I have read a number of threads from mother pulling the 'I couldn't earn what my ex does because I was a rp and was limited as such', then you read further posts from them and read that they have few if not no qualifications and limited work experience before becoming a mum
I haven’t seen that and it’s not true for me either.
I had a degree and a career before having dd. I changed job when I had her partly as we moved (ex was army) and partly as in theory that was a better fit for us as a family I became a childminder.
As we were in service Accom when I suspected his affair and could see chances were the marriage would be ending I didn’t want to leave clients stuck so I phased out as it were and stopped just before the split, as far as I told him because I wanted a break and to spend more time with dd alone. He accepted that.
When things came to a head and we split I was a Sahm, but I had good qualifications, experience and references plus as the economy was going on at this point I was quickly able to find a job that fitted in with childcare provision - straight away I WAS limited because I couldn’t have taken a better paid job as it would have required me to do hours and days I couldn’t cover with paid childcare. I couldn’t be a childminder as my new landlords wouldn’t allow it, I could have decided them but that would have left me open to my liability insurance being invalid if anything were to happen and quite honestly I wouldn’t have risked my tenancy!
Ex was neither use nor ornament! He certainly was never reliable on the childcare side I couldn’t have risked an issue there. Not just personality wise of course but if he was deployed he wouldn’t be available anyway.
So I got a just above entry level admin role that was mon-fri 9-5.
As time went on and circumstances changed I hit various obstacles with childcare and employment due to YES being a single mum with no support network to speak of and a declining economy. One provider I was using went bust as a result of the banking crisis eg. Sure I’m not the only one that happened to.
There are shades of single motherhood/parenthood.
Some have good support networks, reliable exes who pay regular and consistent cm, are flexible and available if eg child takes sick, have understanding and genuinely flexible employers and good reliable childcare etc
Others have bugger all support network, useless or completely absent exes, no cm, arsehole employers and poor childcare provision available locally.
Just because ONE person or even two were able to work full time, find and afford good childcare, manage all the other crap that comes with running a family and home DOESN’T MEAN EVERYONE CAN!
Look outside your own experience and see how different it can be for others depending on their particular circumstances.
All 3 of us in my family, me and my siblings have been single parents at some point.
Sister gets a LOT of support from my mum and always has. She is very much the gc, and parents have been bailing her out her whole life. She’s got 3 dc but mum not only covers out of hours childcare (weeks at a time sometimes), financially bails her out repeatedly (but sister still shops at the more expensive shops and loves her brands etc) she also does a LOT of running her dc around to clubs etc, does a significant amount of her housework for her and even does things like makes her and the dgc drs appointments etc she’s like a pa, nanny and housekeeper all in one.
Brother prior to remarrying had good bosses who were very understanding and flexible for him, he found good childcare relatively easily and could afford it as he had a relatively well paid career that he was already going quite well in before he became a single parent. He had savings too which admittedly went down fast initially but he could afford it. His ex had sadly died so quite unusual circumstances.
I had all sorts of shenanigans from ex to deal with, worked after split initially well first couple years, then went back to uni planning to retrain, worked again after uni at first well about 5 years aside from the few months following breakdown, until becoming too incapacitated to work.
Unfortunately mum was already well enmeshed in supporting sister and frankly couldn’t be relied on by me or dd. Dysfunctional family dynamics at play here.
I was
LUCKY to have the ability to have obtained a higher education
LUCKY to have found work relatively easily when I was still able to work
LUCKY to find decent childcare when I was working
LUCKY to be able to work for as long as I did after the accident. Even drs have been surprised at that one
UNLUCKY to come from a dysfunctional and in real terms unsupportive family
UNLUCKY that my health declined when and how it did
It’s all just luck!
If you’re lucky enough to be fit, healthy, capable and able to find and maintain a decent job and find decent childcare, and have a support network as a single parent then acknowledge that LUCK!
It is NOT just about "hard work" I worked hard my whole adult life before becoming incapacitated. I'd LOVE to be working now because life as a disabled person on benefits right now sucks! It is NOT the life of luxury some who've NEVER EXPERIENCED IT seem to think.