Which sperm donor would you go for?

[wintersunlight]

Yes, I'm asking total strangers something only I can decide but I'm very confused. Also posting here because I need to make a decision quickly!

I'm setting out to be a single mother by choice. Donor 1 is basically me; is introverted and likes the same things I like to do in my spare time. Sounds like a nice guy from his audio interview. Also (not that you can choose this, I know!) I'd like to maximise my chances of having an introverted kid.

Donor 2 is the kind of guy I have dated in the past; artistic, creative and extrovert (but constantly poor because it's all about the art). Crucially he's from exactly the same racial background as me and looks like he could be someone from my family.

Donor 2 has adult pics whereas donor 1 doesn't. Basically donor 1 ticks the personality boxes while donor 2 ticks the looks boxes. But for 2, I would have to get genetic screening first as he has a recessive gene and we need to make sure I don't have the same one. This would delay my treatment by a month and time is not on my side as I'm 42.

Any thoughts?

Personally I think that the resultant personality of your child is more nurture than nature. So based on that I'd go for the one that you think is physically "better" (not brilliant wording sorry) - eg tall, healthy, strong, good looks, good health etc.

I just came on to say exactly what @orangenasturtium said. I would instantly rule out donor 2 on that basis.

Personally I wouldn't go with either.

Which one has more drive? I would want someone who naturally wants to do things and learn. You can be very intelligent, but if you don't have any drive, you won't get anywhere in life.

I would say about the gene thing, donor 2 has had more extensive testing as he's from a US sperm bank. Donor 1 has had some but not as much as 1 as he's from a european one.

1. Both dh and I are introverts and ds also appears to be one too. Its as if we all 'get' each other on some sort of level which we only understand.

You won't be guaranteed of that but given the genetic issue I wouldn't go for 2. Best of luck.

On what's written here, 2, but there's very little in it. Personality will be whatever it will be, I am introverted and socially anxious and have extrovert, gregarious parents. Two of my children are total extroverts, one is very like me.

Go for the one you would be more likely to sleep with.

@ZoeTurtle

I wouldn't. Have you read the long-term impacts for children born via sperm donation?

Such as?

In this situation, I’d go for looks. I have 3 dc and non of them have mine or dh’s personality. My youngest are identical twins but their personalities are very different from each other. As long as the genetic testing comes out clear, go for him. Another month isn’t really that long to wait, in the scheme of things.

My parents love to socialise and spend time with other people. My dad slightly less so than my mum, who spends her whole life trying to be the centre of attention wherever she goes. She's obnoxious the life and soul of every party - which is usually thrown by her. I'm the world's biggest introvert and can't stand any attention. I hate going "out out" and dread group activities. These traits are definitely not inherited!

I have sent you a pm

Neither iih.

Not donor 2 because of the genetic issue.

Not donor 1 because of the dissimilar looks.

Can you keep looking?

I wouldn't choose one based on personality. It would be health and looks.

Introversion isn’t genetic. Both of my parents are extroverts, my Dad fancies himself as an actor and they both have busy social lives. I’m the polar opposite.

I would go for donor 1 because, as you said, time is not on your side and you’d have to wait for test results with donor 2.

It sounds a bit like you've made up your mind, emphasising the negatives of 2 more and projecting (I think) your experiences with exes as though creative people would never be successful. I mean, did donor 2 actually say he is constantly poor because it is all about the art?! Seems a strange thing to say.

I would go for whoever came across as the most kind. Introversion isn't inherited in my view. And its more important that when your child grows up and has the option to contact the donor, you'll feel better if you made your choice based on how kind and nice the person came across rather than whether they're introverted or extrovert, creative or otherwise.

He did, Newmumatlast! He mentioned in his audio interview that he didn't go out for meals anymore now that he was an artist.

If you were looking for a boyfriend and not a donor which one would you choose? That is your answer.
This 100%

I’m an extrovert, my DH is an introvert. Our DH is the result of an Egg donor and his personality is all me. People comment on it all the time that he inherited DH looks and my personality. We didn’t get to choose anything as we had treatment in Spain where it’s done anonymously. Personally I would choose whoever had done more screening health wise and if that’s the same I would choose the one who had similar looks to my family.

Our DS not DH obviously 😊

I'm pretty sure personality traits like introversion are partly genetic, it doesn't mean you will get a highly introverted child, but it can mean they may tend more that way. It's only broad-brush strokes and you do get people who are entirely different personality wise than their parents.

Hey. I made this decision a few months ago & went for the donor without photos because I didn't want to constantly compare baby to the photo.
Good luck in your journey! I'm hoping to become a solo Mummy next year 🤞🏻🤞🏻

I would go for Donor 1, as the way you speak about being over men like Donor 2 if your child was a boy and inherited the personality traits you are starting to find irritatating you might clash as he got older.
Also the looks thing is so not guaranteed, my parents are both west of ireland "Black Irish" and could be siblings looks wise.
None of their five children inherited their exact colouring, there are even two blondes when there are no blondes in parents or grandparents generations.

On the people saying pick donor 1 because donor 2 is a carrier, it is very very hard to find anybody who has been fully screened in the USA who isnt a carrier of something - the full tests are for over 250 different things, and most donors have something in my experience. In European and UK donor clinics you dont get the same issues as they dont screen them!

Donor 2. I think it's important to have seen what your donor looks like before you get the sperm. Only becuase you might always wonder what he looks like.

With donor 1 you have only heard his voice and the fact he has said he is introverted, but I don't think that has any bearing on what your future child will be like.

Im excited to see this post because I used a donor as well.

I don't think introversion is genetic so I wouldn't include that in the decision. I would choose donor 2 because it sounds like qualities that will complement yours, and being from the same background will be comfortable for the child growing up. Speaking as someone who has spent a lot of time trying to choose a donor!

I would go for 1. But (anecdata alert) I am quite surprised to hear all these stories of non genetic intro/extraverts because DS1 is very extroverted like his dad/me and DS2 is very introverted like his dad, to the point we refer to him as the clone.