Asked a friend to repay loan and now she is giving me the cold shoulder

[mumtoallboys]

8 years ago I lent a friend 1k, just so she could make some bills when she was made redundant.

4 years later I quit my job to move abroad. given that I had no job I asked if she could pay me back as she was stable. She was really cranky about it and said the most she could make was £20 per month... I said ok... she has kind of given me the cold shoulder since...made a massive deal of paying interest on it. She told loads of people about paying the interest (like I had asked for it and I actually hadn't told any of our mutual friends about the loan, so it was odd she made a huge point of it).

I feel like it has really affected our friendship and I regret bothering to help her.

AIBU to expect the money back with grace? It was always very clear she knew it wasn't a gift.

Wait til it's all paid back - then make your feelings clear with your friends. Ignore her.

Surely she should take a proper loan herself now give you the 1k back?

There is no friendship

Please see this isn’t how a friend behaves
Or even a decent acquaintance for that matter

I can’t believe you waited four years to ask for any back but for her to then say she can only spare £20 a month and then get arsey about that—- surely OP you can see who she is

Be firm
Accept the friendship is over (if it was ever there)
Tell her clearly you want it all back in a month or you will take legal advice

Then accept you won’t see the money again because unless you have a written contract you won’t be able to to enforce it and she clearly has no plans to pay

Never lend again

I've been here. The minute you lend a friend money the friendship is over. Never expect to get it back, and if you are cheeky enough to ask then you are the bad one.

I have seen families destroyed over money lent and not paid back. It truly is the root of all evil

She has actually paid back the 1k, £20 per month and then made the huge fuss about the interest. To be honest I wasn't expecting interest. I was expecting the 1k quicker than £20pm but it wasn't like I was hard up so I accepted the arrangement. I just think it is odd that she is cranky with me as a result of me asking for the money back!

We have known each other for 17 years and our relationship never felt one sided. When I met DH she wasn't quite happy for me but she liked him, maybe it went a little downhill there.

@Anordinarymum

I've been here. The minute you lend a friend money the friendship is over. Never expect to get it back, and if you are cheeky enough to ask then you are the bad one.

I have seen families destroyed over money lent and not paid back. It truly is the root of all evil

That’s just not true. You absolutely can lend friends money and the friend remain intact.

I lent a friend £500 at the beginning of the year, I asked for it back when I knew she was back on her feet. I also said if she couldn’t afford it in one go then she could pay it in instalments.

She paid it all back within 3 months. No drama. The friendship is still intact.

Your friend was just an asshole.

OP - she should of gave it back a lot quicker then the 4 years mark. Get it all back and then ditch her.

I have tried to ask her why she is cranky but she won't admit it is the money. But she literally flipped her lid when I asked her to pay it back. I'm not a very wealthy person, it isn't like that amount of money was irrelevant (but also it wasn't my bread and butter).

I borrowed a few thousand from my parents and am paying it back at 300 a month, no fuss, no issues. Because I am grateful for their help and would never dream of taking them for granted, so I will pay it off completely within the next two years and can finally start saving my money. Anyone who gladly takes money and then causes a stink over paying it back is gross and not worth the time for

I've been here. The minute you lend a friend money the friendship is over. Never expect to get it back, and if you are cheeky enough to ask then you are the bad one.

I have seen families destroyed over money lent and not paid back. It truly is the root of all evil

'When someone show you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why its important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.'
Maya Angelou

@Halliehallie9828

I have actually borrowed a more significant amount of money than 1k off a friend, when I bought a house. I paid him back in full when I received my annual bonus. It never ever caused a rift between us, he knew it was a bridging loan.

So I agree lending money doesn't always mean the end of friendship. I do also know if I hadn't been able to pay it back when I said it wouldn't have been dramatic. He didn't desperately need it.

Maybe the moral of the story is only lend money if you are actually happy to give it.

Why did you lend her money with no clear repayment structure? Has Judge Rinder taught us nothing?! She's a bad friend, get your money back and cut her off.

She should have paid you back quickly and with grace as you said, it seems entitled of her to wait 4 years before repaying the
Loan. She’s not a great friend is she? however it does seem mean of you to charge interest to a friend.

She should have paid you back quickly and with grace as you said, it seems entitled of her to wait 4 years before repaying the
Loan. She’s not a great friend is she? however it does seem mean of you to charge interest to a friend.

Why is she giving you interest ? How much extra has she given you ?

So she has paid it back but you are expecting interest? I'd be arsey if a friend had charged interest.. I have lent money to friends and they have paid back, not with any interest though. That's odd.

So she has paid it back but you are expecting interest? I'd be arsey if a friend had charged interest.. I have lent money to friends and they have paid back, not with any interest though. That's odd.

@Whatsonmymindgrapes
She decided on the interest element herself I didn't ask for it. She randomly added £50 in the end and said that is interest. Such an odd thing to do.

Why is she giving you interest ? How much extra has she given you ?

She’s given you interest payments so she can play the martyr card with all your mutual mates (and with you). She won’t so much as buy you a coffee into the future without somehow bringing up the loan, and how unreasonable you are.

I’d total up the ‘interest’ and make a big show of donating it. Perhaps to one of those overseas charities that do micro-loans for women in poverty to set themselves up in life with small businesses. The kind of women who really appreciate life-changing loans.

Let’s see what passive-aggressive reaction she has? Anyone who was normal, and a good friend, would applaud the act. Something tells me she won’t. But she’ll have a harder time bad-mouthing you, which seems to be her aim.

@PinkSkyBlue

I didn't ask for interest at all, she decided to give interest herself and a random amount x2 months at £20 and x1 £10 we never discussed it at all. I guess it was in line with her repayment plan...

Btw I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask for interest if the amount was more significant. The only time I have borrowed significant money I calculated interest and added it in top. My friend declined it because he had the money sitting in a bank account not earning anything , so he was no worse off.

@Girlzroolz

That is such a good plan! I wish I had the front for that. I just would never antagonise the situation.

I think your friend should pay interest equivalent to what you would have received if the money had been in a bank for all those years. The fact that she had it instead of you having it in a bank account meant that it cost you money to lend it.

She's trying to make you out to be the bad guy when she's the one taking forever to pay back a loan.

I think your friend should pay interest equivalent to what you would have received if the money had been in a bank for all those years. The fact that she had it instead of you having it in a bank account meant that it cost you money to lend it.

She's trying to make you out to be the bad guy when she's the one taking forever to pay back a loan.

@Souldyurr

At the time I lent her the money she was obsessing about missing a rent payment and had no food in the fridge. It took her some time to get alternative work and a long time to get out of bank debt. Her mental health wasn't the best and I didn't really need the money. When I did need the money I asked for it, I don't think that is unreasonable but clearly she does.