Sister visiting my parents during lockdown

[Toobusytowee]

Please help me decide if IABU because I can’t work out if I am justifiably angry or if my sister is being selfish. I will be guided by you, thanks.

My sister lives abroad with her husband and three children. They were last in the UK back in January and our parents haven’t seen them or their new baby that was born in Feb since then.

They have bought plane tickets to come over and have a holiday and spend Christmas with my parents, staying in their house. They will be arriving here at the end of November.

My concerns are- our parents are over 65 and both of them have health issues. They have been following the rules and hardly venturing into public places. My parents find it very hard to say no to anything involving their children.

My sister has said they will self isolate for 14 days per the rules and will not see anyone or go anywhere. However, they will be travelling on a plane for 6 hours, passing through an airport, having a lift off a family member in their car for 30 mins to my parents’ home.

My sister and mum thinks all this is ok. I personally think it is madness. They are bringing risk to my parents and breaking the law by having a holiday and mixing households.

I feel my sister is being selfish and putting her wish to ‘have a rest and eat pork and drink wine’ above the health of our parents and the risks to the community from their actions.

Please tell me if I am justified in my concerns or if I need to butt out.

Thanks.

Can they not come earlier and do the two weeks SI here? Don't know where though as hotels etc will be closed.

I think it's up to your parents really. If they want to take the risk to see their new GC, let them.

None of your business.

Are they breaking the law in their home country? There's no law that stops them coming here and joining your parents household.

Where are they travelling from?

I think a lot depends on where they are coming from.

Not up to you

I can’t see the issue, they’re self isolating for 2 weeks and following the rules. What is it about it that you’re annoyed about?

I am in a similar situation OP. I am the one that will be travelling back to the U.K. from USA with my family, albeit not for a holiday but because we are actually moving back home to the U.K. We have no choice in this - I would not be choosing to do this at this time in the pandemic if I had a choice.

We have two sets of parents and we will
not be seeing any of them u til we are through the 14 quarantine period because I could not live with myself if I inadvertently for anyone sick.

So no I do not think you are being unreasonable. I would speak up to your parents and your sister and express your concerns. Ultimately though it is their decision.

I don’t understand. I thought flights were cancelled? Surely they aren’t allowed in during a national lockdown?

They are coming back from Saudi Arabia.

I am concerned because they will be increasing the risk of my parents getting Covid, both of whom would be at risk of complications.

The reason my sister has given for coming over is because she wants a rest. She wants my mum to help with the washing, cooking, looking after the kids just like she used to a few years ago when our mum and dad helped raise her eldest child.

I can see why my sister would like a rest and help with childcare, as well as showing off her new baby and spending time with family. I can also see why my parents would want to see them.

I just feel that if this risk gives my parents Covid I will never be able to forgive my sister for being so selfish. But maybe my feelings shouldn’t matter and it is all my parents’ risk to take. I genuinely can’t work out if I need to just stop worrying.

Unisexnames, they will be self isolating in my parents’ house so my parents will be at risk.

It sounds like they have placed their own self interest way above your parents well-being

I don't see an issue with it IF they self isolate in a hotel for the 14 days before then going to your parents' house. This I would be insisting on.

Could they not isolate for a week at an air bnb and then do a private covid test before joining your dp?

Surely it’s up to your parents whether they’re happy with the risk? You can share your concerns with them, but it’s their decision.

My sister has said they will self isolate for 14 days per the rules

Which rules? They shouldn't be visiting your parents at all. You shouldn't be mixing households and people shouldn't stay over at other households (and don't say they can bubble because the can't, neither household are single adults).

If you mean the quarantine rules for entering the UK - unless they are doing this elsewhere, they are putting your parents at risk.

as well as showing off her new baby

You meant introducing her parents to their new grandchild for the first time.

It sounds like you just don't like her. Or resent her for some reason.

Surely it's up to your mum and dad.

*mean not meant

Can't they just get tested!?

Tricky one, how long are they back for?

I would suggest self isolating in air B&b fur at least 10 days.

I would worry about my parents too.

Your parents are probably really looking forward to seeing them - don’t underestimate that. They are grown adults who can make their own decisions and dont need another adult infantilising them.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I’m so shocked people are still suggesting this... there’s a 14 day incubation period, so that wouldn’t work!!!!!!!!!

Like chicken pox, you don’t get it straight away!

@Hayeahnobut

Are they breaking the law in their home country? There's no law that stops them coming here and joining your parents household.

Where are they travelling from?

Of course there's a law - you can't mix with other households until at least Dec 2!

It’s up to your mum and dad. They’re adults who vsn say no or put some restrictions in place. If they’re alright with it what do you think you could or should do about it?

Can you help out by offering to host them during the 14 days self-isolation? That way your parents won’t have to be exposed to them until after the self isolation period - it might put your mind at ease?

It is entirely up to your parents. I couldn't get too het up over it.