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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister visiting my parents during lockdown

118 replies

Toobusytowee · 07/11/2020 16:55

Please help me decide if IABU because I can’t work out if I am justifiably angry or if my sister is being selfish. I will be guided by you, thanks.

My sister lives abroad with her husband and three children. They were last in the UK back in January and our parents haven’t seen them or their new baby that was born in Feb since then.

They have bought plane tickets to come over and have a holiday and spend Christmas with my parents, staying in their house. They will be arriving here at the end of November.

My concerns are- our parents are over 65 and both of them have health issues. They have been following the rules and hardly venturing into public places. My parents find it very hard to say no to anything involving their children.

My sister has said they will self isolate for 14 days per the rules and will not see anyone or go anywhere. However, they will be travelling on a plane for 6 hours, passing through an airport, having a lift off a family member in their car for 30 mins to my parents’ home.

My sister and mum thinks all this is ok. I personally think it is madness. They are bringing risk to my parents and breaking the law by having a holiday and mixing households.

I feel my sister is being selfish and putting her wish to ‘have a rest and eat pork and drink wine’ above the health of our parents and the risks to the community from their actions.

Please tell me if I am justified in my concerns or if I need to butt out.

Thanks.

OP posts:

CrocodilesCry · 07/11/2020 17:55

I'm really baffled - has hardly anyone on this thread not noticed that we're under lockdown restrictions and people shouldn't be having anyone in their home?

VinylDetective · 07/11/2020 17:57

@Topseyt

It is entirely up to your parents. I couldn't get too het up over it.

Nor me. They’re adults, it’s up to them who they have in their house.

TheKeatingFive · 07/11/2020 18:03

has hardly anyone on this thread not noticed that we're under lockdown restrictions and people shouldn't be having anyone in their home?

Does that seem likely? 🙄

The point being made is that it’s her parents decision who they have in their house.

StrippedFridge · 07/11/2020 18:04

@Topseyt

It is entirely up to your parents. I couldn't get too het up over it.

There are four adults involved in the decision. Your beak is not needed in there too.

MrsBrunch · 07/11/2020 18:05

They can't have two households sharing though can they.

SpeckledyHen · 07/11/2020 18:06

Nobody should be having visitors at the moment , and how on earth can you self isolate in someone else’s home!??

Are they called Cummings by any chance?

Ponoka7 · 07/11/2020 18:06

"It’s up to them who they have in their house."

If 65 year olds can do what they want then lets come out of lock down and apply herd immunity. Those that are doing without the most aren't at risk.

This behaviour is what will get the schools closed again, but why should they? To protect people who are carrying on as usual?

Keep out of it OP as long as none of you make a fuss if any of you need hospital treatment that isn't available. I know of a family whose suing the NHS over the care of their 86 years old parent, who they didn't stop seeing. Well boo fucking hoo.

CrocodilesCry · 07/11/2020 18:07

So WTF are the rest of us following the rules and not seeing our friends and families, but OPs DPs and sister can do what the fuck they like?

Butchyrestingface · 07/11/2020 18:07

I am concerned because they will be increasing the risk of my parents getting Covid, both of whom would be at risk of complications.

Are your parents unaware of the risks? If not, seems like they accept the risk.

ImMoana · 07/11/2020 18:08

I just feel that if this risk gives my parents Covid I will never be able to forgive my sister for being so selfish
I would feel the same. I was also incredibly pissed off with my sibling who didn’t follow any of the guidance during lockdown 1, especially the lack of social distancing.

Unfortunately there’s very little you can do.

HyacynthBucket · 07/11/2020 18:13

YANBU to be very concerned about this. Does your sister know to the same extent as we do here, all about covid and the need to take a lot of precautions? I ask because I have no idea how the news works in the country they live in, and what they are used to about preventing the virus transmitting.
I think they shouldnot come at this time, but if they do they should definitely self-isolate for 14 days somewhere other than your parents home. If they do the quaranting with care, and take no risks in that time, they should be OK to spend Christmas with them. On the other hand it sounds as though she is coming to be looked after rather than just for Christmas. All you can do is make all the parties fully aware of the risks involved in the present plan, and ask them all to reconsider. If you know that they are all fully aware, there will be nothing more you can do and it will be their decision.

BlackLambAndGreyFalcoln · 07/11/2020 18:13

Even when we're out of lockdown (unless the rules change) your sister and her family are supposed to social distance from your parents and may not be able to stay in the house with them (depending on what tier restrictions are in place in your parents' locality).

StrippedFridge · 07/11/2020 18:13

You are treating your parent like morons. They are the ones at risk, they have extended the invitation, yet you would blame your sister if your parent's catch covid and get it bad. Don't do that.

ImMoana · 07/11/2020 18:13

@Unisexnames

I can’t see the issue, they’re self isolating for 2 weeks and following the rules. What is it about it that you’re annoyed about?

You are not allowed to mix households inside.

They also intend to do their ‘isolation’ in the parents home.

Neither of which is ‘following the rules’.

Nanny0gg · 07/11/2020 18:14

When did it become a Thing for people to start treating their parents like children, assuming that they're incapable of making their own decisions?

Did it happen before Covid?

TheKeatingFive · 07/11/2020 18:19

Did it happen before Covid?

I’m not sure, but the infantilising of the older generation in these situations is concerning.

AdelaideK · 07/11/2020 18:20

Why don't you let your parents decide? They are adults and can make decisions without you butting in surely.

Pipandmum · 07/11/2020 18:22

The quarantine can be at a family members house if this is their final destination, but Saudi is considered high risk, and they really should wait - there's a legal requirement but also a moral one, and putting your parents at risk breaks the latter.

Disneyvillain · 07/11/2020 18:22

As others have already said, we are in lockdown until December 2nd. A friend of ours recently broke tier 3 guidance to visit his elderly mum. He is now in hospital with Covid. She has just tested positive. OP you are right to be very concerned for your parents’ well-being.

VinylDetective · 07/11/2020 18:29

@Nanny0gg

When did it become a Thing for people to start treating their parents like children, assuming that they're incapable of making their own decisions?

Did it happen before Covid?

It certainly became widespread with the onset of Covid. It seems Gen X think patronising their parents is justified for some reason.

yoyo1234 · 07/11/2020 18:30

This is how it spreads YANBU.

BluebellsGreenbells · 07/11/2020 18:36

I hope they get fined

LEELULUMPKIN · 07/11/2020 18:39

Your parents are grown adults.

Not in any shape or form your call.

Butt out.

Original poster

Toobusytowee · 07/11/2020 18:43

I am not treating my parents like children at all. I am questioning the judgement of my sister, her husband and both my parents. It is my parents who would ultimately suffer and I am worried for them. I haven’t told anyone what to do and I wouldn’t tell them what to do.

I am experiencing strong feelings of concern and annoyance and I was looking for other perspectives to help me understand the issues and to see if I was missing anything.

OP posts:

LauraBassi · 07/11/2020 18:44

@TheKeatingFive

Did it happen before Covid?

I’m not sure, but the infantilising of the older generation in these situations is concerning.

Quite!

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