AIBU people flashing for you to pull out in front of them

[Georgeoftheinternet]

I’ve only been driving in the U.K. for a few years and when I lived overseas everyone followed the strict rules.

The U.K. is different and one thing that annoys me is when you are pulling out of a side road and people flash you to pull out in front of them.

Firstly, if I miss read the flashing of lights/hand gesture and crash into them, it’s my fault.

Secondly, the car behind them can’t see what they are doing and could hit them. There is the chance my car could get his by this impact. I could also be the driver behind and no pay attention for a split second and crash into them.

Thirdly, it’s often pointless and not doing a good turn. For example today I wanted to turn right and a car was driving from my left. He flashed me to come out and there was an empty road (just one car behind them). How is it beneficial to me to save a few second but also maybe cause a crash.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Really what are the chances of a flashing car being rear ended?! I've never seen that happen - and it could happen at any point in the road.

I think a good reason for flashing is if you're going into a tight road and they're waiting to come out. Sometimes it's load easier for them to come out if you wanna go in IYSWIM

The changes of being involved in an accident can be answered by people in insurance.

I don’t think you should dismiss that people so get rear ended and if that rear ended car is pushed forward to your car, it’s a possibility.

I completely agree with your point about the right road and as I live in an urban area I don’t have that issue. I do have an issue with cars parked on corners and that an issue with the road I live on. I do stop and ask people to pull out because I wouldn’t be able to pull into the road. Always exceptions to the rules.

You don't know that? That explains your position. In future, don't pull out if it makes you uncomfortable. That someone chooses to flash you really is a mild irritant.

@Newmumatlast

You don't know that? That explains your position. In future, don't pull out if it makes you uncomfortable. That someone chooses to flash you really is a mild irritant.

I never pull out. It’s an AIBU to validate my thoughts and actions lol. also for an understanding from “the other side”.

Lol get that - I'm clearly the other side rather than a validator haha. The way I see it your, your reasons for not liking it in the main could only occur if you actually pulled out. Otherwise it is a minor irritant. I just don't understand why it would wind anyone up so much tbh. It's interesting though seeing other people's views as you're not the only one who feels this way :)

If you do do this PLEASE BE CAREFUL!! I first aided car vs cyclist the other week as a car had flashed another car out and neither saw the cyclist and the cyclist came off worse (as they usually do.....). Thankfully the cyclist, although a bit bashed up, wasn't too bad. Unlike the cyclist vs lorry that was near me just the other day.... Which was very sadly fatal.

@Newmumatlast

Lol get that - I'm clearly the other side rather than a validator haha. The way I see it your, your reasons for not liking it in the main could only occur if you actually pulled out. Otherwise it is a minor irritant. I just don't understand why it would wind anyone up so much tbh. It's interesting though seeing other people's views as you're not the only one who feels this way :)

I wish I shot at the other driver to tell them my reasons, but we are in our cars - me shaking my head and him getting irate.

I like it. It's a very British 'thang'. And I like it.

Yeah I don't like it either. It annoys me even more when I'm waiting to cross the road with my 4yo son, sometimes a driver will stop and flash for us to cross.

1. Quite often I can see a car coming from another direction and know it isn't safe.
2. I don't want my son to think it's ever ok to cross just because a stranger in a car flashes at us.

There's a reason the Highway Code says not to do it.

Meh. It usually happens during my morning commute. I'm glad for it because otherwise I could sit in the side road for over 2 hours without a break in traffic. On the other hand, it's quite often the case that I will refuse a flashed invitation because I can see bikes/motorbikes coming down the inside, which the other driver hasn't noticed. In that case they do sometimes get a bit peeved that I've refused their gracious offer, until they finally realise why.

The thing I ponder is, in heavy traffic, once someone's let you in, should you then let other people in? Is it a case of pass on the kindness, or is the person who originally let you in going to get irrritated because they only let one person in but if it then grows exponentially then, (just on my personal commute) by the time we've reached the roundabout 200 yards away and there have been 2 further side roads and a petrol station (plus a bus stop, but there's not much choice there because the highway code tells you to let the bus out) then they're enough cars back that it'll add 15 minutes to their journey. I'm never sure what to do with that.

@Fink

Meh. It usually happens during my morning commute. I'm glad for it because otherwise I could sit in the side road for over 2 hours without a break in traffic. On the other hand, it's quite often the case that I will refuse a flashed invitation because I can see bikes/motorbikes coming down the inside, which the other driver hasn't noticed. In that case they do sometimes get a bit peeved that I've refused their gracious offer, until they finally realise why.

The thing I ponder is, in heavy traffic, once someone's let you in, should you then let other people in? Is it a case of pass on the kindness, or is the person who originally let you in going to get irrritated because they only let one person in but if it then grows exponentially then, (just on my personal commute) by the time we've reached the roundabout 200 yards away and there have been 2 further side roads and a petrol station (plus a bus stop, but there's not much choice there because the highway code tells you to let the bus out) then they're enough cars back that it'll add 15 minutes to their journey. I'm never sure what to do with that.

My rule in standstill commuter traffic: everyone should let one person out, then the traffic keeps flowing.

