To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

There are some parents who let their children do what they want eg from before lockdown , running around people's tables in a coffee shop . No one wants that currently ( if at all ) and older people are nervous of them as they are the ones in schools. Why can't kids wear masks ? Too many bolshy looking near teens wandering about without masks out.

@kirinm

I haven't been out running since lockdown started (we were self-isolating) but during lockdown I was often running in the road to swerve the people walking on the pavements in groups of 2 or 3. No pedestrians ever tried to move out of the way let alone thank me for trying to run across roads full of cars. Yet runners are the ones getting the abuse (and children of course).

It was the same for pedestrians, some people won't give way. I was trampling through fields to give people space, whilst some people walked 2 and 3 abreast. Ignorant feckers.

I think children are understood to be the carriers of the virus, so its has legitimised some peoples hatred of kids. Similar to how Brexit brought out all the racists.

You've been unlucky with your experiences, I think most people are tolerant, but Covid is definitely getting to peoples mental health and tolerance levels.

I have my own kids but they are grown and of course they were never annoying I have low tolerance for anyone else's but I'd never shout at them I'd just move away i have even been known to get off the bus when a baby is crying even the slightest noise annoys me. I just can't tolerate them but sounds like you've been unlucky. Brush it off and keep your kids in line.

@GooseberryTart of course they have the right to go out for exercise. They don’t have the right to be obnoxious to other people including kids who aren’t doing anything wrong. If they are so “frightened” that they can’t conduct themselves in a decent manner in a public place where other people are as entitled to be as them and are doing nothing wrong then yes maybe they should remain at home. There’s no excuse for rudeness.

People are getting meaner. I have a dog and always praise kids who ask before stroking him. And I always say yes!

@TitianaTitsling

It’s really cruel of people on here to say “if you’re so scared of the virus, then don’t go outside at all.” We all need to do our best to coexist in parks—that means joggers need to piss off to areas away from others, dog walkers need to change their usual routes, and yes children need to be keeping their energetic runs to set areas of the park to avoid the elderly and vulnerable out for a stroll. Right. So what you're saying is, we want to be here and I've decided we're more important, so you change everything you've been doing?

...no? What I’m saying is be considerate of how you use the park vs how others need to use it too.

Play areas and playing fields are ideal for children to blow off steam. Exercise and jogging in the quieter areas, dog walkers sticking to the areas where they’ll be least disturbed by others (if they don’t want their dog to get petted). Elderly and vulnerable using the paths for a walk.

Yes a lot harder in practice, but I don’t see what the issue is in principle? Children are not the only people who are missing out on life, it’s really intolerant to act like their desire to run around trumps the desire of older people to go for a walk, when both CAN coexist. Way more people are using the parks than normally so there is a lot of pressure on them, we all have to change the way we use them to be considerate.

If an old person was walking across a playing field and getting in the way of dogs playing, they would be being inconsiderate. Similarly joggers who use the big paths where people stroll are being inconsiderate when they have other options further from people. And people should try to stay off cycle lanes.

I don’t think it’s that much of a controversial thing to say? TBH when I go to the park it looks like 90% of people do this without much thought. Like if the park is big enough, there are fairly clearly defined “areas” where different groups do different things.

I have zero problems in the park personally, and no issue with children running around myself. However I’m not elderly or shielding, and I have some basic empathy for others so I consider how my use of the park impacts theirs. It’s really not that hard for people in the parks to try not to act like dicks. I want children to have a great time, I also want older people to not feel imprisoned in their own home because little Timmy just HAS to run up and down this path full of old ladies when there’s a playing field and a playground 100 feet away.

I should have added that the person who shouted out the window doesn’t own part of the shared garden.

Even more reason to tell the kids to shut up.

