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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister calls her new baby ex name

131 replies

Whattimes · 07/11/2020 06:58

My sister recently had a baby boy her 1st child. I was overjoyed and elated. She has called him the same name as my sons father who has caused a lot of stress disappointment and trauma both to me and to my son by his absence and other behaviour, mainly absence and not being involved (does not make contact on my sons Birthday, Christmas or provide any financial support). Now this name is shared with her husbands late father so I understand the sentimental value for them of this name. But I do nonetheless feel blindsided and I would have greatly appreciated if she was to forewarn me of their decision instead of making a public announcement. Perhaps it was a genuine oversight in the excitement of a new baby but seemingly they had decided upon the name some months before she said it felt right for them in the months before the birth. This sister was my birth partner and was heavily involved in my sons early years when his father was not around. I hope we can get back to where we were in our relationship. And I want to feel that close relationship to her boy also. Not to feel constantly reminded of these hurt feelings by my ex/sons father. I am concerned it may impact upon my son but acknowledge he is their son and the naming is essentially their choice. It's done now so I need to adapt and get used to this being my nephews name. She and her husband are to be my sons guardians in the unlikely and unfortunate event of me being unable to take care of him.

OP posts:
Aloethere · 07/11/2020 12:02

I think you are being extremely unreasonable. Falling out with your sister when she has just given birth, after how supportive she has been to you, because she called her baby after his grandfather is very selfish.

Rockpapershoot · 07/11/2020 12:24

Why on earth would the aunt's bad association of a name trump the Father's family connection? That's just insanely self centred.

IcedLimes · 07/11/2020 12:27

I was going to vote yanbu but then when i read it's the late father's name I'm afraid that trumps anything else

amusedbush · 07/11/2020 12:35

It's not about you, though. To be frank, your BIL likely considers his feelings for his father over his feelings towards you. I like my brother's fiancee a lot but the fact that I get on with her doesn't in any way compare to how I feel about my dad.

If your sister had said, "we can't call him Thomas, that's my sister's ex's name" I can't imagine it would have gone down well with her husband.

Crankley · 07/11/2020 13:05

You must know YABU OP. I seriously doubt it even registered that the DH's father's name was the same as your ex and even if it did, that was their choice to make.

Scubadive sounds like you really need to get counselling.

choli · 07/11/2020 13:30

but acknowledge he is their son and the naming is essentially their choice.
Well that's big of you.

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