Which sperm donor would you go for?

[wintersunlight]

Yes, I'm asking total strangers something only I can decide but I'm very confused. Also posting here because I need to make a decision quickly!

I'm setting out to be a single mother by choice. Donor 1 is basically me; is introverted and likes the same things I like to do in my spare time. Sounds like a nice guy from his audio interview. Also (not that you can choose this, I know!) I'd like to maximise my chances of having an introverted kid.

Donor 2 is the kind of guy I have dated in the past; artistic, creative and extrovert (but constantly poor because it's all about the art). Crucially he's from exactly the same racial background as me and looks like he could be someone from my family.

Donor 2 has adult pics whereas donor 1 doesn't. Basically donor 1 ticks the personality boxes while donor 2 ticks the looks boxes. But for 2, I would have to get genetic screening first as he has a recessive gene and we need to make sure I don't have the same one. This would delay my treatment by a month and time is not on my side as I'm 42.

Any thoughts?

We only had a choice of 2. We bought the one with the most pregnancy slots available in case others used him and used up his allowance of successful pregnancies as we might want siblings down the line.

@Calmandmeasured1

I'd like to maximise my chances of having an introverted kid. Mmm, my only thoughts are that I don't agree with sperm donation, and that introversion is a bit of an odd choice of a quality you'd like to have replicated.

I agree with you, it sounds bizarre to me to be even considering either but if I had to (and nobody has to), I'd go for donor 2.

You're not dating him so his personality and interests are irrelevant. Go for 2 simply as his ethnicity means your child shares your ethnicity.

Donor 1 because it sounds as if you like him more tbh.

Definitely no guarantee your baby will be a nice quiet introvert based on genes though, our daughter is proof of that 🤣

2? - are these all you can find? Neither. I thought doctors did this sort of thing?

I'd go for two

DD2 is the most extrovert child ever. DH and I are both introverts. DD1 is more introverted than either of us. DD2 looks like me and my Mum’s side of the family and DD1 looks like my Dad’s side of the family. She has a third cousin who could be her twin! Neither look like DH at all.

forget the personality-go with the looks!

@CounsellorTroi

I don't think you can ever guarantee that a child's personality will be a good fit to yours.

This.

Donor 2

ZoeTurtle

I wouldn't. Have you read the long-term impacts for children born via sperm donation?

OK, I'll bite. Where can I read about these long term impacts?

Shocked that you are more bothered about your future child's personality than their feelings and needs.

I’d be wary of trying to “pick” a child’s personality based on their parents. My DD is nothing like DH and I, she’s an extrovert with two fairly quiet parents.

DS is somewhat like my DH in personality, but they still clash!

I have to admit that I find the idea of picking a sperm donor in this way rather depressing and 1984-ish, but I wish you luck in becoming a Mum.💐

As the mum of a child conceived using a sperm donor: it really doesn’t matter.

6 years down the line, I can’t remember what he wrote about himself. We have all the info to give to our son when he’s older. But it means nothing to us. He’s our son and is unique.

@lowlandLucky

Shocked that you are more bothered about your future child's personality than their feelings and needs.

She’s not. Ridiculous thing to say.

Think on balance donor 1 if having exactly the same heritage isn’t too important to you.

What about intelligence , jobs skills ?

Hmm, I'm trying to work out why this thread feels so ick. I think it's because you can place an order for what you like but it'll make no difference to what you receive, if you see what I mean. Part of parenting is accepting and moulding around what you're given, so I'd not go in with any assumptions at all.

I would choose 2 (subject to the genetic issue).

Donor 2. The kid will have questions enough having a donor father. Might as well allow them to not have to run in to potential wonderings about which ethnicity they identify with.

My DS is a donor baby. We chose the donor primarily based on his baby pictures - we thought he was adorable. I also liked that his job was math based, as I am shockingly bad with numbers. And he just seemed like an all-round nice guy.

But with that said, my son is a mini-me. In look and so far (if you can gage it at two), personality. So, agonising over either may be pointless. Your little one could end up like neither of you! So, I say, go with the one you're most drawn to. And it sounds like that's donor 1.

Of go for looks so 2.

I would go for Option 1 as I think mixing heritage is potentially healthier if you have the choice. If Option 2 looks like he could be in your family, then I would go for the opposite choice. I don’t believe the introvert trait is passed down so that wouldn’t feature in my decision. The arty, selfish vibe you are getting from Option 2 however would also possibly deter me a bit from Option 1.

I mean from Option 2!

I don't think much of personality is inherited, whereas looks clearly are. I'd also think that having the same racial background would be helpful in this instance. So I'd go for 2. Slightly concerned by the recessive gene and month's delay. But it is only a month.