@TerribleLizard

Some people are just nasty to whoever they think they can get away with being nasty to. The people who shout at children like this are the same people who will be rude to waiters but gracious to the boss. A guy on a train once shouted at me because my baby woke up and cried for about 10 seconds. She was in a sling so a couple of bounces and back to sleep. She’d been woken up by a big group of football supporters all drinking and singing loudly, so that was really where the noise was coming from, but this man didn’t fancy asking them to keep it down, so just found someone smaller than him to take his frustration out on.

DD1 is 15 and in first lockdown her friends and her started being very reluctant to go out without parents - even if there were clearing doing tasks like walking the family dog - as men - seemed to be always men shouting at them that they shouldn't be out.

Didn't happen to other family members and apparently some of the older men who were nasty were ones going out every day for a paper.

When my kids were younger I encountered my fair share of aresholes - but I also ment many lovely people some of who stood up for us.

Some of the answers on here are bizarre. If lots of people are shouting at your kids, it's likely that your kids are in the wrong. Think about their behaviour and how it might cause problems for others, then take action to prevent them doing things that might cause problems for others.

They are children - you are an adult.

@GreenlandTheMovie

that means joggers need to piss off to areas away from others, dog owners need to change their usual routes, and yes children need to be keeping their energetic runs to set areas of the park

Do you suffer from ASPD? Honestly, if you cannot cope with people in public places who are legally entitled to be there, maybe get some counselling?

Or alternatively, put your money where your mouth is and buy a country estate.

And hiw exactly are all these perfectly standard classes of park users meant to get to these fabled "suitable" areas of parks? Shufflibg along, heads down, at 1 mph, lest they cause alarm at their appearance? Teleportation?

😂😂😂😂

I cope very well thanks, and actually I’m multiple of those categories on different days—but when I’m jogging/doing workouts I try to find a quiet area so as not to disturb walkers, and in the park I go there’s a great kids’ area that you can hear from a mile off! And I notice that the unfriendly dog walkers who don’t want anyone to as much as look at their pets tend to stick to quieter parts.

Am perfectly happy to coexist and do so with ease, but I do think the dicks who invade other people’s space are, well, dicks. Like the teenagers on bikes with boom boxes playing rap—good on them, but they tend to avoid the serene waterside paths where the elderly go. And the people with big, boisterous dogs don’t let them run free in the children’s play area!

There’s lots of things you are “legally entitled” to do that would be antisocial and dickish. We live in a society, and generally try to be accommodating to others and seek to coexist. Parks in London are busier than they’ve ever been—there is room for everyone, but not room for everyone to be a dick.

Your kids sound perfectly normal.

I'm sorry you have such grumpy bar stewards as neighbours where you live.

And to those who say the kids can't mess around in their own garden at 1pm - WTF? You've got to actually let them play sometimes!!

Only on Mumsnet will you get 'told off' for letting your kids play outside.

I'm in Scotland so perhaps depends on where you are but I've found the opposite in a lot of instances. Older people in the park always want to stand and speak to DD (and me!) Always maintaining social distancing etc. but there is definitely a bit more of a community feel up on the go.

I'm sorry you've had these experiences OP. Sounds like you've just come across some seriously grumpy people!

@Yellowballoon77 no. You are not alone. I have 4 boys (including twins!) and people are often so rude to them out and about, I find. Completely over the top about Covid. Kids are bearing the brunt of all this IMHO.

Where was everyone who is working form home now working before? Presumably in an office. Offices can be very noisy - did they tell their colleagues to shut up? Working form home means from home not in your communal garden. Shut your window if you’re that bothered (chances are you couldn’t open your windows in your previous office). Kids are meant to play in gardens. We want kids to run around, it’s healthy, less obesity means less pressure on the NHS, I could go on… We have a neighbour (one of the loudest people I know) who complains about the kids in the garden but shouts his head off on every conf call he does from the garden. He only complains about the kids, not the building works nearby that are twice as loud.

Ojn how slowly do you run that you can do it in a quiet corner of a park! Wouldn't you be better going to a running track? I run for about an hour and cover 7-8 miles, or 30 minutes and do about 31/2 miles, and I'd be constantly running in little dizzy circles if I followed your bizarre suggestion!

