Sister visiting my parents during lockdown

[Toobusytowee]

Please help me decide if IABU because I can’t work out if I am justifiably angry or if my sister is being selfish. I will be guided by you, thanks.

My sister lives abroad with her husband and three children. They were last in the UK back in January and our parents haven’t seen them or their new baby that was born in Feb since then.

They have bought plane tickets to come over and have a holiday and spend Christmas with my parents, staying in their house. They will be arriving here at the end of November.

My concerns are- our parents are over 65 and both of them have health issues. They have been following the rules and hardly venturing into public places. My parents find it very hard to say no to anything involving their children.

My sister has said they will self isolate for 14 days per the rules and will not see anyone or go anywhere. However, they will be travelling on a plane for 6 hours, passing through an airport, having a lift off a family member in their car for 30 mins to my parents’ home.

My sister and mum thinks all this is ok. I personally think it is madness. They are bringing risk to my parents and breaking the law by having a holiday and mixing households.

I feel my sister is being selfish and putting her wish to ‘have a rest and eat pork and drink wine’ above the health of our parents and the risks to the community from their actions.

Please tell me if I am justified in my concerns or if I need to butt out.

Thanks.

as well as showing off her new baby and spending time with family.

you actually sound quite jealous tbh.

Yes I agree, and the almost bitchy comment about parents raising sisters other child.

OP do you have children?

I wonder why some people don't think the rules apply to them?

as well as showing off her new baby and spending time with family

I read that as seeing as we're under a national lockdown, not supposed to be mixing households, and also social distancing, was just adding context as in would be passing baby around etc

If they are staying with the parents, it's not a bubble at all, is it - they are forming one household.

But they are forming a bubble, a household bubble. Just like you are currently in your household bubble. There isn’t another house in this country. They aren’t going back and forth. Essentially the sister is moving in for the foreseeable future with her parents and forming one household bubble.

They are in the U.K. for over a month. That’s moving in and not a holiday.

@Ejb86

I don't see an issue with it IF they self isolate in a hotel for the 14 days before then going to your parents' house. This I would be insisting on.

What do you mean you’d insist? You’d insist that your adult sister went beyond the actual rules and didn’t go to the house of two other adults who are happy to have her and are perfectly capable of making that decision for themselves?

@MadinMarch I don’t appreciate being called a moron. You can’t seem to see the difference between visiting a family member and returning home in a day or even a weekend and MOVING IN WITH THEM FOR OVER A MONTH thus forming one household bubble. Not a support bubble, not a childcare bubble. Just a household. 1.

But they are forming a bubble, a household bubble. Just like you are currently in your household bubble

They're coming in from another country
You can't mix households
You can't bubble with anyone who isn't a single person.
I'm not sure why people are finding this so hard to understand?!

If you have to self isolate on coming into the country - how exactly are you doing that by joining up and mixing with another family?!

@LauraBassi

Your parents are probably really looking forward to seeing them - don’t underestimate that. They are grown adults who can make their own decisions and dont need another adult infantilising them.

Exactly. They have a new grandchild. Of course they want to meet him/her. If one of my daughters lived abroad and had a new baby nine months ago, I'd be desperate to see them.

Quite a lot of airlines are insisting on a pre flight covid test. Would this help to alleviate your concerns?

Your parents, grown adults who can decide for themselves, think it's ok.

I think it's up to your parents. If they're ok with it then it's not your business.

And I agree that some people seem to be infantilising older people. If they've got all their faculties then they can decide the risks for themselves.

@Quaagars

They are moving in until at least after Christmas. They are self isolating inside the parents house, as will the parents. For two weeks. After two weeks isolation they are 1 household. There is no other house to return to. It’s not a bubble if you like. Just a household. Lots of people live with Grandparents. They aren’t a support bubble. They are just a household with 4 adults and some children, just like these people will be.

The rules haven't changed when coming into the country- you can self isolate with friends and family.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk

If they're coming over at the end of November, lockdown will almost be over anyway. The rules could look very different within days, and the visitors will still be in quarantine when that happens.

I'm exactly the same age as OP's mother and I have a granddaughter just a couple of months older than the baby in this story. No way would I be letting a few days stop me from seeing my daughter and the grandchild I'd never met. And I would be hugely annoyed at being infantilised and someone deciding that I didn't know my own mind.

My parents have said they are old, it’s their choice. They would rather see their grandchildren and take the risk than potentially pop their clogs next year and not seen their grandchildren grow. As long as your parents are happy it’s their choice

To everyone saying the parents are grown adults, the visitors are breaking the law! They are also exposing OP’s parents to unnecessary risk that she is quite rightly worried about. When our children grow up, do we not worry for them despite them being adults? There is a reason the quarantine is in place.
OP, I am with you on this. It’s quite selfish of your sister to expose your parents this way especially as this lockdown is very likely to extend. This is deliberately putting two vulnerable people at risk even if they agree to it. Her parents are keen to have her. Why is she not keen to have them safe?

@Thewithesarehere isn't it guidance?

@Thewithesarehere

In what way are they breaking the law?

Why is she not keen to have them safe?

Using my own parents as a reference point here, they don’t want to be ‘kept safe’ at all costs. You can die of many things that aren’t Covid. It sounds like they’re excited to meet their grandchild and as grown adults, capable of weighing up the risk they want to take themselves.

[quote Hugosmugo]@Thewithesarehere isn't it guidance?[/quote]
Yeah it is but OP is quite rightly worried. Her parents are 65 hardly. She wants to see them safe and able to enjoy their presence as an adult. I can see what the parents are doing and why but they aren’t the ones who have posted here. From OP’s point of view, it is unfair.

My parents are a similar age. My sibling wanted to return home over the summer. They SI in self contained accommodation before then staying with parents.

From OP’s point of view, it is unfair.

It’s not her decision to make.

Sibling and wife were very happy to do this. One of their friends brought Covid into the family home and sadly her healthy dad died.