so we are now arresting people NOW Shocking

[Meadow1203]

I thought this was wind up but sadly it is true. A 73 year old retired nurse has been arrested and put in handcuffs because she took her own mother out of a care home. She has not had proper contact for 9 months and her poor 97 year old mum was ailing, she wanted to bring her home to care for her. Wow just wow how have we come to this.

@starrynight19

Whilst this is truly distressing for the family not to see her. What they have done is cruel. To her mum who would have had no idea what was happening. To the poor care home worker who they pushed away as she opened the door to retrieve some flowers they had taken for their mum. To all those in the care home they have put at risk of any of them had corona. And also the police who were put in an impossible situation having to get the lady back to the care home. I fully understand how distressed the lady must feel but as a former nurse surely she knows this is just not the way to go about things and their are channels put in place regardless of covid or not to get her mother out of the home. As for her daughter using her interviews to push the fact that she doesn’t believe covid is so bad is appalling in itself. Let’s hope they haven’t put it into the home as I’m sure the staff and residents and their family’s won’t feel that way if people die because of this.

This. They should be ashamed, They had no right to behave in such an irresponsible and unprofessional manner. For a nurse to remove an elderly confused person in such a dramatic way is shocking. If they feel they can manage her care why was she in a home in the first place? They showed so little respect for the staff at the care home and clearly illustrated this by the abuse (no matter how 'gently' they pushed staff aside) directed at a carer. And for what?

Thing is the daughter admits they didn't even have a plan. It was a spur of the minute thing.

So they get her home, realise she's now confused and distressed, she sleeps in a strange bed for a few days, they realise they can't wash her properly etc with the lifting , and then what? Send her back in potentially carrying Corona virus. Oh these AWFUL carehome workers bringing in Corona to our elderly parents.

Yes it's disgraceful that they're not allowed pepper visits etc, but what they did was reckless and frankly endangered their elderly loved one who's now been around them, the Police etc with no ppe. Guess who'll get the blame if she gets it now and God forbid dies? Not the family.

I know what dols is too and I know best interests meetings just aren't happening because of covid atm. I have LPA for an elderly relative with advanced dementia. Her DOLs assessment was done this week, it was a renewal and is the third time it has been done. I was contacted by phone as I don't live local to her home and asked about her care, contact with me, if I was happy etc. She was seen this week, she also has an advocate who visits her as I can't visit weekly, I live 200 miles away and am my husband's carer. Obviously the care home manager was also spoken to. People are being cared for, their placements are still supervised, it hasn't all stopped because of covid.

@LondonJax

Thank you for your comments, it's nice to hear a positive story from a family member of someone in a home, and your mum's home sounds like where I work.
We have a minimum training level now (care workers must have or be working towards nvq 2 as a minimum), we're checked against criminal records and have to have a 5 year checkable address, we're wearing PPE that is uncomfortable, but more importantly confuses and disorientates people who are already confused and disorientated, and they don't recognise our familiar faces, with half of it covered up, they can't see you smile or read your lips as they're a bit deaf. We are only supposed to be in physical contact when absolutely necessary for care, to minimise risk. We're limiting our own lives to protect them.
We've tried extremely hard to keep people in touch with their families, supporting some to stand/sit at windows to see their loved ones, my care home bought two iPads and the care staff assist the residents to make video calls, the government have just announced that they're going to supply some to care settings, how many months later?!
We've written and read letters, we've held people's hands who are dying - and visiting is allowed at end of life, but still it's us in many cases sitting there providing comfort as well as care in the last hours.