I flash people every day to let them out (busy slow traffic on the school run and no sudden braking to let them out). People joining the road would never get out otherwise! As for the one behind, they would be the ones in the wrong as clearly they were too close to react to the brake lights in time.

@Oblomov20

I like it. It's a very British 'thang'. And I like it.

It’s a very British thang to pay a lot for car insurance as well. Are the two related.

@AlwaysLatte

I flash people every day to let them out (busy slow traffic on the school run and no sudden braking to let them out). People joining the road would never get out otherwise! As for the one behind, they would be the ones in the wrong as clearly they were too close to react to the brake lights in time.

Alright but it’s clearly about not busy roads...

“ It’s always men who do it, there is literally no way to graceful decline their “chivalry””

Talking shite @GhostCurry

The main reason it is a British thing, surely, is because the UK has a combination of heavy congestion and no rules of priority for side roads. I've lived (and driven) in another country where the equivalent to the highway code is different and gives more priority to vehicles joining traffic, there you don't need to let people in. You need it in a country where people could be sitting at a junction for hours on end if people didn't let them in.

And yes, I know OP is not talking about busy roads, but the point is that it's a learnt behaviour, so if people are regularly driving in conditions where letting people in is a necessity, they will carry on doing that even when traffic is lighter.

You can fail your driving test if you pull out when a driver has flashed you on.

Or not.

When I was doing my test, I needed to turn right across two traffic lanes.
The car nearest me ie in the first lane stopped and flashed telling me to cross.
My instructors had always told me to ignore other drivers flashing. And I could not see if there were cars approaching on the lane beside him ie the second lane, I didn’t cross when the driver flashed.
I passed but was marked down for hesitating. When he was going through my faults, the tester said to me ‘the other car even flashed you and you still didn’t go’. I didn’t reply but I’ve always been puzzled by it.

@Fink

The main reason it is a British thing, surely, is because the UK has a combination of heavy congestion and no rules of priority for side roads. I've lived (and driven) in another country where the equivalent to the highway code is different and gives more priority to vehicles joining traffic, there you don't need to let people in. You need it in a country where people could be sitting at a junction for hours on end if people didn't let them in.

What do you mean there is no priority?

There are rules pulling into side streets....

@Thismustbelove

You can fail your driving test if you pull out when a driver has flashed you on.

Or not.

When I was doing my test, I needed to turn right across two traffic lanes.
The car nearest me ie in the first lane stopped and flashed telling me to cross.
My instructors had always told me to ignore other drivers flashing. And I could not see if there were cars approaching on the lane beside him ie the second lane, I didn’t cross when the driver flashed.
I passed but was marked down for hesitating. When he was going through my faults, the tester said to me ‘the other car even flashed you and you still didn’t go’. I didn’t reply but I’ve always been puzzled by it.

Idiot, I had one instructor who told me not to use my indicators if there was no one about.....

I failed my driving test because a car flashed me to finish my manoeuvre so I did :(

I do it on really congested roads if I can see a long line of traffic behind me because I know how frustrating it is to try and get out of a side road.

I also see it as a kind gesture and like someone said up thread. You let someone in and someone else let’s you in. And as for the other lane - you have eyes!!! Check the other lanes as you would any other time. Why wouldn’t you!

It keeps the traffic moving, especially in the morning and spreads goodwill - If someone lets you out you are more likely to let someone else out. Cars should not be driving so close that they could crash into the one in front if they slightly slow down, and please do make sure you pay full attention when you are driving, so that you don't hit anyone!

This

and I totally agree with @grassgreenthisside on P1.

IF you live in a City and travel in rush "hours" you'd not get anywhere on plenty of roads if people didn't let you through, and of course they need to indicate their intentions.
If you drive properly, it doesn't cause accidents, as they are just indicating that they are stopping for you, but you are still responsible for making sure the rest of the road is clear.

If a car goes into the back of a car that stops, that would be deemed the fault of the driver who is driving too close to the vehicle (s)he hits to be able to stop, not you.

Ha only on Mumsnet would a kind and friendly, often helpful, gesture be considered negatively. Quite unbelievable and sad that nobody can offer to help a fellow human out in such a simple way without someone taking offence.

I hate it too.

I agree that if traffic is very stop-and-start, a flash or a wave is a nice way to urge someone to move. But you can also just stay still anyway, right? I mean, there's never a situation where you actually have to flash someone to let them in. You could just adjust your speed. If it's safe for you to flash someone, it is safe enough to slow down and let them out in the normla way.

@Lostinacloud

Ha only on Mumsnet would a kind and friendly, often helpful, gesture be considered negatively. Quite unbelievable and sad that nobody can offer to help a fellow human out in such a simple way without someone taking offence.

Have you ever seen a crash where the driver's side has been hit by another car at speed, when the first car pulled out into traffic having not realises it wasn't safe?

I have. That's how a friend of mine died. Obviously we all want to be kind. I let people out when I can and when it's safe to do so. But I think it's really important to acknowledge that sometimes it is not safe at all. If you can't see the road, you should never pull out, and no one should encourage you.