Asked a friend to repay loan and now she is giving me the cold shoulder

[mumtoallboys]

8 years ago I lent a friend 1k, just so she could make some bills when she was made redundant.

4 years later I quit my job to move abroad. given that I had no job I asked if she could pay me back as she was stable. She was really cranky about it and said the most she could make was £20 per month... I said ok... she has kind of given me the cold shoulder since...made a massive deal of paying interest on it. She told loads of people about paying the interest (like I had asked for it and I actually hadn't told any of our mutual friends about the loan, so it was odd she made a huge point of it).

I feel like it has really affected our friendship and I regret bothering to help her.

AIBU to expect the money back with grace? It was always very clear she knew it wasn't a gift.

Speak to a solicitor

What's the point in that when the money was eventually (grudgingly) repaid as agreed?

Even if you could find a solicitor willing to send somebody a letter on your behalf much after the event to tell them how upset their actions made you - even though they haven't broken any laws - they'd have most of that £1,000 straight back off you for their professional fees!

@mumtoallboys

She does have control issues and I think she just didn't like not being the one to to initiate the repayment.

To be fair you did give her enough time to do this. Maybe you did catch at a bad time ( although sometimes there never is a good time), but it does sound to me, at best she was embarrassed and at worst she assumed you shouldn't have asked for it back.
Either way this is her problem and I am pretty sure if you lay out the facts, even her most ardent supporter would accept you were correct.

This is why I never lend money. Surely she should be asking family not friends. I'd never ask a friend for money no matter how skint I am.

@madcatladyforever i'm the same...i d never borrow from friends as it puts everyone in an awkward position.

I think people are right she is embarrassed, personally I don't really know why I never made her feel that way intentionally. I never even told a soul about lending the money, she told people. To be fair she didn't misrepresent the facts and say it was a gift.

Last time I seen her she was so emotional (she was drunk) and saying what a good person I was and what a loyal friend. She alluded yo the fact that we just didn't have that much in common for a period of time. It just didn't add up because she had no examples, so I think there was more to it. I didn't overly pressure her for eggs because it was a bit cringeworthy and I could see we were generating attention. She begged me to forgive her and said she would be a better friend. Which she hasn't done. She shows no interest in my life at all. Is not really polite when I ask a simple question like how are you finding lockdown.

Maybe now the loan is paid off, things will change?

My friendship with the non-agreed delayed repayment debtor has recovered. It seemed every payment was resented and kept her irritation renewed.

Now the irritation is that I won't allow a repeat of the experience.

@mumtoallboys
I think people are right she is embarrassed, personally I don't really know why I never made her feel that way intentionally.

If she is embarrassed, then it will be because of her behaviour and not yours. She will know you have not acted in anyway incorrectly, I assume she feels bad that you had to go to such lengths.

Her spouting off to friends is difficult and I think you should put your case too ( but not in a way that blames her but more exonerates you).

I hope you two can go back to being friends , but may ones that keep their finances separately.

@CakeRequired

Never expect to get it back, and if you are cheeky enough to ask then you are the bad one

Wow , really?
I’ve seen it all now. Are you the ops friend? Or just another cf who expects free money

@Remoteraver

Thats not what they meant. They meant that the friend will make you feel bad for daring to ask for the money back from them. Some people think you should feel lucky to have loaned them money and that it should be considered a gift.

Thank you @CakeRequired, I completely read that wrong

@Remoteraver that's alright, it did read that way too. 🙂