To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

I'm sorry you have such grumpy bar stewards as neighbours where you live

Love the idea of OP being surrounded by grumpy bar tenders

Yes my 14 year old also frequently told off for daring to exist so it’s not just younger children playing getting this response

I have been in your neighbour’s position. Working from home, next door’s kids screaming constantly from 8-8 while I’m on calls because one of them liked to kick the shit out of the other one out of view of mum. I lost it and shouted at them to stop acting like hooligans.

The difference is that my neighbour at the time took that as a realisation that the kids needed to be supervised better.

Onj yes, of course enforced segregation of public spaces and stereotyping every pensioner as frail and nervous is controversial.

By running track, I meant an actual athletics track. Althiugh most are of course closed right now. Most parks don't have special tracks for running around them. You are really unusual in having that facility near you, I'm thinking you must be near Richmond or Hyde Park or something, but even so, I think after my fifth run of the week, I'd be desperate to run somewhere else! I don't even have any parks or trails near me at all, so unless I drive, I have to run on the pavement. No-one objects!

We had a dog walker tell my DD off for waving at his dog... from 20m away. Because his dog didn't like people waving at it. It was one of those white fluffy things so DD loved it but she won't go near a dog she doesn't know.
I agree- some people are arses. Dog person was arse.
Some people are scared. Old lady sounded scared (but I would have replied that she was only 3!)
Some people have reached the end of their tether and it isn't your fault (window shorter sounds like that).
Cut them some slack but only so far as to not let it bother you so much.

@Grenlei

Your kids sound pretty irritating. Maybe you should focus more on that rather than assuming everyone else is wrong!

Grenlei - This is just so unnecessarily rude and mean. Do you feel better for having made such a terrible comment about someone's children?

OP your children sound like they are acting like normal children and you were unlucky to meet cranky feckers

Where do you live OP?

I’m finding people more friendly when we are out, maybe because they’re not having as much contact with others?

We always smile and say hello to people though.

Re: the noisy kids in the garden, this can be really irritating. I even get annoyed by my own kids in our own garden. If they’re being too noisy I ask them to tone it down and if not they come in. That is basic courtesy for others.

I’ve noticed a lot of kids can’t play normally these days they scream like they are being murdered
And this exactly what the issue is. I have kids on all three sides of the house. On one side, two kids 5 and 7. Play many involves talking to each other and role playing. Mum or dad almost always out to supervise and will ask them to keep it quiet if voices escalate. It's an absurd plaisure to listen to them.

The other two sides though is totally different. Kids never speak to each other. They shout, scream, argue, tease each other. The racket is relentless and very stressful. I once recorded the sound level and it was above what is considered safe! Telling them kindly to keep quiet does nothing at all and the parents are rarely out with them because they send them out to the garden so they can have some peace and quiet. They just can't be bothered to discipline them.

After hours and many days of it, I gave a couple of times lost it and shouted to shut up. One of the parents actually apologised and told their kids off (but they start again within minutes), the other called me names and told me to F myself because her kids could do what they wanted!

Some kids just don't know how to play nicely. Playing for them is synonym of hyperactivity, unkindness and boisterousness. They don't know any different.

Totally agree with Patricia. These people were children themselves once and I would bet were shown more kindness than they themselves currently demonstrating.

Seriously I have experienced older people shouting at my 11 year old and two friends one old man was shouting out of his house waving his stick - the girls were miles away from him and had no intention of going into his house 🙄🙄. I understand they are scared but there’s no excuse for behaving like that he frightened them they had done nothing wrong - quietly walking down a village street.

I have worked with struggling families and comments like these would have some of my Mums not leaving the house at all. Isolation and lonliness is a massive problem in this country even before the pandemic.

I had an awful neighbour first house we bought - wasn't untill other neigbours said back to her loud and meant to be overheard complaining how could my kids be noisy in our garden we were never in neighbours who commented had been working out front of their house so has seen us every day -- I thought how insane my behavior was becoming.

I was actively avoiding our own garden - which had cost us more to buy- because the moaning every time I stepped foot out back was too much for me.

Probably lucky I'd beeen living in a much friendly area before hand so had confidnce to leave the house- later met another mother similar aged kids down other end of street who had similar one side neigbours and hadn't and had slipped into pnd.

I'm not saying people old and young shouldn't be considerate to one another but some people are just arseholes sadly.

@dontdisturbmenow

I’ve noticed a lot of kids can’t play normally these days they scream like they are being murdered And this exactly what the issue is. I have kids on all three sides of the house. On one side, two kids 5 and 7. Play many involves talking to each other and role playing. Mum or dad almost always out to supervise and will ask them to keep it quiet if voices escalate. It's an absurd plaisure to listen to them.

The other two sides though is totally different. Kids never speak to each other. They shout, scream, argue, tease each other. The racket is relentless and very stressful. I once recorded the sound level and it was above what is considered safe! Telling them kindly to keep quiet does nothing at all and the parents are rarely out with them because they send them out to the garden so they can have some peace and quiet. They just can't be bothered to discipline them.

