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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU people flashing for you to pull out in front of them

150 replies

Georgeoftheinternet · 06/11/2020 19:11

I’ve only been driving in the U.K. for a few years and when I lived overseas everyone followed the strict rules.

The U.K. is different and one thing that annoys me is when you are pulling out of a side road and people flash you to pull out in front of them.

Firstly, if I miss read the flashing of lights/hand gesture and crash into them, it’s my fault.

Secondly, the car behind them can’t see what they are doing and could hit them. There is the chance my car could get his by this impact. I could also be the driver behind and no pay attention for a split second and crash into them.

Thirdly, it’s often pointless and not doing a good turn. For example today I wanted to turn right and a car was driving from my left. He flashed me to come out and there was an empty road (just one car behind them). How is it beneficial to me to save a few second but also maybe cause a crash.

OP posts:
minipie · 07/11/2020 01:20

I think most of the problems with flashing are due to a misunderstanding of what it means.

If someone flashes me I know it doesn’t mean they have checked all else is clear, it just means that particular car is not going to run into me. It’s my job to check any other lanes are clear, and for any possible cyclists or overtakers etc.

As long as people understand this, I think it’s a lovely thing to do and have done for me.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/11/2020 01:22

So you have two lanes of traffic to cross in order to turn right. The person who is currently 'in control' of the first lane is allowing/inviting you to briefly block the first lane in front of them, so you then only need to look and wait for the second lane to become clear, before going on your way. Turning right on very busy roads, it's so frustrating when one of the two lanes is frequently clear to go, but never both at the same time. I really fail to see how that is them being UNkind.

It is, from the POV of the person in the second lane, if the person turning out is a twat who thinks the flash from the person in the first lane means he can pull out across both lanes. (Yes, it happened to me, yes he argued the toss with the insurers. Still annoys me decades later!)

MustardMitt · 07/11/2020 01:29

I also agree with @Ginandplatonic and @CastleOfDoom

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/11/2020 01:32

It is, from the POV of the person in the second lane, if the person turning out is a twat who thinks the flash from the person in the first lane means he can pull out across both lanes. (Yes, it happened to me, yes he argued the toss with the insurers. Still annoys me decades later!)

That's entirely on the neglectful and dangerous driving of the person who is let out - not the person who flashed to give him priority over them and them only.

It's no different from busy wide roads that have bollarded pedestrian havens in the middle - if I slow down and flash/wave the pedestrians to cross halfway in front of me, I have no control whatsoever over how they manage crossing the other half of the road and what decisions they or other drivers might take; but if pedestrians are only ever expected to be able to cross the road in one go, and no drivers are ever to try and be kind to help them, why are the half-way havens put there in the first place?

Sorry to hear of the idiot you encountered, though - I presume the insurers roared with laughter at him down the phone and threatened to inform the DVLA when he outright admitted his complete inability to use the public roads carefully and safely.

Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 07/11/2020 01:52

@minipie

I think most of the problems with flashing are due to a misunderstanding of what it means.

If someone flashes me I know it doesn’t mean they have checked all else is clear, it just means that particular car is not going to run into me. It’s my job to check any other lanes are clear, and for any possible cyclists or overtakers etc.

As long as people understand this, I think it’s a lovely thing to do and have done for me.

Makes the roads more dangerous though.
OP posts:
GammyLeg · 07/11/2020 03:57

It's a dick move. I also hate it as a pedestrian.

In my town, someone recently flashed and stopped for a pedestrian with a pram to cross a busy road. The pedestrian stepped into the road, but the car behind went into the car that had stopped, shunting it into the pram.

Luckily the baby was unhurt, but could've been so much worse.

singme · 07/11/2020 05:58

Often it’s just a considerate thing to do but last week we were out walking with DD in pram. A man stopped to let us past (no cars behind him) blocking a side round that a car the other way was about to turn into, then there was a car behind them. He got really agitated waving us across when the other side wasn’t clear. The car on the other side had to drive all the way around them to get into the side road and the car behind them then just let us across as they could see that this guy was getting angry that we weren’t going. So unnecessary. If I ever let anyone across I just wait patiently as I know they need to check both sides.

Sheknowsaboutme · 07/11/2020 06:54

I never flash to let someone out. They can sit there till the next person decides to do so.

I was driving along once and there was a staggered junction and a car waited to pull out. The car behind me flashed at him and he came between us. At the roundabout 200 yards up the road he smashed i to me😡.the driver of the car who flashed was not at fault but it caused no end of troubles.

But don’t be the cunt who will stop a flow of traffic to let a car out of a junction. There are lots of them and that is dangerous. You’re not being kind, you’re being a dick.

Fizzysours · 07/11/2020 07:01
  1. This happened and a car pulled out with no right of way and hit my husband on his motorbike, nearly killing him.

2 At my kids' previous school, drivers used to flash kids to cross. This discouraged the kids from using the pedestrian crossing. One day, the impatient driver behind overtook, and nearly ploughed into the kids as they were crossing.

It is illegal and dangerous. YANBU

cretelover · 07/11/2020 07:34

Jesus people are so miserable. If you don't want to pull out just wave them on

Gobbycop · 07/11/2020 07:39

You're not being unreasonable.

I've been an advanced police driver in the past and you're never taught to gesture people out.

You stop and let the decision be theirs.

Cyclists piss me off when they frantically wave you past on a bend that to you is blind.
Nah I'm OK mate I'll wait until I can see it's clear with my own eyes. They shouldn't do it.

