To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

@Ickabog

And the noise was general kid noise. Playing and laughing and such.

I suspect it was probably louder than you think to cause the reaction from the neighbour.

And if you were trying to WFH probably a PITA.

You do sound unlucky. It hasn’t been like that here (also London)

GoldenOmber
You seem determined to push the miserable adults line here and totally miss my point.

I've already said some adults are miserable at the moment.
I'm just not entirely closed off to the idea that if someone is repeatedly having the same issue/complaints in multiple situations (especially to the point where they need to start a thread complaining thay they are sick of this happening contantly), that some personal reflection is in order.

As another poster put it: sometimes it's them, but sometimes it's your kids.

YANBU to think that people can be intolerant of and unnecessarily mean to small children. But YABU to assume this wasnt the case before COVID.

I think they have had this because the likes of Hancock said it was kids spreading it and that whole "don't kill your gran" message. So now, the paranoid lot see children as germs sent to kill them.
Of someone shouted at my child they'd be getting more than a jaw drop stare. I would not have let the guy who swore at them get away with it and would've demanded he apologise and would've pointed out yanking his dog was cruel.

I had this in the first lockdown OP with my 4 year old. People huffing and puffing and tutting in the park and shops etc. Tell them that if they're so scared of your small kids then they should stay at home.

OP, I did notice this myself when DDs were little. There is a lot of intolerance towards young children. It's also misogyny, women get criticised for their own, and their kids' behaviour more than a man would. I was never more aware of how much people can absolutely hate you for no good reason when I was a mum in my early 30s. Covid is also making people more fearful around one another.

You just have to keep reminding yourself when you get the sort of disproportionate reactions you outlined in the OP, it's not you (or your kids), it's them.

I had this in the first pandemic. A particular demographic huffing and tutting as I had the temerity to walk along the pavement with an 11 year old 🙄🙄🙄

@Frouby True

The absolute worst are the OAPS wondering around the big Morrisons on a saturday morning with 3 slices of best ham, a pint of milk and a small loaf scowling at all and sundry, getting in the way of everyone, peering at labels and chuntering that it's too busy and people should be staying home.

What does it matter if they're not buying much? You've described my widowed MIL's typical shop - as a single pensioner living on a state pension she doesn't need and can't afford a trolley piled high with groceries. It doesn't mean she has no right to be in the shop.

those people do sound ott. Kids are a fact of life... yes they do make some noise and sometimes try and touch your pet or say hello to you. Yes it is annoying but you are a bit of a shit if you are rude about it. Unless its extreme like kids playing after 9pm or a kid just grabbing your dog aggressively, or purposely trying to trip you up etc

We all have different views on what is acceptable but yes, I think people have been getting more and more annoyed with kids in general as the new generation isdefinity louder and less considerate of their surroundings than previous generations.

Saying that, as abot much lover of young kids, I would probably have just said gently to your little one crossing the path 'watch where you're going sweetie, you could knock into someone and make them fall'.

The dog instance, I would have encouraged them petting my dog as it's good for kids to be used to dogs. If my dogs was shy it not good around kids, I would have explained but told her that it was good she'd ask.

As for the noise in the joint garden, yep, I would have shouted the same as I expect it was much noisier than you claim.

And if you were trying to WFH probably a PITA.

So what, people can't be expected to live in silence just because some people are working from home. I have some time off soon and I have some DIY to do, should I not do it because my neighbours are working from home?

If the old couple are so concerned they could catch covid from a 3 year old running near by in the outdoors then they should stay at home. Carry on letting your kids be kids OP, you've just been unlucky in the moaning whingebags you've came across. And yes every UK nation except England have sensibly excluded the need for young children to social distance because it's ridiculous.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

TBH I see both sides. In London, we are all living on top of each other and everyone is pissing everyone else off!

Old people: likely effectively shielding and trying to take zero risk, so a child coming anywhere near them is a big risk. I don’t think they were hugely unreasonable—they are a potential fall risk, a park is the only place they can go, if they are on a path I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to expect people to stay well away—if joggers, dogs, cyclists etc did that it would be unacceptable. It’s probably best to try to keep the child with you until you get to a playing field or a playground and let them roam free there—old people also have the right to use parks.

Dog owner: was a dick no doubt, but again is probably stressed by the situation. Would have been coming here for years for relaxing walks, now the whole world has invaded his space. Has probably had a dozen bad interactions with children that week.