After hours and many days of it, I gave a couple of times lost it and shouted to shut up. One of the parents actually apologised and told their kids off (but they start again within minutes), the other called me names and told me to F myself because her kids could do what they wanted!

Some kids just don't know how to play nicely. Playing for them is synonym of hyperactivity, unkindness and boisterousness. They don't know any different.

Some parents are just beyond the pale. Awful people who should never have had kids.

Of course these tend to be the people who always do have kids and then their kids grow up to be just like their knobhead parents.

Where was everyone who is working form home now working before? Presumably in an office. Offices can be very noisy - did they tell their colleagues to shut up?

Working from home is great for me as I can't stand the noise of the open plan office and everyone right on top of each other makes me feel claustrophobic. Open plan offices are the devil's work.

It's great to have some space to myself to work in. I live right by a school and can hear the children playing in the playground through the day, but it doesn't both me too much and if it does i'll just put music on.

@Daphnise

Maybe your children are not as well behaved in the eyes of others as you obviously think they are?

When I am out I don't want children coming near me at the moment- and feel they should not be on the loose to even be able to do so.

Er, are you proposing that they be kept on leads?

What brings you to a parenting site @Daphnise?

I am sorry that you are having such a bad time OP. Hopefully it is just a run of bad luck and you will meet more pleasant people in the future.

This exploded more than I thought it would! I am still reading through your replies!

We live in London (zone 2), for those asking!

But no one yelled at us on the streets today, anyway

I live in London too, and I find the children incredibly irritating when they play in the courtyard in the development where we live. Endless screaming (and laughing and yelling and being noisy in general) is not charming or endearing. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t a week day - I don’t want to listen to it on weekends either! Take your children to the park to run about and be noisy.

My son asks to stroke about 10 dogs a day and yet to meet someone who said no, most put them on a lead and let him or even let him throw the dogs ball.
I don't let children stroke my dog. She has had a couple of experiences of small children suddenly grabbing her, because she is small and cute, and is very wary of them. It's actually better if she is off the lead because then she can give them a wide berth, if she's on the lead she feels trapped and growls.

Oh and just to add more info on the woman who shouted “shut up”. I was telling a neighbour today, who said that this woman has deep and troubling mental health problems - anxiety among other things. The neighbour I was talking to today has this info because this woman has been aggressive to others (not necessarily kids!) in the past and the police have previously been called. Anyway, all the neighbours in my building (except me, apparently!) know how hard life is for her, and know what space to give her.

A lesson to me that often bigger and deeper things are going on than what I see / hear on the surface.

I do take the point, though, that my kids in the shared garden probably aren’t charming anybody

Endless screaming (and laughing and yelling and being noisy in general) is not charming or endearing.

But why should other people, young or old, go about their lives based on what you find charming and endearing?

I don’t find my neighbour’s endless gardening work very delightful, and I’m not bowled over with adoration from my other neighbour’s radio, and I really dislike the way some other neighbours have coped with the stresses of lockdown via endless bad 90s music and arguing with each other, but we all live in earshot of each other so we just have to rub along. Noise-cancelling headphones are good.

Take your children to the park to run about and be noisy.

This is such a stupid thing to say right now.

CaptainMyCaptain
I don't generally let unknown children stroke my dogs either. It's not that they're unfriendly and I'm not miserable, but I know my dogs are happier with their own space. Unknown children can be unpredictable, they don't always know how to approach dogs and I'd rather not risk an experience that makes them wary.

You could be unlucky, but given the complaints are coming from a variety of people I think you should consider your kids’ behaviour is upsetting people.

3 year old suddenly running in front of an older couple, it happens, but I guess the lady almost tripped over him or feared she would. Maybe she was unsteady on her feet. Maybe high risk of covid.
I confess my child actually tripped a few people up when she was tiny and just walking, she’d suddenly dart in front of them and was so small they didn’t see her. She was on reins after that.
I’d expect a 3 year old to be able to look before he runs and keep distance from strangers especially in a pandemic.

Same with stroking the dog, you shouldn’t even let your kids ask to stroke people’s dogs (you all need to social distance). And many dog owners hate kids asking, it’s intrusive and annoying. And dog might not like kids or be snappy. Imagine if other people’s kids kept wanting to stop and pet your baby/toddler.

As for noise, your neighbour was either rude or very fed up (or both). Unless you have a big rural garden I firmly believe that kids should be taught to play quietly in the garden, no shouting or shrieking or banging footballs etc. Noisy games are for the park. I bring mine straight in if they start making a racket. Neighbours might be trying to nap or study, or they might be unwell or wfh or working nights or just got a baby to sleep! I was on a conference call last week from home and really wanted to tell my neighbours’ shouty kids to shut up as I couldn’t hear or concentrate.

The garden noise must have been really loud if a person indoors heard it with window shut.