There is a point where family become aware that someone is not coping alone, and they have at that point, the choice to change their lives in order to care for their relative themselves, before anyone else gets involved. To put in place what needs to be to meet that person's needs. There are thousands of care homes in England, maybe we need to question why they're needed so much, why aren't all these caring and loving and suitable families taking their vulnerable relative on at the point where the issues become apparent?
Every home I've ever worked in has had one or maybe two empty beds periodically, but are generally full. Indeed where I work has a waiting list.
I've also witnessed some sad, heartbreaking stories, spouses desperately trying to care for their wife/husband themselves with their own health failing and both parties are suffering. They are frightened and embarrassed to admit they can't cope, and resentful of us.
One such spouse came to my wedding. He saw how his wife and him improved with her being in a home, and he sat with her every day, and he became a staunch advocate for us as a home, tireless fundraising for the residents and the staff. He was a part of our team and we adored him.
We deal with all this, we also get physically assaulted from time to time by the people we care for because of their illnesses.
We certainly don't deserve to be physically assaulted and accused inaccurately of withholding people from their families, when we're fulfilling the duty of care given to us by society and by the residents own family.

@Meadow1203

If a care worker tried to stop me taking mu dad out of his home if I wanted to take him I would have shoved her too. The woman is retired nurse and can take care of her needs. Really please don not try and justify this

Then you'd be arrested for assault also. That's not new OR shocking.

@Graciebobcat

Crazy situation but I don't blame the family, they sounded at the end of their tethers.

The family don't seem to have wanted their relation home with them at all, or they would have gone through the process to organise that.

@BrumBoo

OP why do you seem to think that anyone that disagrees either has not had the same life experiences as you, or is an awful person who doesn't care about the elderly. What over emotive nonsense.

I actually started to think the OP was goading, but I've just checked and I actually recognise them. This is the op who chose their abusive partner, despite the fact he assaulted her son. Moved to France with him, that's why there's guilt over not seeing her dad in a British care home.

Sorry, I know bringing up poster history is not ok but in a case where the OP is judging the morality of others it may be prevalent.

I'm not surprised really, as I totally agreed with a pp who said there seemed to be a massive amount of projection in relation to the op's father .

Sorry but she broke the law she pushed a care work and technically kidnapped her mum care homes are trying to protect there residents and care staff have worked through all this and get attacked for keeping ppl safe

I also realise not all relatives are caring and I also understand some families can't cope with how their relative has changed (which is completely understandable too) but most people do want transparency within a provider/service and to have that taken away is worrying and distressing.

But @PatriciaPerch, in what way has transparency been taken away? Visiting guidelines are clear. And these people were visiting their relation. It just wasn't allowed in a way that suited them.

I sincerely hope that any HCPs or Social Workers who have commented on here, saying that older people cannot look after relatives with dementia, put their money where their mouths are.
That in future, when they are aware of elderly spouses caring almost single-handed for their loved ones, that they give them any help needed, no argument. No questions about the person's savings, or if they are a property owner, or do they have a private pension?

@LzzyHale

I sincerely hope that any HCPs or Social Workers who have commented on here, saying that older people cannot look after relatives with dementia, put their money where their mouths are. That in future, when they are aware of elderly spouses caring almost single-handed for their loved ones, that they give them any help needed, no argument. No questions about the person's savings, or if they are a property owner, or do they have a private pension?

Slightly bizarre thing to say - HCPs and SWs are not in charge of government policy!

And I sincerely hope that anyone here who has said this woman was right and that they would do the same, take their elderly and vulnerable family members into their own homes, give up their jobs and lives in order to care for them, submit to cqc inspection, train to nvq 2, are DBs checked, attain their administration of medication certificate, end of life care, ensure the building is safe and secure, and that they know how to use all the equipment needed to provide care properly and safely, for an indeterminate number of years.

Because that's the alternative to a care home.

I don’t know why but I have a feeling there is more behind this case . I really hope I am wrong but the granddaughter had a very rehearsed political speech .

I feel sorry for the grandmother who may now be in isolation . Let’s hope someone pays for a test for her so that does not happen and now the family go through the correct proceedures to get her home with all the correct safeguards in place.

When my aunt and uncle dies of covid I was immensely grateful to the staff who were with them to hold their hands and I felt sorry that they were not allowed to attend the funeral .

There are always two sides to every story . People can get “ furious or angry “

But it’s better to consider all angles .

@ShowingOut

That is up to the local councils .

Sometimes you get really good help . Sometimes it is a battle .
And those departments are all under pressure as well at the moment .