Like other human beings, I quite like seeing the scenery change! I have honestly never encountered people who have such difficulties with people using parks for perfectly normal activities, such as running, or children playing.

I dint think I've ever read anything so depressingly life-limiting and uninspirational. Is it actually your intention to make people miserable and feel guilty for doing normal things? You are actually advocating that people lower their standards of what they can do to fit in with you.

Sorry I’ve not read through the thread but how do Op’s kids sound irritating?! Normal children situations there? What!!! That just made me laugh.

Definitely grumpy people I’ve encountered similar, for example we were walking in the woods and I was told to pick my 3 year old up and carry her to stop her running round, she wasn’t near anyone and the person who said that was probably one of 3 we saw on an hour’s walk..

I have just been out for a dog walk in my large local park. It was a beautiful warm bright day and the large park was much busier than usual. I said hello and morning to people from a distance. I smiled and moved out of the way of anyone coming towards me (a handful of people said thank you). I was on the paths (as most people were as the ground was quite muddy and slippy in places). My dog was mostly on the lead and well behaved. I saw elderly people some with and without sticks, some young mums and couples pushing prams with toddlers and or dogs in tow, students taking a short cut to Uni, people running, cycling, driving (as a small road runs through the park) someone was having a PT session, a few were taking photos or looking at nature through binoculars, some in groups of two had stopped to chat on a large park bench etc etc. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the day and being outside.
Maybe op was just unlucky to encounter every miserable so and so for miles the other day, maybe it is her kids, her attitude or the weather. Go out again OP be mindful of others, smile and see what the day brings.

@GreenlandTheMovie I don’t think we’re actually saying massively different things in terms of how we use the park? When I go running I use a running track—in my park, I could do 5km around the outside, or 7 if I incorporate a nearby running area too. Convient, beautiful scenery and out of the way of walkers. If I’m doing a PT session, then I find a quiet area.

Sorry I really don’t think what I am describing is controversial, it’s what the vast majority of people are doing in parks likely without even realising it. The vast majority of people are not causing any issues at all, and are respecting the needs of others.

I’m sorry that you’d think it miserable and life limiting to not run straight through an area of old ladies, or let a boisterous dog into an area of children, or play loud music in a quiet area where people are sitting. I don’t think you WOULD actually do any of those things—most people wouldn’t. They wouldn’t need to be told not to, they would just automatically be considerate and find an appropriate area.

What is actually “life limiting” is the impact the small number of selfish people have on the elderly and those who are shielding. I am not in this group, I have no particular reason to have more sympathy for them than anyone else, but I do genuinely think they need others to be a bit more considerate at times. I don’t think a child having their hand held for 5 minutes to get to a clear area is a big sacrifice to allow an elderly woman who is a fall risk to be able to leave her house once a day.

Where was everyone who is working form home now working before? Presumably in an office. Offices can be very noisy - did they tell their colleagues to shut up?

My work colleagues don’t scream in a piercing shrill constantly - not sure where you work

Getting older myself now and remembering things my mother told me as she got into her 70s/80s, older people feel very vulnerable even without Covid being around. They are much more subject to falls and are quite nervous if they think someone might knock into them. It would be better if parents could teach their children not to run anywhere close to old people, really.

With regard to the dog owner, he should not have sworn a your child had asked permission and been told no. Also, the dog should be on a lead if near children if it doesn't like children. I have a dog that has been abused by children before I had her and she is very well behaved but I would never let her get within a child's reach in case she snaps at them out of fear. She is always on a lead if we have to pass a child and I watch the children the whole time to make sure they don't suddenly go up to her.

By the way, if anyone knows how to teach a 3-year-old to stay away from others and keep their distance please tell me

Erm... you hold their hand?

[quote Chesneyhawkes1]@Aridane I'm not your mother though am I. It was my experience/opinion I was giving [/quote]
And I’m giving mine