Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

Wow!! What an absolute tit she is! Do not reply

Why have you moved so far from family and friends when your husband's family sound like the dregs?.

Mind yourself OP.

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

There's nothing fair about you paying for their booze when they've had a lot more than you. I rarely if ever drink and would I fuck be paying for anyone else to get rat arsed.

Anyway, a pleasant person your SiL does not sound. If she was short on money for her kid's school trip, she should have foregone the booze and saved the cash.

I'd be giving her hee haw but I sense you're one of those obliging types, OP.

Who tells someone they were only invited to be used AND ask to borrow money in the same breath?!

Your SIL is weird and obnoxious to make an issue of this. Why does it bother her so much? Why should you pay for her and her friend to drink?!

If I ever went out with her again, I'd tell her from the offing that I wanted each person to pay for their own food/drink. Why on earth should I pay for what another adult chooses to drink, unless I've explicitly said that I'm treating them?! Such a stupid custom.

I would reply back to the cf

I'm skint tbh, hence I don't sub others peoples booze

I wonder how these people who go on about sharing feel if the tables are turned. Bet their purses snap shut like an alligator's mouth then.

Also, where do they think the line is? So if you had ordered just a main meal and she had ordered starter, main course, dessert, coffee, wine - does she REALLY think people would be happy to just split the bill?? Funny how these people are always the winners with this "sharing" lark

Wow! Shes a CF. Dont go out to eat with her again.

After reading the later updates... If you husband, her own brother, doesn't bother with her, that's probably a sign that she's not worth the effort.

I'm sorry you're feeling isolated, but honestly, she doesn't seem like "friend material". More of a user than anything else, by the sound of it. I'd keep things casual and stop loaning her money.

I'd rather have no friends than someone who expects me to pay for her and her friend to drink, then insults me and asks for a loan in the same breath. She's terrible with money (why was she even going out to eat if she doesn't have a spare £10 for her child's school thing?), a cf, rude-- what's not to love?!

Don’t feel bad OP, you have behaved perfectly reasonably and properly. If your SIL is stupid enough to invite you out, then rack up a massive food and drink bill that she can’t afford in the expectation that you’d be subbing them, then more fool her. She deserves to come a cropper. What an absolute piss taker she is, and so is her CF friend. You’ve been far more polite than I would have. I’d be swerving right out of their way in future.

Shes probably going to come back telling you there'll never be a next time and add in some more insults.
It seems to me that you are maybe a bit too quick to respond to her, I expect you are trying to settle things but with her attitude it's never going to end well.
I'd suggest if you haven't had a reply yet, block her number, even if only for a couple of days. Let yourself reflect on her behaviour and what you want in future. You didn't do anything wrong and you may want to distance yourself from her.
Someone who will drink the money for their child school trip and then try to get someone else to pay by belittling them isnt a person to stay close to.

Well done on the reply. If she keeps going at you, trying to get pity or be nasty then just repeat the phrase: "I think you have misunderstood the situation, I'd recommend to reread our messages and look for who is in the wrong."

If that doesn't work after three tried just tell her to stop being so insufferable

@VettiyaIruken

X post. Point out that sharing is a two way thing. Like getting a big sharing dish and splitting the cost with you all eating equally. What she's complaining about is not you not sharing, it's you not subsidising her and her friend.

This is such a good point! You didn't actually share any wine!

What a rude cow! I literally would disown her as a sil

If that's what people do around there, tell her you're going to have to look for friends outside the area, as you can't afford to shell out for everyone else's drinks every time you go out.

I wonder how these people who go on about sharing feel if the tables are turned. Bet their purses snap shut like an alligator's mouth then.

I remember once reading on a CF thread on MN where somebody had a 'friend' who would wait until the bill arrived and then sit there going through it, meticulously adding up what each person had had, and then either say "Let's just split it" or "Let's just pay for our own", depending on whichever would cost her less! Shameless.

How cringe. Shes a proper cheeky fucker

She's a cheeky twat and her brother is right about her. You did the right thing OP and good on you for standing up to her as well!

Cheeky cow. Please don’t lend her any money. So she has no money but went out and had steak and wine? Seems to have her priorities wrong along with being incredibly rude.

Splitting bill equally only works if everyone has about the same and is really not fair otherwise esp if alcohol is involved. Just ignore her message asking for money. She was obviously relying on you paying a third of the bill to subsidise her meal.

Maybe recommend she contacts Citizens Advice for help with budgeting

I would have replied, 'sorry, if I had known you were spending school money on wine, I would have held you back, lol'

Followed by fuck off.

They sound awful. Sorry OP. What has your husband said about this?

Only got to page 2

So this bitch prioritises drinking wine over paying for her kids school trips and expects you to pay for it

She can go and fuck herslef

Cheeky bloody mare!!!!! Definitely bin her and her lousy invites!
Tell her to go and ask her other friend for £10.
Cheeky fucker!

What a cheeky cow your SIL is! I’ve never described anyone in that way before but it really is apt here. I’m sorry, OP, that must have been really hurtful.