChange84 · 09/11/2020 15:10

My instincts were screaming 2 until I got to the genetic issue...

Jroseforever · 09/11/2020 15:10

Odd you make absolutely no mention of whether donor 2 option is kind, nice, thoughtful, decent, moral.

That would be my criteria

Boom45 · 09/11/2020 15:12

Is introversion genetic? I thought it was a largely made up thing
(Not the point I know but I'm not sure I'd base any choice on that)

SarahAndQuack · 09/11/2020 15:12

I don't think being introverted is an inherited characteristic.

Do either of them leave messages etc. for potential children?

We chose our sperm donor on the basis of those - we had a choice of three, and two banged on about their educational qualifications while the third talked mostly about his family and how he was glad to be in a position to help someone else have a family. He just came across as really kind and empathetic.

I am so glad we went for the third because now we have DD, I am cringing at the idea of her seeing the other two's profiles (as someday she will). Also (though again, I'm sure it's not inherited) she is herself a very kind and emotionally engaged little girl.

GroundAlmonds · 09/11/2020 15:13

Donor 1. Being an opposite personality type to your child can be hard work.

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin · 09/11/2020 15:15

Donor two, it really would be better for the child if they weren’t totally introverted, just easier on them.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/11/2020 15:15

I don’t think introverted is inherited. I think 2 would be easier if they look like you. No oh does dc look like his dad/is his dad blonde etc comments. You’ll just get oh they look like you.

Original poster
wintersunlight · 09/11/2020 15:16

NameChange84 - gene thing isn't an issue unless I have the same recessive one and then I wouldn't be allowed to choose him. A lot of people have recessive genes, it only turns into the condition if your partner has it too.

Jroseforever - he seems clever and laid back but slightly pretentious from his audio interview. I went on a date with someone a lot like him a few months ago - an impoverished artist - and realised I'm not into these kind of guys anymore as they always turn out to be quite self-centred.

OP posts:
Jroseforever · 09/11/2020 15:17

No I meant the one you dated!

Pukkatea · 09/11/2020 15:18

Could it be difficult for the child if they are born looking quite different from you? I would always say that shouldn't matter but if they are already not going to have one parent in their life, looking more like the rest of their family might be more important in terms of their identity?

Original poster
wintersunlight · 09/11/2020 15:18

GroundAlmonds - that's what I was thinking!

Although I have been reading introversion/extraversion/personality traits are not necessarily inherited...

OP posts:
ChinDiaper · 09/11/2020 15:18

If you were looking for a boyfriend and not a donor which one would you choose? That is your answer.

giletrouge · 09/11/2020 15:19

introversion is a bit of an odd choice of a quality you'd like to have replicated.
Well that's a negative view of introversion and I guess OP is glad to be an introvert and values the qualities of introversion, as do I and I'm one too, so I get it.

Having said that you know there's no guarrantee any of these things will be inherited by your kids so it's all a stab in the dark. For instance my second child (my two have different fathers), her father is also introverted and she's extremely sunny and sociable and easy with people so def did not get either genetically or nurturing-wise turned into an introvert by either parent.

Whatever you choose OP it probably won't work out the way you intend but here's the thing - you will love your baby in all likelihood and forget all the reasons you chose 1 or 2 because your baby will be themselves.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you. I think introverts make wonderful mothers (well, I would, wouldn't I?).

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/11/2020 15:19

I picked donor it based on his llovely voice on the audio interview and he was good at maths ( I'm terrible)
Children have turned out like me not him
All donors are healthy, good looking and bright so I d go for the X factor just something random like artistic or musical -but their are no guarantees
It's so weird isn't picking your baby genes off the Internet? Best of luck

EssentialHummus · 09/11/2020 15:21

What pukka said.

LividLaughLurve · 09/11/2020 15:21

Do either have proven pregnancies?

CounsellorTroi · 09/11/2020 15:21

I don't think you can ever guarantee that a child's personality will be a good fit to yours.

Original poster
wintersunlight · 09/11/2020 15:22

Thank you, giletrouge! That's a lovely way of putting it and yay for introvert mothers!

ChinDiaper - 1 is the kind of guy I probably should be dating (but haven't hence why I'm still single), 2 is the kind of guy I have dated and have now realised aren't right for me! From his adult pics, I do find 2 attractive.

OP posts:
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