Person out window: I don’t think parents can really understand how horrendous the noise is when you’re locked inside all day, unable to go outside and having to work and sleep in this condition. They were rude, but I can really sympathise with the fact that it was intolerable.

Unfortunately in London there just isn’t enough space for us all to use parks as we want to, and I think we have to be more careful. I think this means children need to be much more tightly controlled than normal, and let “off lead” only in areas where they won’t disturb.

Hell is other people as they say.

There's too many people in England cramped into high density housing in urban areas, leaving everyone craving peace and quiet this year in particular.

Hmm sounds like your area is full of wierd and/or angry people who arent exposed to children much. Is it a village full of OAPs? It's unlucky and your children do not deserve to be treated thus.

Your children sound normal. Shrug it off.

The person who shouted out of the window might have been trying to work but really they could just have asked you to quieten down a bit. Being polite goes both ways.

In my experience OP the adults around here are terrible at social distancing...seriously, sometimes I find myself walking backwards to make space and they come to!

The problem is expecting everyone to like you children.

Children running in front of you is a problem. If someone is elderly and possibly less that stable on their feet it is even more of a problem. It’s your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t and if he accidentally does at least say “be careful DS” and apologise so he learns over time to watch where he is going.

Children playing loud in a garden is annoying. Again children need to learn what a reasonable level of noise is dependent on the location they are in.

You do realise many of these people are simply scared of being infected?

The woman in her 70s is vulnerable and don't want your kid to some too close to her and the same thing applies to the dog owners, they don't want someone to transmit the virus to their pet and then to them.

Noise is another matter, although it might be that this person was working from home and this was causing problems.

You need to understand people don't want to risk catching the virus and worry about their health which is likely to make them on edge and affect their behaviour.

Your kids being kids might be your first priority but to them it is likely that protecting their lives by avoiding Covid is more important...not that hard to understand.

@Dreamylemon

My in laws told me this long story about workmen on the pavement who didn't automatically move for them recently and how horrified they were. They are retired and have been shielding and very worried about catching covid.

The story sounded completely entitled to me and highlighted they have a totally different perspective on life then I do and way more time and energy to get annoyed over minor inconviences...

I tend to cross the street when there's workmen ahead, unless there's enough room to get out the way. Let them get on with their jobs.

I’m guessing the mentality on mn generally will tell you that you are BU because of your feral children and people being “frightened” despite probably approximately zero chance of Covid transmission in these circumstances but I don’t think you are and those people sound like a bunch of miserable cunts. If they are that bothered about low risk interactions they should stay in the house.

I do think alot of people are intolerant of children, and it has become worse since covid. I was asked to not let my child play in the shared garden of our home because someones mother wanted to use it (she was nowhere near anyone, nor was she actually making any noise at that point. Just a 4 year old trying to play), at the begining of all of this alot of people would move as far away as physically possibly if they saw me walking with her along the path, already a good distance away and would give the filthiest looks towards her. This seems to have calmed down alot now thankfully.

The elderly couple were over reacting and rude, they might have been scared that doesn't mean they were not rude. The dog owner was just an arsehole - the child asked, a simple no would have sufficed, without the lecture about not touching other peoples pets/fucking kids comment . And the woman who was shouting might have been trying to work from home, I understand that it's frustrating to have children playing loudly outside but unfortunately children need to burn off energy and seeing as it was the middle of the day they weren't actually doing anything wrong. I understand her frustration but you cannot expect children to just sit down and be quiet all the time, that isn't normal for children.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I can empathise with this woman. Over the summer my neighbours children nearly drive me to insanity. I’d be trying to concentrate (WFH) and they’d be out there screaming every day and I mean screaming!

I was really stressed and unhappy over that period, I’m glad it’s cold and wet now so they aren’t out there screeching, I feel so much calmer.

I’ve noticed a lot of kids can’t play normally these days they scream like they are being murdered (which if they were I wouldn’t bat and eyelid because how would you know the difference?!?!)

@SachaStark

With second lockdown beginning, and it being 1pm, is it possible that the neighbour was working from home in the middle of the day, and the children’s noise was too loud, and interrupting their work?

Unfortunately, with second lockdown “playing loudly” (does this mean screaming?) in a shared garden space might not be the best idea for the next few weeks.

Even if it was on what basis is it Ok to yell at children to shut up? Surely a polite “could you please keep the noise down, I’m working” would do. Mind you I don’t even think that reasonable. Kids are actually allowed to play outside. I wfh as well but I don’t expect other people outside this house to accommodate that in any way.