@MoodieMare

And I sincerely hope that anyone here who has said this woman was right and that they would do the same, take their elderly and vulnerable family members into their own homes, give up their jobs and lives in order to care for them, submit to cqc inspection, train to nvq 2, are DBs checked, attain their administration of medication certificate, end of life care, ensure the building is safe and secure, and that they know how to use all the equipment needed to provide care properly and safely, for an indeterminate number of years.

Because that's the alternative to a care home.

It really isn't. In the past unmarried daughters looked after their parents who had dementia. My aunt did it and a very good job she did too. It wasn't fair that she did it but she also had the help of my other aunt. Alongside that she had many hobbies and a social life.

@Meadow1203

If a care worker tried to stop me taking mu dad out of his home if I wanted to take him I would have shoved her too. The woman is retired nurse and can take care of her needs. Really please don not try and justify this

You don't have the right to assault someone because they tell you no. You would deserve to be arrested. What is wrong with you

@MoodieMare

And I sincerely hope that anyone here who has said this woman was right and that they would do the same, take their elderly and vulnerable family members into their own homes, give up their jobs and lives in order to care for them, submit to cqc inspection, train to nvq 2, are DBs checked, attain their administration of medication certificate, end of life care, ensure the building is safe and secure, and that they know how to use all the equipment needed to provide care properly and safely, for an indeterminate number of years.

Because that's the alternative to a care home.

I would do it but I'm already qualified to do it and it wouldn't hurt me financially. I also know first hand the effects it has on the home life and mental health. Too many people go into it with rainbows in their eyes and not realizing the true costs

I wonder if the home have to isolate this lady for 2 weeks now in case she has caught covid?.

Yes she would have to be isolated, although that can be very hard especially someone with dementia.

@MoodieMare

And I sincerely hope that anyone here who has said this woman was right and that they would do the same, take their elderly and vulnerable family members into their own homes, give up their jobs and lives in order to care for them, submit to cqc inspection, train to nvq 2, are DBs checked, attain their administration of medication certificate, end of life care, ensure the building is safe and secure, and that they know how to use all the equipment needed to provide care properly and safely, for an indeterminate number of years.

Because that's the alternative to a care home.

My experience: my mother, 80 years old, caring for my dad who had advanced dementia. I helped her, we looked after him by ourselves, from diagnosis to death, 24/7. When he was diagnosed end of life we were granted help, 4 x 20 minutes a day.

He had physical and mobility problems as well as all the severe mental issues. Was doubly incontinent, didn't sleep for more than three hours at a time. Couldn't do a single thing for himself, he had no idea who we were or who he was.

He was given no SALT assessment, no specialist equipment, no hoist, no slide-sheets, no bathroom adaptations, no wheelchair. Not even a waterproof pillowcase.
We were given fuck all, basically.

I might not have had NVQs or CRB checks or training or any of the other things you listed, but that didn't seem to bother the Social Workers who were fully aware of our situation. I wonder why?

Our family is not unique, there's plenty more like us. Go on any carers' forum, or the Alzheimer's forum, not just dementia patients either, adults with severe learning difficulties, too. Thousands of family carers all trying their best, while a succession of clipboard-wielding professionals tick their little boxes but offer no real, practical help.

I'd read newspaper articles about the broken adult care system, but when you're in the thick of it yourself you realise it's not actually as bad as the articles make out. It's worse.

It really isn't. In the past unmarried daughters looked after their parents who had dementia. My aunt did it and a very good job she did too. It wasn't fair that she did it but she also had the help of my other aunt. Alongside that she had many hobbies and a social life

Same here, my grandmother looked after her older sister in the same situation.

@Motherofthreequeens

It really isn't. In the past unmarried daughters looked after their parents who had dementia. My aunt did it and a very good job she did too. It wasn't fair that she did it but she also had the help of my other aunt. Alongside that she had many hobbies and a social life

Same here, my grandmother looked after her older sister in the same situation.

Most of us who are older remember people with dementia cared for by their families. A friend of my dad’s wife went into a care home and he was so disgusted with conditions there he took her home and looked after her devotedly and single handedly for the rest of her life.