Charleyhorses · 07/11/2020 07:40

I've lived in one town where unless people did this, the traffic would not move.
Place where i live now, the only way to cross the High St without walking to either end is to walk purposefully through a gap. Traffic always stops to allow this.

NotFrozen · 07/11/2020 07:49

I love it when drivers stop, flash their lights and so let me out. It’s really common where I live and is only done in areas with slow moving traffic. If the car behind hit the flasher then it would be the fault of the car behind for failing to keep a safe distance. I was born abroad and find drivers in my English town to be so much more courteous and careful than my home city. My husband often comments that women rarely let out other cars and based on this thread maybe he’s right! It’s so weird that mumsnetters find this irritating, or offensive. honestly what a miserable gripey bunch!!

Lindy2 · 07/11/2020 07:51

I've never had any problems with either being flashed at or flashing others. It's just part of normal day to day driving and really shouldn't be cause for concern or a problem for a driver.

Around here you'd spend half your life waiting at junctions if no one ever let you pull out. Traffic congestion is very high and helping others pull out safely is considered polite and considerate driving.

Just because someone flashes you to let you out doesn't mean you don't do your normal checks to ensure your maneuver is safe.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/11/2020 07:59

YABU

Where I live (London) you would never get out onto a main road if someone doesn't let you out. Luckily this is obvious to most people, and we work together to all stay moving.

ThursdayLastWeek · 07/11/2020 08:00

There’s a time and a place though, not all situations are equal.
Awkward right hand turns into junctions and slow moving traffic and perfectly valid reasons to use a little courtesy and common sense.

Recently a driver got very cross with me because I wouldn’t pull out in front of him even though he WASNT SLOWING DOWN! I can’t merge into 50-60 mph traffic from standstill you fucking numpty.

And then another got cross with me when I did pull out in front of the car in front of him, I assume because he didn’t realise the driver in front had flashed me.

Better for everyone if we all just make our own decisions.

IME the 'kind' people who flash end up gesticulating furiously when their kindness is rebuffed!

middleager · 07/11/2020 08:02

@Lindy2

I've never had any problems with either being flashed at or flashing others. It's just part of normal day to day driving and really shouldn't be cause for concern or a problem for a driver.

Around here you'd spend half your life waiting at junctions if no one ever let you pull out. Traffic congestion is very high and helping others pull out safely is considered polite and considerate driving.

Just because someone flashes you to let you out doesn't mean you don't do your normal checks to ensure your maneuver is safe.

Same here!
Newfornow · 07/11/2020 08:04

Flashing doesn’t mean the royal red carpet is waiting for you .. it’s not an all is clear but exactly what you see, that car doesn’t mind waiting. Sometimes it’s what keeps traffic moving.

SorrelBlackbeak · 07/11/2020 08:04

Yes what’s the rules regarding pedestrians? I wouldn’t give you space to cross the road (unless there was slow moving traffic). However what if I was about to turn into a side road, the pedestrians don’t get right of way?

I don't think anyone answered the op's question earlier. If you're driving into a road which a pedestrian has already started to cross, the pedestrian gets right of way. Rule 170 of the Highway Code. Maybe worth a reread?

Boulshired · 07/11/2020 08:04

This has to be a location thing, I would need to sell my house if people stopped letting you out in moving traffic, there are no gaps. It also leads to cars just going for it. I worked in an area were the tried to address this. It has ended with countless mini roundabouts (a pathetic dot in the road). Two lanes being reduced to one. There is just too much traffic where I am and more impatient people. There a difference of having to wait a couple of minutes if you are only driving for a small amount of time and having to constantly wait a couple of minutes when driving all day long.

murmurgam · 07/11/2020 08:08

Despite majorly congested roads, the UK has some of the safest roads in the world. The flashing habit clearly can't be that dangerous.

aintnothinbutagstring · 07/11/2020 08:21

I do it in slow moving traffic or if I'm approaching a red light and someone is waiting to turn left in my direction. I wouldn't obviously stop dead to let someone out as I see my priority is to the person behind me to keep moving. If I'm turning right into the road where I live, it's nice if people let me in (often a big queue as it's a main route into town and there's no keep clear) but I still have to wait and check the bus lane next to it is clear. Same with roundabouts, nice if someone lets you in when you have a big queue going ahead and you're turning right but again you have check to see if the other lane is safe. I always see the onus is on me to go if I think it's safe and check everything is clear.

ParisianLady · 07/11/2020 08:33

Flashing people out is a normal part of driving in congested places. It's courteous and polite in slow moving traffic. There are junctions on my commute that would completely block up if this didn't happen.

Obviously you still need to make the normal safety checks - as you would at all times. I flash if it's safe to do so, but wouldn't be bothered if they chose not to take it for whatever reason

It really shouldn't be causing any anxiety or stress.

DuzzyFuck · 07/11/2020 08:42

Christ on a bike you'd all have an absolute meltdown driving round my way.

It's absolutely the norm here to let people out here, filter one at a time where lanes reduce or at some junctions, let pedestrians cross when they're waiting to etc. Politeness prevails. I can't think of any accidents that have been attributed to this either Confused

Mol1628 · 07/11/2020 08:48

Hate this as a pedestrian. There’s a light controlled crossing near our house on a busy road. There’s a delay in the lights turning red for the cars and the green man coming on. I teach my children wait for green man, check traffic has stopped and then cross. The amount of drivers we get flashing and beeping and gesturing us to cross whilst we wait for it to turn green. I’ll cross when I’m ready thanks 🙄

Doesn’t bother me as much as a driver though it’s usually helpful I just make all the checks as I normally would.